Saturday 30 May

An absolutely beautiful day. Clear sky, sun shining, low humidity and not too hot.

We start the day with two bags of laundry and head to the laundrymat that the hotel reception staff have told us about. Found quickly (just outside the walls of Ieper) but instructions are all in Flemish/Dutch. A young woman WHO SPEAKS ENGLISH comes in and she is lovely. Who would have known that you have to put money into a machine which gives you a token which then goes into the washing machine? All is sorted.

I leave Tina and go back into Ieper main square to track down Shrapnel Charlie's address. There is a market going on in the main square and this slows me down (have to park a distance away) but I quickly get the address and a location marked on my map from the Info centre as he is well known.

Get to Shrapnel Charlie in a couple of minutes. Knock on the door of his tiny, narrow house and his wife answers. It is between 10.30am and 11am and he is not up yet as he had a bad night and is not well. She invites me in and goes to ask whether he will get up ... and there he is, Ivan "Shrapnel Charlie" Sinnaeve of Sint Jan. I am made very welcome and Ivan takes me to his workshop and shows me the full process. He melts some shrapnel lead and makes a NZ "lemon squeezer" hat right in front of me. For those who do not know his story, Ivan was a carpenter who had a work accident and could no longer be a carpenter. He can walk but spends a lot of time in a wheelchair. He started making models of soldiers out of lead from Ypres shrapnel. He is now well known throughout the world and receives many visitors at his very crowded house. He and his lovely wife are very hospitable. Ivan has a wicked sense of humour and is very knowledgable. It is amazing the things he has dug up from his own tiny property eg a .303 rifle with bayonet. As he said, you don't have to look too hard to find things in this area.

After nearly an hour I leave and head back to the laundry where Tina is waiting and she is happy. All the washing and drying is done. No iron but only a few things need one.

Back to hotel and then stroll for coffee, a look at the market and lunch is a sausage and onions in a bun.

Go through the In Flanders Fields Museum in the old Cloth Hall (excellent). You get a person to track as you go around. Mine was von Kanne - a German pilot who was killed by British air force over Poperinge in 1916. For those interested, look up Talbot House, Poperinge on Google.

Back to hotel where Tina gets an iron, a rest and watch FA Cup Final. Tina texting her brother in NZ - both Liverpool fans who, for one day, become Everton supporters.

I did a count up today and we have so far slept in 23 different places:
1 in Auckland
a hotel and the desert in Dubai (the most uncomfortable)
a ship
3 in Turkey
4 in Greece
6 in Italy
6 so far in France/Belgium

At 7.30pm we head out for the Menin Gate ceremony. EVERY night at 8pm a brief ceremony is held (ours was 7 minutes long). There were a couple of hundred people present. The Last Post was sounded by 4 buglers, wreaths were laid by groups and individuals (anyone is welcome to lay a wreath). There were young British men and women soldiers and a guard of honour from the Last Post Great War Society.

On to dinner. Our waitress was either not too bright or very new (maybe new). I ask what the soup of the day is and she says a word then tells me she doesn't know what it is in English and scuttles away. She comes back to tell us it is "Green". Sounds interesting so we order it! It's vege soup and is nice. I order Flemish beef stew and Tina orders veal stew. They come in caste iron pots to keep them hot and both are delicious and very filling. Excellent meal.

Friday 29 May

Woke up late - both had a bad night.

Left car in parking building under hotel and walked to La Carriere Wellington - the newly opened (2008) underground tunnels that the NZers added to in WWI. As with Albert the tunnels have been around for hundreds of years (used for building material). During WWI NZers given the task of extending tunnels, thousands of troops housed underground as a prelude to a surprise attack. Fantastic guided tour (not allowed to walk around by yourself and this is easy to understand once you are underground). Fantastic experience and I just hope my photos turn out OK.

But the wait and tour time has used up a chunk of the day so I don't try to find the pole where the resistance were shot in WWII.

On to Le Quesnoy. Arrive aound 3pm; light lunch and walk to the NZ Memorial. Good to see Rue de Helen Clark has not been changed to Rue de John Key!

Running out of time so postpone Vimy Ridge and Anthony Wilding's grave until Sunday.

Aimed Tom Tom at city closest to Ieper (Ypres) as I don't have TomTom map of Belgium and no detailed paper map either. In other words we are on our own! Once we get into Belgium we are instantly lost but stop twice and two groups of lovely people give us directions. The second man draws a clear sketch map and we quickly arrive in Ieper.

Cruised around Ieper until I found the main square and Menin Gate - the hotel was easy to find once I was orientated.

Register. Question 1. Do they have laundry service. "Yes". "So we can get laundry done, right?" "Not on Friday, Saturday and Sunday!" We've been here before!
Question 2. Do you have in room wifi? "Yes" "I would like some please" "It's not available in your room". Luckily there are two free and very fast Macs in the lounge. They'll do.

Magnificent meal. In Belgium Tina has Irish steak and I have NEW ZEALAND rack of lamb! We move tables to get away from an obnoxious, foul mouthed, loud, sexist, rude NZer now living in England. He is a FIGJAM ie F I'm Good, Just Ask Me!

Thursday 28 May

Free WIFI in the hotel room in Arras!!!!

The day starts in Amiens and it is lightly drizzling.

Today we are doing what the locals call The Circuit Of Remembrance.

We start in Albert in the 1916 museum. After you pay at ground level you descend into tunnels that have been used since the 15th century! Last used as an air raid shelter in WWII. Look up Albert in Google and the story of the tilting/leaning Virgin. The museum is dedicated to the battle of the Somme. Great artefacts and reconstructions. Very impressive and a good start to the day. Sharing the depths of the earth with us are two groups of schoolkids (again!); younger girls from England and older co-eds from France. BOTH groups are well behaved and polite!

Next was Longueval. First to show Tina Caterpillar Valley cemetery where the body of of the Unknown Warrior (reburied in Wellington in 2004) came from. Then on to the South African monument at Delville Wood. Very impressive. Outside is a very nervous Oz woman from Bathurst. She is worried about the woods.

On to Lochnagar Crater (100m wide, 30m deep) in La Boisselle. Evidently when it went off Lloyd George heard it in London. The land is owned by an Englishman as the French were going to fill it in and put a road through. Good on him for buying he land and opening it up to all.

Next is the hugely impressive monument at Thiepval. A combined French-English tribute to the missing (ie no body). Over 70,000 names on its wall. Read “Birdsong” – there is a passage where the woman researcher comes to it and weeps.

On the way we slowed but did not stop to look at the Ulster Tower.

Lastly, we go to Beaumont-Hamel where the New Foundlanders attacked. The impressive trench systems are still largely intact.

TomTom delivers us to the front door of the Holiday Inn Express in Arras (room 131 – two doors down from the room I stayed in in 2006). No dramas driving today. No meltdowns.

We go for a stroll and decide we would like a change from French cuisine. We go into a Chinese restaurant and proceed to have the worst Chinese meal ever (serves us right I suppose). Everything (and I do mean everything) is microwave reheated), formica tables and plastic on the seat cushions. At least it’s cheap (after last night’s expensive meal) and our tummies are full.

Stroll into the centre of Arras with its lovely cathedral and Flemish style architecture of tall, thin buildings and cobblestone streets. Very picturesque.

Back for free internet!

Tomorrow could be interesting. I do not have TomTom maps for Belgium and we are headed for Ieper (Ypres). We have a plan (go to closest point in France and hope for signs) but the potential for disaster is high!

Wednesday 27 May

Wednesday 27 May - I am up-to-date with the diary!

6 weeks gone; ½ way through!

A good night’s sleep in a comfortable bed with excellent pillows. Good breakfast.

Post a 4.3 kg box home. We pick the wrong box off the shelf (it is only for use in France). The woman behind the counter does not speak a word of English and she quotes us €150 ($NZ300)!!!!!!! Tina pulls out her French (“combine pour bateaux?”) and the women understands – the price drops to €40 by sea mail. Tina has just saved us $NZ220!!! Once again we have spent 40 minutes to post something but this will be the last big posting in a non English speaking country.

We visit Rouen Cathedral. Over half of it is blocked off and a huge number of chairs are being put out as the Arch Bishop has just died and he is lying in state in the church (we see the coffin). We spent more time in the Post Office than we did in the cathedral.

Tina buys two tops which come to €20 more that what she saved on the posted box. “See, the tops only cost €20!” Some logic.

Got lost again getting out of Rouen.

On the motorway we had lots of problems at an automated toll – both at its start and its end. No-one to help and not a word in English. Lots of putting the hazard lights on and backing back. Cars diving to the left and right to avoid me. Very stressful and I have a meltdown mentally. It’s all getting too hard.

