Wednesday 13 May

(It is Thursday 21 May. Absolute hell trying to get internet in Italy and although the hotel in Paris offers free internet it doesn't work. Have found an internet cafe. The story continues ...)

4 weeks on the road; 1/3rd of the way through.

We leave Assisi and head north east. A beautiful road crossing the central mountain range (Apennines). There are constant tunnels and viaducts where we travel above the landscape ie frequently at tree height. The effect of this is that the curves are smoothed out and the SLOWEST corner I saw in the whole trip (I am typing this up at the end of the Italy trip) was 80kph. Compare this to NZ. The Italian main road system is vastly superior.

Once again, we pass through forested land; lush and green. Lovely little villages with stone buildings and terracotta roofs.

The morning tea place was hell. Everyday we stop in the morning and afternoon at these roadside “barns” which mass produce food (coffee, pizza) and sell tourist products. They have clean and mostly free toilets so this is their attraction (although they do not supply a toilet seat. How can this country build the Colosseum but not supply a toilet seat?). Today everything starts off as normal but then we are suddenly invaded by a horde of rude teenage schoolchildren who are on a trip to a nearby water park (I hope they all drowned). They push in. No adult supervision. Many adults, including me, throw our purchases down (literally), walk out and get on the bus. Horrible. Barbarians!

Lunch is near Padova. The patron saint is St Anthony who you pray to if you lose something. I could have done with this knowledge a couple of days ago in the Sistine Chapel. I ask Tina what is she going to do if this place is also invaded with teenagers. “Eat them”, is her reply.

Annalies has famous chocolate, Bacio from Perugia for the bus. They are nice chocolates with nuts and each chocolate has a message. Tina’s is “Love is sudden revelation, a kiss is always a discovery” whilst mine is “Love in the pastime of the leisurely and the leisure of the active”.

We arrive in mainland Venice (Venezia) and say goodbye to our luggage. The suitcases and carry ons are being taken to our hotel on the island of Venice by boat (yesterday at Assisi it was by minivan – our luggage is having its own adventure).

We have a gondola ride - National Geographic writes "The thoroughbred gondola (425 remain) is a romantic indulgence for tourists.". So exciting, relaxing and fun. We see the buildings up close; the tide is high so it is washing into the lowest floor of some buildings. We see our luggage gliding past going in the opposite direction! Quite an odd sight!

Off the gondola and walk through the back streets and over small bridges and suddenly we arrive on St Mark’s Square (Piazza San Marco). Very civilised ie not too many tourists (we don’t count ourselves as tourists. Annelies describes all other tourists, tour parties and tour buses as “barbarians”).

We go to a glass factory/shop for an excellent demonstration (although the furnace was a blast (ha, ha, ha) of heat when we were already too hot – it was VERY humid in Venice). Tina buys 6 small vases which the firm are shipping home. So that’s a carpet and now 6 vases.

We are desperate for our ice tea (becoming seriously addicted to the stuff – cool and refreshing). We had been warned about the prices on St Mark’s Square so we saunter up to a café and ask the price. €5 EACH of the music and €9 EACH for the can of ice tea ie a total of $NZ56!!!!!!!! We go slightly off the Square (about 20m but can still see it and settle for $NZ20 – which is still extortion but, hey, it's all relative). There is a 2 minute sun shower which lowers the humidity slightly.

We cross the Bridge of Sighs (isn’t this a line from Small Faces Itchycoo Park – I never understood what they were singing) and 3 other bridges to meet the “big boat” that will take us to our hotel. Along the way we see big signs saying that anyone who buys a counterfeit item (eg there are a lot of handbags) is themselves committing a crime. Universally these items are sold by black Africans, here illegally and in the clutches of crime gangs who make the counterfeit products. They sell the bags (and watches etc) on sheets. We saw one guy pick up his sheet and run with a police officer after him.

Our hotel, the Continental (room 150) is on the Grand Canal! Amazing atmosphere to be spending a night there. Not the greatest hotel but the location can’t be beaten. There is no air con (not the season – all controlled by law with each region having its own law) but the windows open safely and the noise of the street is a nice backdrop.

