Wednesday 20 May

Another week away from home hs gone by.

Before I start here is a great quote from Saturday 23 May Guardian: “You can never say no to a woman with a tambourine and a bottle of tequila” Brett Sparks describing how he first met his future wife, Rennie (they make up the Handsome Family).

I’m in the shower when I hear a loud “You must be joking!” Uh-oh. I emerge dripping wet to learn that Tina has rung laundry and been told that because TOMORROW is a holiday (they have FOUR of them in May!!!) they’re not doing any today!!!! We go down to breakfast and I do the Ugly American act asking what sort of Mickey Mouse operation they are running and aren’t hotels supposed to provide services. To be fair the young man at reception is also perplexed. They contract out the laundry. He rings and there is a loud exchange in fast and furious French. The result is that the washing was picked up before breakfast was over and returned later that day. Tina tips the young man.

We book 3 tours:
- Versailles
- Louvre guided – gets us in quickly and gives us some basic info
- Paris by night

Tina goes for a haircut. Note, a haircut – they don’t do colour. €70 – that’s $NZ140 for a haircut!!! Over the next few days we pass by many cheaper places. I think she stumbled on the most expensive one in Paris by accident.

We stroll through the Jardin des Tuileries (people relaxing outside, having lunch amongst the fountains, trees and cool grass), Place de la Concorde and along the leafy Champs Elysees. Tina cannot believe how green it all is and how wide the streets and footpaths are. We walk in shade with trees on both sides of us with beautiful buildings and statues along the way. Apart from noisy traffic this is urban heaven. Once we hit the shops we have lunch in a sidewalk café (I have a hot apple cider with 2 cinnamon sticks in it – yummmmm).

Sticking to the Sims rule of never walking past a toilet I follow a sign. I now enjoy the greatest toilet experience of my life. It is in a mall so first I have to pass shops. And what shops they are! Serious retail with huge price tags. I approach the toilet which advertises itself as “The World [sic] Cleanest Toilet”. Now there’s a way of getting over apostrophe difficulties (do I put one in or not; does it go before or after the s?) – just leave the s off the word!!!

I pay €1.50 ($NZ3!!!) and enter. I quickly give the urinals a miss as they are visible to woman entering. I might be a liberal but this is taking things far too far. So, it’s a stall for me and I am glad I did because on the wall there are puzzles. Out comes the notebook (see, I can multitask: do what I have to do AND write down puzzles):
1. What can help people differentiate restrooms from an elevator? See what a sophisticated toilet this is – it uses the word “differentiate”. No “4 a good time ring Suzy on 345 6789”
2. When you spin me I cry. Who am I?
3. I can grow up beyond the world, however I stay on the same spot. Who am I?
4. What can do the world tour while staying in a small corner?

If you want the answers go to www.pointwc.com. I haven’t yet.

I then come to the amazing Dyson airblade to dry my hands. You put your hands down into it and it blasts both sides at once.

Leaving this amazing place you discover the toilet products. A fantastic range of toilet seats with designs such as barbed wire and stick figures of men and women. Then there is the amazing range of toilet rolls: American money, Suduko of varying degrees of difficulty and dozens of fluoro colours. I am seriously in love with this place.

I go back to where Tina is sitting waiting for me and drag her in (“I don’t need to go to the toilet” she pleads. “Need, NEED” I cry, “This isn’t about NEED, it’s an experience”.) I still don’t think she got it. She wouldn’t even look at the cool toilet seats and rolls.

We stroll down the street and visit the Arc de Triomphe.

Next is a long walk down to the Seine where we catch a boat to see Paris from the river. Very relaxing with beautiful buildings and so many bridges.

I buy two Parisian ties. Long walk back to hotel (washing waiting for us).

The internet at this hotel is driving us crazy. It is free (yeah) but we soon find out why. It doesn’t work. We can read emails (but not gmail onces) bu cannot reply if the reply is longer than a couple of sentences. Very frustrating. I would rather pay for a decent service.

At 10pm we go on our Paris By Nigh tour. It goes for nearly two hours and covers all the well known places – beautifully lit. Well worth it.

A long but very satisfying day.