The Novotel in Amiens does not exist according to TomTom, nor does the street it is on. Tina rings through and they confirm the address is correct. We arrive in Amiens and drive around and drive around and drive around. Finally we see another hotel; stop the car illegally and get help. The Novotel is not in Amiens but in a dormitory town (Boves). We plug Boves into TomTom and we are away. We are driving along with 4 kilometres to go when Tina sees a Novotel on the left. Do a u turn (I do a lot of them – not all legal) and we have arrived.

But that’s two days in a row the gps has not taken us to our hotel. Worrying.

We abandon our plans and have a rest (room 169). Things have not gone well, we are struggling with parts of the driving and we need to rest.

Excellent evening meal – Tina has concluded we need red meat!

Lastly, tennis is on this tv so Tina happy. Along with the Stones "Shine A Light" concert!

Tuesday 26 May

Raining during the night and whilst loading the car.

Breakfast brought its own comedy act in the form of an elderly English couple. He was superb, “Where are the corn flakes?”, “This is all carbohydrates”, “How do you get into this butter?” It was non-stop and we had to turn away and intently study the pictures on the wall to cover the laughter.

I sauntered up the street for a haircut (I was very fluffy!). Tina joined me and I get them to do a colour for her as the place in Paris did not do colour. Shock! Horror!!! Tina dyes her hair!

TomTom took us to the closest petrol station – I hadn’t seen one in Arromanches (there isn’t one) and this one was on some rural road.

Tina then wanted to go to Falaise and the Chateau of Guillaume-Le-Conquerant (William the Bastard). It was more of a castle than a chateau and we spent a lot of time there as there were lots of audio-visual displays. Also a lot of chess analogies and history.

Nice lunch in Falaise.

Set TomTom for the hotel in Rouen but:
1. ignored its instructions at a roundabout and followed a sign
2. missed a turn-off on the motorway
3. missed another road going into Rouen

None of these were a problem as TomTom recalculates.

But the fun began in Rouen. From the time we arrived in central Rouen to the time we got into our hotel room 2 hours disappeared. Firstly TomTom failed us. It was trying to get us to turn down streets that did not exist. We went around twice and when I say we went around it took ages to go around once because of heavy traffic and narrow streets. Finally we parked our car underground in a parking building. We surfaced and rang the hotel. We knew we were only a few hundred metres and so we were. We walked to the hotel, got instructions how to get to their parking and returned to the car. In the car park we came to a barrier arm but because we hadn’t paid it would not let us out. We were blocking the exit with nowhere to go. There is a black man (African?) with grey speckled beard calling out to me in French. Is he abusing me or what? He speaks no English. He parks his car illegally and comes to help. He gets me to back back where, luckily, there is a free park just metres away. So I am safely out of the way. The man says something and disappears. We can’t work out whether he is leaving us or returning. But we know we have to pay somewhere. We set off and all of a sudden the man pops around the corner. He has put his car somewhere and has returned to help us. This is one of the nicest people on the planet. We quickly pay and exit the parking building.

Unfortunately we exit in a different place to where the hotel thinks we will have so have to re-navigate. We do so, get very close (200-300m) but take a wrong turn so around we go again!!!

The car park at the hotel is ridiculously small with tight turns and narrow lanes. It takes a while just to get a park.

Finally, after two hours we are in our room. Very stressful and not enjoyable. We are both shaking.

The Hotel Mecure Rouen Centre Cathedrale is right next to the famous Rouen Cathedral. Room 308.

We go for a stroll past the cathedral (now closed), under the Great Clock and into the square where Joan of Arc was burnt at the stake. Ugly modern church spoils the square. Its lines are meant represent the flames rising high but it just looks hideous and out of place to us.

Have an excellent meal (not steak! Ha ha). Hire some internet at the hotel. The French Open is not on the tv in the room and Tina gives them a serve (ha ha). It’s showing down in reception but not in the rooms.

Monday 25 May

Uncomfortable bed – bad night’s sleep. Woke at 6.15am to thunder, lightning and very heavy, noisy rain.

The weather was co-operative and cleared when I moved the car out of the carpark to avoid paying. We went to the Arromanches D-Day Museum which had an excellent movie about how the Mulberry Harbours we put together. It answered a lot of questions I had from 2006.

Then it was on the Caen Memorial Museum. We spent many hours in this museum as it is brilliant. The experience was spoilt by an invasion of school groups – both young and old (16-18). All were noisy, poorly behaved and poorly supervised. Whilst we were in the museum it rained heavily but cleared so we could walk around the American garden and waterfall. We also went to the Nobel Peace Prize winners gallery.

Next was a long drive to Pointe du Hoc for a visit and then, because it was getting late, just a drive by and look from the carpark at the guns of Longues-sur-mer. Enough of D-Day for Tina!

Excellent meal!

Sunday 24 May

Beautiful weather.

We make our way to the rental car office in the Louvre. Things don’t get off to a promising start as I panic near the hotel, think I am going around the block for a second go but end up two blocks away. Get there in the end and we load up.

On the Champs Elysees I am in the wrong lane and miss the tunnel that takes us under the Arc de Triomphe so I have to go around. Luckily it is early Sunday morning and the traffic is light. Next we miss the entrance to the Rouen motorway but find it after going around a round about twice!

A few minutes up the motorway we miss the turnoff to Rouen. Great start!!! Remember how two days ago we had been on this road going to Versailles and we had taken careful note? It’s not going well. And why didn’t we have our gps unit on? Because we thought we knew what we were doing!

We get off the motorway, have no idea where we are and end up at the French Tennis Open (Roland Garros)!!!! Find a park and get TomTom out (our gps). It doesn’t work!!! Can’t find a satellite. Now we’re in trouble. Intercept a young man on the street who speaks English and he gives us directions. We go pass the tennis again and go on and on. I resort to looking at signs BEHIND us and there is the road to Rouen so a quick u turn and we are away.

Over the next few hours we go through 4 toll booths, costing us between €2.30 and €4.70 and about $28 in total. Great roads and the kilometres melt away.

We stop at a roadside petrol station/food place. I swore after Turkey, Greece and Italy I would never go into one of these places again but they have their advantages: clean toilets, a hot drink and quick access back on to the motorway. I turned TomTom off and then on again and it worked perfectly. It even warned us that the road ahead had tolls and asked us if we wanted to take an alternative route (we said no).

It delivered us to Bayeux. We toured the tapestry (William the Bastard!) and then strolled around the town, going inside the impressive Bayeux Cathedral.

It was then a short drive to Arromanches and TomTom delivered us literally to the door of the hotel d’Aromanches. When we got out of the car we smelt the sea air – very refreshing. We were made welcome; the hotel is very small (9 rooms – we were chambre 2). No lift and a narrow, windy staircase where you had to duck your head to avoid low hanging beams. The room was basic (the place is only 2 stars) but very clean, airy and recently redecorated in light colours. The room had a very good view and the hotel is less than 50m from the beach.

We go for a stroll and decide on the appropriately named 6 Juin restaurant. On the menu is Coq au Vin which they translate as “old cock cooking with red wine sauce”! Oh the imagery!!! The meal starts well (brilliant salad with main and fromage are poor.

Saturday 23 May

Last day in Paris. Overcast, cool wind.

Catch a taxi to Eiffel Tower. Join queue at the Pilier Nord at 10.05am. Tina comments, “We English are used to queuing!” Where did that come from? She left England when she was 7 and has never been back (the closest she has ever got is China for goodness sake!!!). The queue is a giant snake winding around underneath the Tower. It is not the only queue. Circling around are the hawkers peddling their souvenirs and gypsy women who come up and ask if we speak English. If you answer yes they thrust a piece of paper at you, presumably asking for money.

You also have to deal with the charming people who try and push in.

I am not going up the Tower again (did it in 2006 and I don’t like heights) so break away from queue as success nears. At 11.20am Tina enters security (yes, that’s 1 hour 15 minutes so far in the queue) and at 11.42am she buys a ticket and I lose sight of her.

I go and sit down and watch people. All of a sudden 6-8 black hawkers race pass me (one bumps me). They are running from a policeman on a bike. Presumably they are all in France illegally but the policeman is only biking slowly. Annalies described this situation in Italy. Yes they are illegal but the police don’t make a concerted effort to catch them.

At 12.32 we are reunited. Tina beaming with happiness. But she wants to go to the toilet and this takes about as long as waiting to go up the Tower (OK, I am exaggerating).

We wander down the Champs de Mars and the rain starts. We take refuge and have a jambon et fromage crepe. The rain is very heavy whilst we eat it and then stops. We are heading to Les Invalides. Tina only wants to see Napoleon’s Tomb and nothing else. This is ominous.

We get a taxi back to the hotel. Today we have had two taxi rides and what a pleasure it is to have two honest drivers who take the direct route and do not rip us off with the price.

Back to the Louvre to the tie shop – 2 more arty ties.

Back to the internet café and then a meal. Sitting calmly watching the world go by I remember I have left my memory stick (16 gig!) in the internet café. Tina power walks back. She enjoys this as she is finding it frustrating walking as slowly as I have to.