We have a lovely meal in the hotel and then an evening cruise by 10 seater water taxis (vaporetto) on the Grand Canal. Lovely lights. A short stroll to St Mark’s Square which is not crowded (even the pigeons are asleep). Part of this excursion includes a drink in the famous Caffé (sic) Lavena. Having rejected it in the afternoon we can pretend we are rich and sit outside and watch the “poor” people looking at us enviously. Each of the top cafés has their own professional musicians. They are brilliant. They play 3 long pieces and then have a break. Immediately the next café’s musicians start up. Then it’s back to “our” musicians. The “poor” people drift around following each performance and there is rousing applause because these people are REALLY good. We nurse our sparkling wine – the first drink was included in what we paid but then ….

A perfect evening.

Musings. Having received the email below I am thinking of a career change.

I just wanted you to know how much I am enjoying your blog Martin -
although 'blog' doesn't quite sound good enough. 'Column'
perhaps?  

It is now getting to me how after getting home I am tending
 to go straight to the Sims.It's taking all I've got not  to send
the link to my school computer!  

Seriously, it is wonderful writing Martin, and superior to much
 that you see turning up in weekend newspapers and
magazines. The new Bill Bryson perhaps? Or maybe like
Michael Palin, reinventing a career in travel journalism?!  

Anyway, thanks for the insights (and entertainment),
on what is obviously becoming an outstanding trip.   

Who would have thought? Hummmmm, what to write on in my new career?

How about bathrooms and toilets? Let’s start with the hotels. Toilet topics first.

1. Are the toilet rolls over or under? This is a topic of debate between Kirsten and I and she changes the rolls in my favourite toilet at home when she comes up. I am an unders kind of guy – she is overs. So far, sadly, she is winning hands down. Only 3 toilets have been unders. OK readers, let’s see if you are awake. It’s survey time. Are you an under or over?
2. How many possible ways are there to build a flushing system?

Now hotel bathrooms.

1. How come there are so many different types of showers that take an engineering degree to work out how to operate them. And then there are the ones on the wrong wall so the water flies out across the floor!
2. In Italy there is an emergency cord in each shower (“chiamata di soccorso, “appel de secours”, “nothilife”). It is the law but Annelies tells us that many of the hotels install and then disconnect them because (a) guests keep pulling the cord (because it’s there), hear nothing so keep pulling it. Meanwhile, reception is being driven crazy! (b) worse, guests use them as clothes lines!!! Again, panic in reception.

And then you leave the civilised world of the hotel and go to a restaurant. It is rare to find a restaurant toilet with a toilet seat and washing your hands is a new challenge. Logically, the law says you shouldn’t touch the tap with dirty hands so they need an alternative. A modern place might have an automatic tap but others have buttons or pedals on the floor.

If Tina was writing this she evaluates a hotel room differently. The hair dryer is important (none in Venice) to her as is being able to safely leave a window open at night (she does not like air con) but the bigee is does the bed have a sheet? Some yes, some no. She likes a sheet.

Another subject to write about could be the unusual habits or personalities of people you travel with on tours. On this tour there are women I have christened “fluffy bunnies”. They have absolutely no idea as to what is going on around them. They talk constantly when the tour guide is giving the group important information, which is why they have no idea as to what’s going on. There are the elderly fluffy bunnies who serenely drift along whilst husbands or daughters pick up the “mess” and attempt to steer them in the right direction. But the really interesting ones are the slightly younger fluffy bunnies. They do their best to look really young but a conversation reveals their true age. All you need to do is ask them about their children and the secret is out. They are divorced, of course, are travelling with another guy, not married to him and there are constant public displays of affection. Get a room!

Another question is why there were no fluffy bunnies on our Greece trip but they are here in Italy. I have a theory. I think fluffy bunnies have heard of Italy and think it would be nice to visit. I don’t think they have ever heard of Greece.