Thoughts on Paris transport:
- taxis are brand new Mercedes or BMWs
- how come cyclists don’t wear helmets with a bigger population and narrower streets (Tina’s theory is that we are pampered and too politically correct)
- there are free/cheap cycles everywhere – in stands of about 20 – and people ride them.
- Very few SUVs (urban assault vehicles). I guess the roads are too narrow.

Final comment on hotel. Very nice but our voucher/itinerary describes it as “One superior room with a large bed on the courtyard side”. Well … on the hotel’s rate card it was the second cheapest so what is it superior to? The one category below it I guess. The bed was a double and could only be described as large if comparing it to a single bed and as for the courtyard, I am still looking for it. Wait to you see the photos of the view out the window. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good hotel with a great location but a little more honesty would be appreciated and internet that works would be good.

Finally, Tina loves Paris! Of the 4 big cities so far visited, Paris comes out tops for her and she would come back. Istanbul is second, Rome third and Athens fourth.

As for me, I have been two Paris twice now and still haven’t seen a woman driving “in a red sports car with the warm wind in her hair” (The Ballad Of Lucy Jordan). I have seen a woman in a black VW convertible so that will have to do.

Friday 22 May

Friday 22 May

We had “Gunpowder” tea for breakfast. An intriguing flavour and a change from the ubiquitous “English Breakfast” but it has no flavour and despite putting two bags in a little pot it doesn’t do anything so we end up with a cup of hot water.

Tina hands her letter in at the trip office and we begin our walking tour of the Louvre (a couple of hundred metres from the hotel). As promised we avoid queues and are whisked in with headsets. Our guide is passionate about her art history (“The marble is very happy here”) but she is VERY short (and I mean very short). Most guides hold something that sticks above the crowd (umbrella, plastic flower or scarf on the shaft of a golf club) to act as a rallying point but our guide does not. Consequently she is easy to lose. Luckily there is a tall couple in the group and I focused on them. It was also fun to try and find her by working out which piece she was talking about.

Parts of the Louvre were busy, other parts not but even the busy parts (Mona Lisa) were nothing like the Sistine Chapel. After the tour we decided to find out where the rental car agency was in order to smooth things for Sunday. We found it quickly – it is inside the Louvre! There is a shopping mall attached and a carpark underneath. Brilliant.

We walk slowly to Notre Dame and look around. Stunning. Catch a cute tricycle back to the hotel – nice cooing breeze as we are slowly pedalled along and the relaxing speed means there is time to see the sites. Much nicer than a taxi. A lot of fun – we were giggling all the way although when he entered intersections with motorists flying in all directions I held my breath.

We rested, had a meal and made our way back to the internet café. We decide to have an early night – watch a women’s football final but … we don’t turn the tv off when it is finished because … next is arm wrestling which makes for great tv! More time is spent by the referee setting up the bout (ie the hand/arm positions) than on the actual wrestling itself. We get through the finals of the lighter weight divisions and then it is on to the super heavyweights won by “The Monster”. Turn the tv off now? No way; next is poker with €1million going to the winner. There were 7 finalists and one by one they dropped out. Riveting stuff. So much for an early night but a very satisfying day.

Thursday 21 May

Given the frustration of the hotel’s internet we have the location of an internet café and head off. An interesting scam is tried on my. An old lady in front of me bends over and “picks” up a wedding ring off the ground. She gives it to me. I tell her it’s not mine and to take it to the police. She says she has no papers. I say I will and head off. All of a sudden she is in front of me asking for money for the ring! I give it back to her.

Great internet café!

Walking back we see a shop selling interesting ties. I am intrigued by the group with the heading “Mystery Ties” On the front they look boringly normal. “Ha ha” I think, the mysterious bit must be on the reverse but, no, the back is the same boring pattern as on the front. So, where is the mystery? Looking INSIDE the tie I find a naked woman! Tina will not let me buy one and I get a feminist lecture. See what happened when we blokes give shiellas the vote!

We go on our Versailles tour. We enjoy the drive out as it is the same route we will be doing independently in a few days time. We are looking carefully.

The tour starts with the gardens, statues, thunderous music from hidden speakers and, because it is a special day, fountains EVERWHERE on display. Brilliant. It’s a long walk and both Achilles are in agony but Tina and I have a system – I hobble along whilst Tina hangs at the back of the group and signals directions to me. A number of people pull out of this part of the tour as the pace is gruelling but I am determined to see everything because it is absolutely brilliant. The guide is clearly not happy with me. I don’t know exactly what she next says because I am hobbling but it involved the ideas of killing me/wishing me dead. Tina is furious and she lets rip at the guide who claims it is just French humour!

Next, after a toilet stop we are to meet the guide at 5pm to go inside. We turn up between5 and 10 minutes early and she whips all of those present through. She clearly does not count her numbers and she starts the inside tour. One poor women turns up at 5 (the time we were told to be there) and misses out. More on her later. The inside tour is magnificent. To finally see the Hall of Mirrors was exciting but the whole 5 hours was great … if only the guide had been a bit more of a human being. The women who missed out complained and go two replacement tours. Tina hand wrote a letter of complaint in the evening and delivered it to the manager the next day.

A lovely meal, relaxing evening organising the photos and typing the blog.

Wednesday 20 May

Another week away from home hs gone by.

Before I start here is a great quote from Saturday 23 May Guardian: “You can never say no to a woman with a tambourine and a bottle of tequila” Brett Sparks describing how he first met his future wife, Rennie (they make up the Handsome Family).

I’m in the shower when I hear a loud “You must be joking!” Uh-oh. I emerge dripping wet to learn that Tina has rung laundry and been told that because TOMORROW is a holiday (they have FOUR of them in May!!!) they’re not doing any today!!!! We go down to breakfast and I do the Ugly American act asking what sort of Mickey Mouse operation they are running and aren’t hotels supposed to provide services. To be fair the young man at reception is also perplexed. They contract out the laundry. He rings and there is a loud exchange in fast and furious French. The result is that the washing was picked up before breakfast was over and returned later that day. Tina tips the young man.

We book 3 tours:
- Versailles
- Louvre guided – gets us in quickly and gives us some basic info
- Paris by night

Tina goes for a haircut. Note, a haircut – they don’t do colour. €70 – that’s $NZ140 for a haircut!!! Over the next few days we pass by many cheaper places. I think she stumbled on the most expensive one in Paris by accident.

We stroll through the Jardin des Tuileries (people relaxing outside, having lunch amongst the fountains, trees and cool grass), Place de la Concorde and along the leafy Champs Elysees. Tina cannot believe how green it all is and how wide the streets and footpaths are. We walk in shade with trees on both sides of us with beautiful buildings and statues along the way. Apart from noisy traffic this is urban heaven. Once we hit the shops we have lunch in a sidewalk café (I have a hot apple cider with 2 cinnamon sticks in it – yummmmm).

Sticking to the Sims rule of never walking past a toilet I follow a sign. I now enjoy the greatest toilet experience of my life. It is in a mall so first I have to pass shops. And what shops they are! Serious retail with huge price tags. I approach the toilet which advertises itself as “The World [sic] Cleanest Toilet”. Now there’s a way of getting over apostrophe difficulties (do I put one in or not; does it go before or after the s?) – just leave the s off the word!!!

I pay €1.50 ($NZ3!!!) and enter. I quickly give the urinals a miss as they are visible to woman entering. I might be a liberal but this is taking things far too far. So, it’s a stall for me and I am glad I did because on the wall there are puzzles. Out comes the notebook (see, I can multitask: do what I have to do AND write down puzzles):
1. What can help people differentiate restrooms from an elevator? See what a sophisticated toilet this is – it uses the word “differentiate”. No “4 a good time ring Suzy on 345 6789”
2. When you spin me I cry. Who am I?
3. I can grow up beyond the world, however I stay on the same spot. Who am I?
4. What can do the world tour while staying in a small corner?

If you want the answers go to www.pointwc.com. I haven’t yet.

I then come to the amazing Dyson airblade to dry my hands. You put your hands down into it and it blasts both sides at once.

Leaving this amazing place you discover the toilet products. A fantastic range of toilet seats with designs such as barbed wire and stick figures of men and women. Then there is the amazing range of toilet rolls: American money, Suduko of varying degrees of difficulty and dozens of fluoro colours. I am seriously in love with this place.

I go back to where Tina is sitting waiting for me and drag her in (“I don’t need to go to the toilet” she pleads. “Need, NEED” I cry, “This isn’t about NEED, it’s an experience”.) I still don’t think she got it. She wouldn’t even look at the cool toilet seats and rolls.

We stroll down the street and visit the Arc de Triomphe.

Next is a long walk down to the Seine where we catch a boat to see Paris from the river. Very relaxing with beautiful buildings and so many bridges.

I buy two Parisian ties. Long walk back to hotel (washing waiting for us).

The internet at this hotel is driving us crazy. It is free (yeah) but we soon find out why. It doesn’t work. We can read emails (but not gmail onces) bu cannot reply if the reply is longer than a couple of sentences. Very frustrating. I would rather pay for a decent service.

At 10pm we go on our Paris By Nigh tour. It goes for nearly two hours and covers all the well known places – beautifully lit. Well worth it.

A long but very satisfying day.

Tuesday 19 May

Up at 5.15am. Hotel has provided us with a bag breakfast. On the bus to the airport we have an elderly fluffy bunny moment. A person asks elderly fb how long their flight back home will be. The reply, “About 10 hours depending on whether we leave on time”!!!!! Even Tina rolled her eyes at that one!

Our suitcases are too heavy, especially mine. All she wants us to do is to lose 2kgs from the case into the carry on, which we gratefully do. We have 3 hours to “kill” until the flight which is an hour forty minutes (no food) followed by another hour wait for the shuttle. The shuttle takes an hour twenty to get us to the hotel and some death defying driving. The day has gone.

We are staying in the Hotel Brighton (room 201) on the Rue de Rivoli. Without asking they hand over the parcel with my licence in it. Well done Kirsten!!! The hotel is literally opposite the Jardin des Tuileries, 200m on the left is the Louvre and on the right about 500m is the Place de la Concorde and the start of the Champs Elysees. The location is great. Our itinerary describes our room as “one superior room with a large bed on the courtyard side”. Don’t get me wrong, the hotel is very nice but:
1. the bed is not large, and
2. there is NO courtyard. I doubt if there ever was one by my definition of a courtyard but at the moment there are renovations so when I look down I see a builder’s hut with scaffolding.

We immediately eat at the café next door (of course “Pokerface” is playing) and then set up our nest for the next 5 nights.

For dinner we go to an Irish pub around the corner (where else would you go in Paris?) and we have a Chinese waiter who doesn’t speak much English OR French! Excellent French Onion Soup. I follow this up with shredded chicken in whisky sauce! I saunter downstairs to the toilet and this excellent music is being played in the basement. I follow the sound and find 4 Frenchmen playing Irish music!

We go on a lovely stroll as Paris is still light late into the evening.

On the streets I am seeing motor bikes/scooters (I can’t tell the difference with some) with two front wheels – one normal, quite wide back wheel and two thinner front wheels. Why?

Tina organises laundry for tomorrow. I have 11 shirts to wash! She keeps telling me this. Tina has been washing the drip dry no creases shirts – she does washing every night/day. There Ross, I said something more about washing. The laundry bill comes to €159 ie $NZ318!!!!!!!

Tina keeps say “grazie” to everyone in Paris – it’s the Italian word for thanks.

Monday 18 May

HOT, HOT, HOT in Pompeii! Loved the brothel. You know how you are in McDonalds and there are pictures of Big Mac, Fillet of Fish etc. In the brothel are far more interesting pictures of positions. So you can say to the prostitute, “I’ll have a number 3, followed by 5 if I’m up to it”. She would probably say, “Would you like fries with that?”

Then it’s the drive back to Rome. The bus has done 2550kms.

Immediately upon arrival at the Sheraton (room 3101) Tina goes on an optional trip to the Catacombs. Only a few go – a bunch of Canadians and one Kiwi. They adopt her as one of them.

Nice group meal near St Angelo Bridge, a night walk over the bridge.

We are toured out after 3 consecutive tours. Looking forward to just being on our own.

Sunday 17 May

We put our coats into the back pack today as we were advised it could rain and Antonio the bus drive offered everyone an umbrella. He is from Naples so he should know, right? It turned out to be the hottest day so far since leaving NZ!

We set off for the Amalfi coast in smaller buses as our touring coach couldn’t negotiate the road. We hadn’t got 2 minutes from the hotel when we ran into a car race/rally and it took forever to work our way slowly through the muddle. Petrol head heaven!

On our way to Positano there were two stops for pictures. An impressive piece of road built out from the cliff in places, which is nerve racking as there is nothing of substance below you. Upon arriving in Positano we had a steep walk down to the beach and then back up again. We bought a small bottle of limoncello so if you want porno pasta and limoncello just let me know!

I bought a shirt and Tina bought a dress and, finally, we found a shop that sold novels in English. Tina had run out and one thing you need to know is that if Tina is without a book to read my life is misery. I told her at Athens airport to buy a book but she wouldn’t and we had not seen, until this morning, a shop with an English section.

We drove back to the port in Sorrento and caught a ferry to the island of Capri. A few of us did the optional small boat trip to see caves and coral (don’t thing Great Barrier Reef; think a smudge of orange just below the waterline. The water was choppy; spray flying over us (it was a very small boat). Great views and a lot of fun.

Then it was on the funicolare (as spelt in Italian ie funicular) up to Capri Town which was so hot. I didn’t do the rest of the tour – Achilles were both sore (the left is now worse than the right – I wonder if I can get an operation and have term 3 off?) and it was too hot. Tina also gave it a miss as she was too hot. We had a lovely long lunch in the shade. A quick look around and then dropped down to the port which was cooler – a long beer under an umbrella by the water. Ferry back to Sorrento.

Our feeling, and shared by some others, was that Capri was no big deal. To us it didn’t compare to Santorini. Others loved Capri. We freshened up (we were very hot and sticky), average group meal which had many complaining to the tour director the next day – it’s that same old problem: starters are ok but the main is not good (dry chicken, no sauce).

Saturday 16 May

Another 6am start. Hot day – up to 30 degrees C after rain being forecast .

Breakfast quotes from two elderly fluffy bunnies: “I’ve no idea what’s going on” (everyone has an itinerary and this is repeated the day/night before) and “The highlight of today is to visit some cemetery”. This was said dismissiely/sarcastically from a Canadian talking about Monte Cassino where many Canadians are buried.

We have an interesting man on the bus. He takes no pictures, talks non-stop during the commentary about his days in the army and obsessively plays with his bag pack. Today he blames the hotel for losing his pyjamas as he leaves the hotel – we are all on the bus. The hotel does a search of their laundry but no pyjamas. We still sit on the bus. Annelies gets the hotel to search his room (whilst we sit on the bus) and there they are …….. under his pillow!!! Who would have thought to look there?

A long drive today – from Fienza (north) to Sorrento (south) but it flies by thanks to the high quality of the main road which is mostly straight with smooth curves. The driver can maintain a high average speed.

We stop at the Commonwealth cemetery at Monte Cassino. I have been here twice now and still haven’t made it into the monastery. In 2006 the guide stuffed it up and delivered us to the monastery one minute before the doors closed for prayers. Am I fated to never get inside? Just imagine if I came a third time, got inside and an 8.7 earthquake hit burying me in rubble. Today it was hot – 30 degrees C.

We arrive in Naples and on to Sorrento. As Annelies says, this part of the trip is all about “scenery, scenery, scenery”.

We visit an inlaid wood factory and shop. We buy a Lazy Susan which is being shipped home. So it’s a carpet from Istanbul, Venetian glass and now a Lazy Susan. At least we didn’t buy the beautiful inlaid table at $NZ48,000!

We stay in La Pace (Peace), room 216. This is a ridiculous room as it is on street level (literally) with the big doors and balcony opening on to a back street. We won’t be able to leave a window open in the night here (and we are here for the next two nights). Don’t get me wrong, it’s a lovely hotel; it’s just that our room is hopeless in its location.

Tina finds that once again there will be NO laundry. Italy is turning out to be a disaster for laundry. No luck in Monecatini and as this is our last two night stop it looks like the laundry will have to wait to France. There is a laundry menu list and an interesting item to be washed are “brass” (sic).

We are taken by mini-bus (the bus couldn’t make it through the steep and narrow city streets) to Ristorante Zi‘ntonio Mare which sits over the water of the Marina Grande. A delightful venue, great views and a good menu (more suited to Tina than me although I was given two substitutes):
- seafood salad (good variety)
- pizza (this area is the home of pizza and has a pizza university (!) Think of the course names, degree titles!
- clams and spaghetti
- salad, baby tomatoes and fresh fish
- lemon dessert (this area produces HUGE lemons
- more limoncello – I have TWO as the waiter felt sorry for me being the only male at a table with 5 women.!!!

The highlight of the evening was provided by Sasha and Lisa-Marie who outlined Canada’s contribution to great cuisine. It is called “Beer Can Chicken”. Here’s how it goes:
1. Chug (not drink, you must “chug”) a ½ can of beer
2. Stick can up “arse” (Sasha’s term – the more sensitive of you might like to use the word “bottom”)
3. Stand chicken upright on lidded BBQ
4. Have one burner on and stand chicken on an unlit burner
5. Cook for 1½ - 2 hours
6. Check chicken regularly to ensure it has not fallen over and chug a beer when you do so!
According to them the chicken just falls off the bone. Tina is going to try it next summer.

Musings: Isn’t it great to be a male when it comes to a group using toilets on the road? Women form a queue whilst guys just cruise on in. Everywhere we go, every famous place the pattern is repeated. It’s not rocket science, why don’t they have more toilets for women?

Quiz time! I am typing this days later in Paris and the hotel gets the Guardian daily (wonderful). Variety mag has called Lars von Trier’s film “Antichrist” “a big, fat art-film fart”. Here are 8 other harsh reviews (with the year of the film). You are to give the film name. Highest score gets a prize.

1. 1958 “Another Hitchcock-and-bull story in which the mystery is not so much who done it as who cares”
2. 1967 “As pointless as it is lacking in taste”
3. 1970 “An insult to intelligence, an affront to sensibility and an abomination to the eye”
4. 1971 “An elegiac, necrophilic, fascist love poem”
5. 1979 “Emotionally obtuse and intellectually empty. Not so much an epic account if a gruelling war as an incongruous, extravagant monument to artistic self-defeat”
6. 1992 “Maybe one of the worst films in the entire solar system, including alien productions we’ve never seen”
7. 1996 “Not funny enough, or dramatic enough, or sexy enough, or bad enough, to qualify as entertainment in an category”
8. 2006 There are inflatable toys that are livelier than Stone, but how can you tell the difference? … is not an erotic thriller. It’s taxidermy”

Friday 15 May

Overcast, a few spits of rain, nice and cool

45 minute drive into Firenza (why do we call it Florence?).

Go to the Academy – a nondescript building on a narrow street. Nothing from the outside would indicate you are about to see one of the great sculptures. Before seeing Michelangelo’s David we see 4 of his unfinished works. The last of these, in particular, shows what is created out of a lump of marble. In this last unfinished piece a leg appears to be emerging from the marble. Stunning. And then on to David. The place is not too crowded so we can slowly study it from every angle. What drew my eye is how ugly and out of proportion the feet were – like something from a Lord Of The Rings movie! This lack of proportion was necessary to support the weight of the piece.

A walking tour – the multi coloured St Mary of the Flower (Santa Maria dei Fiore) and then Piazza della Signoria where there are dozens of statues in an open air museum. Most are originals but there are two notable copies from the Academy: David and Rape of Sabine. In the Academy you cannot take pictures so copies are here.

On to a leather shop where Tina buys shoes.

We spend 40 minutes of our life to post a 4.58kg box home. You have to go through so many steps and I will never complain about our one-stop-shop Post Offices again.

On the way to the Piazza di Santa Croce for lunch I spot a beautiful leather jacket for Tina and this is purchased.

Excellent lunch in the Piazza and you will be pleased to note that at 2.51pm a band played “My Way”.

Bus back to Montecatini and in the evening we wind our way up a mountain. The bus needs an escort as the road is so windy but worth it as at the top is the Ristorante Pietre Cavate with breathtaking views. Here we have 6 starters, a variety of meats with yummy fried vegetables and salads followed by dessert. Then out comes the limoncello (a lemon based liqueur that we like very, very much) and more grappa. If something ails you, take grappa!

Tuscan notes: In the Tuscan dialect they do not pronounce a k or hard c sound so Coca Cola becomes Hoha Hole-la. Kirsten becomes Hersten (with the H brought from the back of the throat).

Thursday 14 May

Quote of the day from Annelies, “Have you seen enough churches? We can say a b c” (another bloody church!).

High humidity – some mozzies in the night with a few bites.

Chaos at breakfast when hotel dining room did not follow instructions. We were supposed to go in at 6.50am and another tour group (“barbarians”) at 7.10am. We stood around until dining room was opened at 7.10 and two groups crushed into a very small serving space. Annelies did not leave the tip.

Brief tramp (with carry ons) to once again meet up with bus – over a new bridge the Venetians don’t like as it was designed by an outsider. We momentarily lose two mums and then their daughters who went to look for them.

We leave Venice island and travel along the Brenta Canal – grand old villas and a sign saying “Campo rugby”.

We drive through the Apennines again; a different route and once again a wonderful road. Very cool to drive fast through a 1.2km tunnel passing big trucks. LOTS of trucks on the road.

The countryside is wonderful. We enter Tuscany and it is very pretty.

We stop for lunch at Fattoria Il Poggio in Lucca where we meet the amazing Elena. She wouldn’t be 5 feet tall but has a 9 feet tall personality. She would make an amazing teacher! She is a born actress and brilliant in her job as the public relations face of the winery/olive oil/restaurant/function centre. One example. In this area every part dislikes every other part over something that happened several hundred years ago. Things are never forgotten or forgiven. This is how Elena describes her neighbours, “Dirty, rotten Pisa!”. Words cannot convey her delivery of this phrase. We have a brief tour and hen a huge lunch:
- 6 wines, extra virgin, cold pressed olive oil, balsamic vinegar – all their own
- a beautiful bean, barley (spelt) soup – Tina has the recipe (I wonder if it will go with the porno pasta?)
- the best fresh pasta I have ever had
- sun dried tomatoes – again, the best I have ever had
- salami, olives, prosciutto ham
- biscotti dipped into sweet dessert wine (Holy Wine)
- grappa (jet engine fuel! Very high alcohol content)

The bus is very jovial on the drive to Pisa. Annelies puts on Dean Martin and we are all singing “That’s Amore”.

As we approach Pisa we have an elderly fluffy bunny gem: “The Leaning Tower’s gotta be here somewhere”. Oh, really?

Bus parks and Annelies has used the money not paid thos morning as a tip to hire a little “train” (it has carriages and runs on the road) which saves us a 20 minute walk.

The Leaning Tower is still leaning.

We stay the first of two nights at Montecatini Terme (spa), Grand Hotel Francia and Quirinale (room 205). Good meal in hotel with a very talented male singer.

Problems

Sorry about lack of blog. After Rome there was NO internet in Assisi, Venice and other small places on our week long trip apart from one dog slow machine in Montecartini.

Got to the hotel in Paris and was excited to find the internet was free. But what's the point of telling us this if it doesn't work. Tina got grumpy with them as she had important work to do and they let her into their office where there was a high speed machine that worked fine - but for the guests .....????

Have found an internet cafe which works just fine. Will type up some more days and come back.

Wednesday 13 May

(It is Thursday 21 May. Absolute hell trying to get internet in Italy and although the hotel in Paris offers free internet it doesn't work. Have found an internet cafe. The story continues ...)

4 weeks on the road; 1/3rd of the way through.

We leave Assisi and head north east. A beautiful road crossing the central mountain range (Apennines). There are constant tunnels and viaducts where we travel above the landscape ie frequently at tree height. The effect of this is that the curves are smoothed out and the SLOWEST corner I saw in the whole trip (I am typing this up at the end of the Italy trip) was 80kph. Compare this to NZ. The Italian main road system is vastly superior.

Once again, we pass through forested land; lush and green. Lovely little villages with stone buildings and terracotta roofs.

The morning tea place was hell. Everyday we stop in the morning and afternoon at these roadside “barns” which mass produce food (coffee, pizza) and sell tourist products. They have clean and mostly free toilets so this is their attraction (although they do not supply a toilet seat. How can this country build the Colosseum but not supply a toilet seat?). Today everything starts off as normal but then we are suddenly invaded by a horde of rude teenage schoolchildren who are on a trip to a nearby water park (I hope they all drowned). They push in. No adult supervision. Many adults, including me, throw our purchases down (literally), walk out and get on the bus. Horrible. Barbarians!

Lunch is near Padova. The patron saint is St Anthony who you pray to if you lose something. I could have done with this knowledge a couple of days ago in the Sistine Chapel. I ask Tina what is she going to do if this place is also invaded with teenagers. “Eat them”, is her reply.

Annalies has famous chocolate, Bacio from Perugia for the bus. They are nice chocolates with nuts and each chocolate has a message. Tina’s is “Love is sudden revelation, a kiss is always a discovery” whilst mine is “Love in the pastime of the leisurely and the leisure of the active”.

We arrive in mainland Venice (Venezia) and say goodbye to our luggage. The suitcases and carry ons are being taken to our hotel on the island of Venice by boat (yesterday at Assisi it was by minivan – our luggage is having its own adventure).

We have a gondola ride - National Geographic writes "The thoroughbred gondola (425 remain) is a romantic indulgence for tourists.". So exciting, relaxing and fun. We see the buildings up close; the tide is high so it is washing into the lowest floor of some buildings. We see our luggage gliding past going in the opposite direction! Quite an odd sight!

Off the gondola and walk through the back streets and over small bridges and suddenly we arrive on St Mark’s Square (Piazza San Marco). Very civilised ie not too many tourists (we don’t count ourselves as tourists. Annelies describes all other tourists, tour parties and tour buses as “barbarians”).

We go to a glass factory/shop for an excellent demonstration (although the furnace was a blast (ha, ha, ha) of heat when we were already too hot – it was VERY humid in Venice). Tina buys 6 small vases which the firm are shipping home. So that’s a carpet and now 6 vases.

We are desperate for our ice tea (becoming seriously addicted to the stuff – cool and refreshing). We had been warned about the prices on St Mark’s Square so we saunter up to a café and ask the price. €5 EACH of the music and €9 EACH for the can of ice tea ie a total of $NZ56!!!!!!!! We go slightly off the Square (about 20m but can still see it and settle for $NZ20 – which is still extortion but, hey, it's all relative). There is a 2 minute sun shower which lowers the humidity slightly.

We cross the Bridge of Sighs (isn’t this a line from Small Faces Itchycoo Park – I never understood what they were singing) and 3 other bridges to meet the “big boat” that will take us to our hotel. Along the way we see big signs saying that anyone who buys a counterfeit item (eg there are a lot of handbags) is themselves committing a crime. Universally these items are sold by black Africans, here illegally and in the clutches of crime gangs who make the counterfeit products. They sell the bags (and watches etc) on sheets. We saw one guy pick up his sheet and run with a police officer after him.

Our hotel, the Continental (room 150) is on the Grand Canal! Amazing atmosphere to be spending a night there. Not the greatest hotel but the location can’t be beaten. There is no air con (not the season – all controlled by law with each region having its own law) but the windows open safely and the noise of the street is a nice backdrop.

We have a lovely meal in the hotel and then an evening cruise by 10 seater water taxis (vaporetto) on the Grand Canal. Lovely lights. A short stroll to St Mark’s Square which is not crowded (even the pigeons are asleep). Part of this excursion includes a drink in the famous Caffé (sic) Lavena. Having rejected it in the afternoon we can pretend we are rich and sit outside and watch the “poor” people looking at us enviously. Each of the top cafés has their own professional musicians. They are brilliant. They play 3 long pieces and then have a break. Immediately the next café’s musicians start up. Then it’s back to “our” musicians. The “poor” people drift around following each performance and there is rousing applause because these people are REALLY good. We nurse our sparkling wine – the first drink was included in what we paid but then ….

A perfect evening.

Musings. Having received the email below I am thinking of a career change.

I just wanted you to know how much I am enjoying your blog Martin -
although 'blog' doesn't quite sound good enough. 'Column'
perhaps?  

It is now getting to me how after getting home I am tending
 to go straight to the Sims.It's taking all I've got not  to send
the link to my school computer!  

Seriously, it is wonderful writing Martin, and superior to much
 that you see turning up in weekend newspapers and
magazines. The new Bill Bryson perhaps? Or maybe like
Michael Palin, reinventing a career in travel journalism?!  

Anyway, thanks for the insights (and entertainment),
on what is obviously becoming an outstanding trip.   

Who would have thought? Hummmmm, what to write on in my new career?

How about bathrooms and toilets? Let’s start with the hotels. Toilet topics first.

1. Are the toilet rolls over or under? This is a topic of debate between Kirsten and I and she changes the rolls in my favourite toilet at home when she comes up. I am an unders kind of guy – she is overs. So far, sadly, she is winning hands down. Only 3 toilets have been unders. OK readers, let’s see if you are awake. It’s survey time. Are you an under or over?
2. How many possible ways are there to build a flushing system?

Now hotel bathrooms.

1. How come there are so many different types of showers that take an engineering degree to work out how to operate them. And then there are the ones on the wrong wall so the water flies out across the floor!
2. In Italy there is an emergency cord in each shower (“chiamata di soccorso, “appel de secours”, “nothilife”). It is the law but Annelies tells us that many of the hotels install and then disconnect them because (a) guests keep pulling the cord (because it’s there), hear nothing so keep pulling it. Meanwhile, reception is being driven crazy! (b) worse, guests use them as clothes lines!!! Again, panic in reception.

And then you leave the civilised world of the hotel and go to a restaurant. It is rare to find a restaurant toilet with a toilet seat and washing your hands is a new challenge. Logically, the law says you shouldn’t touch the tap with dirty hands so they need an alternative. A modern place might have an automatic tap but others have buttons or pedals on the floor.

If Tina was writing this she evaluates a hotel room differently. The hair dryer is important (none in Venice) to her as is being able to safely leave a window open at night (she does not like air con) but the bigee is does the bed have a sheet? Some yes, some no. She likes a sheet.

Another subject to write about could be the unusual habits or personalities of people you travel with on tours. On this tour there are women I have christened “fluffy bunnies”. They have absolutely no idea as to what is going on around them. They talk constantly when the tour guide is giving the group important information, which is why they have no idea as to what’s going on. There are the elderly fluffy bunnies who serenely drift along whilst husbands or daughters pick up the “mess” and attempt to steer them in the right direction. But the really interesting ones are the slightly younger fluffy bunnies. They do their best to look really young but a conversation reveals their true age. All you need to do is ask them about their children and the secret is out. They are divorced, of course, are travelling with another guy, not married to him and there are constant public displays of affection. Get a room!

Another question is why there were no fluffy bunnies on our Greece trip but they are here in Italy. I have a theory. I think fluffy bunnies have heard of Italy and think it would be nice to visit. I don’t think they have ever heard of Greece.

Tuesday 12 May

Hot day.

Up at 5.45am.

I meet American Bob Sims – a member of the tour group. How scary is this? Like me he is a nice guy.

We pick up our driver Antonio and a brand new bus – we are the first to use it.

Annelies gives her own unique introduction to Italy and the tour eg a bidet is “liquid toilet paper”. She has a wicked sense of humour matched with competence and knowledge.

We travel through Umbia and it is beautiful, green, lush. So very different to Greece. I am not putting Greece down here. Both landscapes are mountainous but Greece is dry. Italy has had rain so everything is pretty. We pass through a small place with a castle on a hill (this is very normal) but we go under the castle in a 490m tunnel.

We drive past pretty Spoleto. A place to tuck away in the memory as worthy of a visit in the future.

We stop and do a tour of pretty Spello. Still unspoilt by tourism. Narrow lanes with masses of flowers (next week was their flower festival). 15 Catholic churches for a population of 8,000! Delicious lunch of fresh brown roll filled with whatever we want – we choose local salami and cheese. Sit in the peace of the pretty little square.

We see the building housing cloistered nuns. They never leave this building unless they are ill and once a year their family can visit them but they talk through a grate/grill. Helen and Kirsten – WATCH OUT!

I buy cough medicine and we each pay €.50 ($NZ1) to use a toilet without a seat!

A few minutes down the road we arrive in Assisi. The suitcases have gone ahead in minivans as the bus cannot get to the hotel. Ominous. Assisi is built down a steep cliff face so we have a short but steep uphill climb to the Hotel Subasio. It is the closest hotel to the Church of St Francis (the whole point of going to Assisi) and shares a wall with the church. It is LESS than a stone’s throw away. Famous people have stayed there eg European royalty and down in the reception area is a framed list and it is on the list of historical hotels of Italy. We are in an amazing room (514). It has a chandelier and must be the best room in the hotel because it has TWO balconies. The straight ahead one looks down the valley for 20-40km whilst the one on the right looks into the entrance of the church. Simply amazing. Although it is numbered 514 it isn’t on the 5th floor (as most hotels number). It is on the second floor. Another room with the first number 5 is on the first floor. The numbers make no sense. There is even a floor labelled -1.

The big thing for the day is to go to the tomb and church of St Francis. Nice and cool on a hot day and very beautiful. We enter and mass is being sung. We see the stone sarcophagus of St Francis and are taken around the church by our guide Marco who is a performer!

Have a nap. Group dinner, sitting outside with a billion dollar view.

Repack for Venice as they will take our carry on luggage if we want (yes please) so as to keep our hands free. The luggage will travel by boat.

Monday 11 May

Have not been able to get internet at all/easily/cheaply.

Beautiful weather. Warm.

Kirsten rings early in the morning – Tina’s cell phone bill has arrived and is over $500 for less than an hour’s talk!!! Tina neglected to sign up for global roaming.

We have an insight tour of Rome:

Colosseum – not crowded early in the morning; plenty of time to stroll; another group (a travelling choir?) are singing beautifully in one part – a nice bonus.

a. Vatican Museum – sculpture, tapestry and the Map Room. All spectacular but crowded; herded like sheep in a linear fashion. You dare not stop to admire something or you quickly get left behind as there are so many people/tour groups. An amazing place but not pleasant. But worse is to come.

b. Sistine Chapel – what can I say? As our tour director Annalies asked a few days later, it is something you have to do/see “but did you enjoy it?” The answer is no. The numbers in the small room were simply ridiculous. It was not safe. There was supposed to be no photos but most people (including us) were ignoring this. There was a little man running around shouting “No photos!” but people ignored him and he did nothing. Compare this with the Topkapi Palace in Turkey where if someone took a photo they took the camera taken off them and the photo deleted.Tina got separated from the group – as did at least two others. She was in the right place at the right time but got behind another tour party. Tour parties on the move form an impenetrable mass. During Greece and Italy we have wireless devices so we can hear the guide’s commentary. They don’t have a big range (about 30-40) but in the Sistine Chapel Tina might as well have been on the far side of the moon. She was less than 10 metres away from us and could hear over her headset “Where is Tina?” “Where is my wife?” but she couldn’t make contact. The guide moved us on (a mistake in my view), saying that she was sure the missing people would be at the bottom of the stairs. They weren’t but now there is this mass coming down the stairs behind us and the guide says we can’t stay where we are because an official is barking orders at her to move on. So we move on but this just compounds the problem because when Tina finally gets out she has options. She picks one but it is not the one the guide took. She gets dumped into St Peter’s Square. Wisely she stands there. Meanwhile …

c. We are in St Peter’s Church. Interestingly, flash is allowed as none of the things that look like paintings are paintings – they are all mosaics.

When we exit St Peter’s we catch up with Tina. She and I leave the group, have lunch and go back into St Peter’s where I give her a guided tour and we see a group enter for Mass. Catch a taxi paid for by Insight back to hotel. Rest, shuttle back into centre and have a meal in the piazza in front of the Pantheon (Piazza della Rotonda) for a pasta meal. Tina has Gnocchi (olives, tomatoes, rocket etc) whilst I have Fettuccine alla Bolognese. Excellent meal at the M. Agrippa al Pantheon restaurant.

We go back to the pasta shop where I buy my porno pasta!!! It’s only a small pack so who wants to come to dinner and eat male genitalia???

Back to the hotel to pack for days on the road.

Observation: if I lived in Rome, Athens or any large city I would buy a scooter. The scooter is king in Rome.

Sunday 10 May

Mother's Day in Rome! Another beautiful sunny, not-a-cloud-in-the-sky day.

We have had a terrible night's sleep. Both woke up at 3 stifling. Even though it is a security disaster we opened balcony door. It would be so easy to break into this room but we see no other way to get some air into the room.

I immediately start having an asthma attack which goes on for hours and later in the day turns into a chill/developing cold.

We decide to stay in the hotel. We did a lot of walking yesterday, are tired, have a mountain of washing/charging batteries to do and I don't feel to good. We also have many busy days coming up. So we don't leave the hotel. Quite relaxing and the right decision. Tina does masses of washing and ironing (on Mother's Day - I did offer to do it) with an idiosyncratic iron.

So ... no photos today. We already have THOUSANDS! I am not exaggerating.

More on previous comments:

1. Italian style - the toilet brush in our bathroom is so stylish! Nice flowing lines.

2. My Way - the pianist in the dining room has his cd for sale. Guess what track 12 is?

We meet our new tour guide and group. Her name is Annelies Zwijns. A real Italian name, right? No, she is Dutch.

Saturday, 9 May

Tina wakes just after 5am obsessing about washing. Yesterday she discovered that the laundry does not run on both Saturday and Sunday. This throws her and is a bit pathetic for a 4/5 star hotel. She is up just after 6am doing washing.

The bed/pillow combination are the best so far on the trip.

Magnificent breakfast.

We catch the 11.30am shuttle. This is the last one you can catch until 3pm so you need to get to it early or you are doomed. It fills quickly. A family of 4 roll up at 11.29. Ha! Waste of time, people. This is what is wrong with this hotel. On the one hand it is beautiful and comfortable. Great rooms and food. But it is isolated. The mid-size shuttle bus needs to be bigger AND it needs to run more often (as the one in Athens did). This survival-of-the-fittest thing is ridiculous.

Once in town first stop is the Piazza Venezia and its beautiful buildings and then over to Trajan's Column. We then notice a wedding about to end so with hundreds of others we sit on the steps and wait. Tina comments on the women's fashions: high heels, off the shoulder thingees and wrap around thingamabobs.

Down Via del Corso which is filled with women's shops and we go into every one. Tina buys a lovely top. Dark navy with nice pattern and interesting bits. She's had a bit of a disaster with two tops brought from NZ so needs one as a standby.

A light lunch in the shade - the temperature is climbing - and on to the the Trevi Fountain which has Tina gasping when she first sees it. I buy a tie - normal one, not weird. Before we leave Trevi Fountain ("Drove my Chevy to the Trevi but the Trevi was dry") we go into a clothes shop called Paul and Shark. Had nice things in the window. I see this amazing tie. It has between 10 and 15 2-3 cm sharks on it in "diamonds" (Tina says they will be crystals). It is so cool. It is 309 Euros ($NZ618!!!) so we get out of there fast! But it was so cool. Deep sigh.

We have a small parcel to post home so find the post office I used in 2006. It is virtually empty. I go up to a young woman behind the counter who says I need to go to the shop to buy a posting bag. No worries. Do so and come back to the young woman. There is NO-ONE else around. She tells me I have to get a ticket from a yellow machine and then come back to her when my number comes up (THERE IS NO-ONE ELSE AROUND). I find 3 yellow machines but they don't give me a ticket. I find another young woman who shows me the right yellow machine and I am number 53. Number 53 comes up so back to the counter I go but 54 has pushed in. He is sending serious legal looking documents. He has a big official stamp which he puts on each one and each one goes into a separate serious looking envelope (registered mail???). This takes ages and I stand there until it is my turn. I really wanted to do serious harm to number 54.

We make our way to Spanish Steps. Along the way we find a street which has Jimmy Choo (no prices on the shoes - if you have to know/ask then you shouldn't be in the shop), Cartier, Prada, Armani Louis Vuitton, Gucci (I fancy a tie but it's 120 Euro [$ZN240], Dior, Yves St Laurent. I try to hurry Tina along to the Spanish Steps. Her reply, "Bugger the Spanish Steps - this is THE street!".

Finally get to Spanish Steps in the Piazza di Spagna but all hope of catching the 3.15pm shuttle has gone. Tina notices The Keats-Shelley Museum right next door - the last home of Keats (he died in the house). She is very excited and all hope of the 4.30pm shuttle disappears. It was very interesting and one of those bonus little things which she enjoyed. Go to http://www.keats-shelley-house.org/ for more. Whilst she was in there I pottered around and found these instructions at the bottom of the Spanish Steps:
Do not dirty having meal or drinks
Make camp or get bedding is not allowed
Using the area for defecating is prohibited
Do not shout, racket or sing"
I am happy to report I obeyed all these rules.

Right next door was the Byron shop. It wasn't what I expected - no sign of the man since Athens - it was a men's clothing shop. I bought a tie! It is the latest thing in fashion for ties - comes in contrasting colours so the knot is different from the hanging down bit. I'll be a fashion trendsetter! So far, 3 ties purchased on the trip.

We make our way back to the shuttle. Find a beautiful piazza with another column that looks like Trajan's. I need to do some research to find its name.

5.45pm shuttle back, yummy buffet in the hotel with excellent wine (a very dark red from Sicily).

Musical observations:
1. Song of the trip - Pokerface. From the mall and desert of Dubai, through Turkey, Greece and now the shops of Rome this song is following us like a bad smell.
2. Tune of the trip - My Way. Every street busker, lift, pianist on the ship or in hotel dining rooms. "Regrets, I've had a few; then again, too few to mention"

Friday 8 May

Another beautiful, sunny day both as we leave Athens early in the morning and all day in Rome.

We are up at 4.10am, get rid of suitcases. Insight have organised a hot drink and croissant which was nice of them. We leave for the airport at 5.30am and I fall asleep on the shuttle. At the airport we say goodbye to Ann and David Grady - they have become good friends over the last couple of weeks.

Air Aegean - good leg room, just an hour 40 minutes flight, light meal served featuring yoghurt. Put watches back an hour - now 9 hours behind NZ.

We are met at Rome Airport by a driver who takes just us to the St Peter's Crowne Plaza Rome Hotel. It is set in large grounds with a high wall. Later we go for a walk and there is NOTHING around - other buildings with high walls. No shops. Nothing to see. We are in a little isolated bubble with their own shuttle bus to take guests into the centre.

It is very hot - gets to 30 degrees C later. Lovely hotel. As we arrive at the reception desk the smiling Italian women checks our passports and informs us she is soon to marry a New Zealander. Although he is from Auckland so does he really count???!!! The good news is that our room is available. So far we have been lucky in this - we keep arriving early and tired and every room has been available. We are in room 227 which has TWO double beds. The double beds are small but the room is big and the balcony is a heat trap. Tina immediately washes our pjs (we've been in them a while!) and they dry in less than 2 hours.

We nest (here for 4 nights) and go to lunch. The Italians do things in style. The bottle of water Tina gets is glass, is green and has a lovely label. There were lots of business meetings going on. Men is lovely suits and Tina was looking at the women's shoes - I was just looking at the women as I ate my $21 hamburger!

We caught the shuttle into central Rome at 3pm. Behind us are a young couple. The young woman, with a lovely Irish accent, is on her cell phone arranging to meet a friend. "Let's meet at the place where Caesar died". I'm sure Julius would be happy to have helped them out.

We get our bearings using the map the hotel gave us and we get to the Pantheon. Tina loves it and we stay for ages. Then I am puzzled. I want to take her to the Piazza Navona. I remember it being on the left of the Pantheon (as you face it) but the map says to go right. I trust my memory and go left and get to the Piazza in a few minutes. It then hits me. The graphic on the map has the Pantheon 180 degrees around the wrong way!

We saunter, people watch. You can spend hours (if you have the time) in this Piazza. I notice a lot of tourist coming out of a smallish door so we wander in. Glad we did. An absolutely gorgeous church - Church of St Agnese in Agone. We sit and take it all in.

Time for a cold drink. We go to one of the many cafes in the Piazza. I order The Freddo al Limone which the menu translates as Cold Tea to the Lemon!!! Tina has The Freddo alla Pesca - peach. Both refreshing. Other translation gems from the menu are "stained milk" and "grogs".

Saunter some more and then it's time to have pizza in the Piazza!!! Very thin base compared to NZ; tasty. Accompanied with salad and beer. Yes, Tina drinks a small beer!!!

Time to wander back to the pick up point for the shuttle. We go past a pasta shop (read the last 4 words quickly). Amazing shapes and colours. There is pasta shaped like hats, wheels and ... hmmm, how do I put this delicately ..... a bloke's meat and two veg/wedding tackle!!!! Tina won't let me buy a packet! Just imagine that on your plate staring at you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are first at the shuttle meeting point but being newbies we don't understand that the sign "first come, first served" doesn't mean what it says. We expected to be the first on the bus but it is survival of the most aggressive. No standing is allowed on the bus so if there are more people than seats then, bad luck, some miss out (and this had happened in the last couple of nights). People push in. We get a seat.

We have been awake a long time so immediately crash.

Thursday 7 May

Another beautiful day - warm, sunny throughout (24 degrees C at 6pm).

Tina is a mess this morning! She leavers her nightie in the bathroom (found after the suitcases have gone) and her travel bag (passport, money etc) in the dining room!! She blames me for throwing her routine out by me having first shower! Why is it that women do things wrong but it is always a bloke's fault??????

Stelios, our driver, takes the bus up the rocks of Meteora. We firstly visit the Monastery of St Stephen - Greek Orthodox nunnery for 31 nuns. Beautiful frescos in the church. Amazing views from so high up.

A few minutes as the bus climbs and then it is hundreds of steps down through lovely, cool woods and then steps up and a bridge to the Monastery of St Barbara - again a nunnery (although a former home to monks) with 16 nuns. It is older and more breathtaking in its location.

And that's just about the end of our Glories of Greece tour. It is a long bus drive from the centre of Greece back to Athens and is done in 3 stages. I feel motion sickness near the end of the first stage. I take pills and Anna has travel sickness gum which numbs my mouth. I move to the front of the bus.

The drive back to Athens is along a magnificent highway - straight and fast. Tolls were 7 Euro for the bus. Once again we went through 6 tunnels in succession (a different set of 6 tunnels the 5th one being 2..7km long).

We did get stuck in a traffic jam at 5pm as we arrived into Athens but Stelios and Anna expected it as we hit evening rush hour.

I have talked about the bus before but forgot to mention that as well as masses of legroom and aisle seats that slide sideways each seat also has a big recline so you can be comfortable when falling asleep.

Some more comments on Insight tours. We have now done a sea and land tour (2 more Insight tours to go). As you have read I am impressed. I know I am a grumpy and critical old bugger but I have no huge criticisms of Insight. Your luggage is taken from the bus to your room; picked up in the morning and put back on the bus. All you do is walk off. Your room key is waiting for you - no registration. Transfers to the airport are all taken care of. They do seat rotation so everybody gets a fair go at front and back seats. This is good but I don't like being in the back half of the bus as I feel ill. In conclusion: a well organised company, excellent buses and drivers, excellent guide, very good hotels. We were well looked after.

We arrive back at the Metropolitan Hotel (room 557) and everything is organised for us to leave tomorrow. We are quickly into our room and with David and Anne go to Lazaros Restaurant for the third time.

I then get David and Ann's photos; pack.

Observation: It has been sunny and sometimes I don't wear my hat. Yet I have not got burnt. In NZ if I don't wear a hat I am a mess after 30 minutes. Why the difference?

Lastly, I know I have not said much about each of the highlights for the last 4 days. but that is because words cannot describe the things we have seen. Here we are seeing the things we have known about since childhood.

Wednesday 6 May

We have been away 3 weeks today. And it's pay day!

Four seasons in one day today. The morning at Delphi was forecasted to be cold but was another beautiful sunny, warm day. After lunch in Itea (port of Delphi) a thunderstorm started to roll in. It hit just as our bus pulled out. A mix of sun and rain as we drove 4 hours. Temperature dropped to 13 degrees C. Now it is evening in Kalambaka and it is lovely and mild.

Delphi was amazing; both for the place that it is and its setting. Sheer mountains surround it to give it a dramatic setting. The Temple of Apollo where the Oracle gave her spaced-out ambiguous messages was excellent. Tina has received a message but she won't tell me what it is! We had another excellent guided tour. The museum was superb - better that Olympia's and that was great! As you enter the Temple of Apollo the words on your left are "Know thyself" and the words on the right are about moderation.

Posted a 2.6 kg package home. Heard from Kirsten that the first one had arrived already. Must have had a misunderstanding and posted it from Crete by air mail.

Around us there is snow in the high mountains - they are still skiing high up.

We stopped for a photo op at Thermopylae.

At the afternoon tea place I had my usual difficulty in getting milk. Armed with my "perfect" Greek I kept saying "gala, gala" and the woman behind the counter looked very puzzled. Finally she said "Ah, milk". What a waste of my Greek.

Staying night in very nice Hotel Divani, Kalambaka. Nice meal, stroll and noisy internet cafe.

Another excellent day.

Tuesday 5 May

A lovely sunny day. Forecast was 13 degrees C - it was 23 degrees C!

This morning was spent in Olympia - the site of the pan-Grecian games. Much bigger site than expected. The ruins are extensive and the stadium was in excellent condition and very attractive. We did the 100m crawl - let's blame my achilles for not setting a world record!

Then a 4 drive to Delphi (Delfi on local signs). We both slept for much of the first half - hadn't slept too well. Many others in bus slept as well as in the hotel last night was a large group of senior Greek students and they were noisy! Some told them off; others rang management. We didn't hear a thing.

Our halfway stop was across from Petra. We bypassed Petra using the ring road. It was impressive as we went through 6 successive tunnels. We crossed the Trikoupis Bridge (aka Rio-Antirio) Bridge - a beautiful piece of engineering. It was 58 Euros for the bus to cross one way. The stop was an "evil" place - it had dozens of beautiful pasties/cakes. People took pictures and many broke vows and tasted. My quest for "gala" was successful. With my cup of tea they keep giving me little pottles of light brown evaporated milk which do not taste nice. I have learnt the word for milk milk - gala and I keep saying it until I get milk milk!!!

A beautiful drive along the Ionian Sea - great views of lovely sea, islands, white houses with orange roofs, bauxite mines (not such a pretty sight!).

A steep, steep climb up to Delphi. - 600m up. We got stuck in the one way main street behind another tour bus that was unloading. It stops in the middle of the narrow street so we stop and sit - as does everyone behind us. There is no alternative.

Hotel Amalia (room 462) is a nice hotel with breathtaking views of sea in the distance and mountains to the left and right. Excellent buffet meal.

Impression: ever since and including Patmos I have been impressed by roadside shrines - about the size of a letter box. Inside there are icons and there is olive oil in a bottle to light a candle. They are called iconostasia and are very beautiful. They are built to remember a family member killed on the raod or to wish travellers safe travel.

Goodys = the Greek McDonalds.

Monday 4 May

Vodaphone ring Tina at 4.08am to ask if she is happy with their service. You can imagine her answer! To be fair, it was 1pm NZ time when they rang.

Here's a Greek joke for the classically minded: a new type of column has been discovered. So far there are Corinthian, Doric and Ionic. Now they have discovered Ironic and Iconic columns!

At breakfast we farewell Lesley and her daughter Layna from Canada.

We leave just after 8am. First stop is Corinth Canal - impressively steep walls.

Then 40 mins to Mycenae which we share with hundreds of noisy Greek school children. Very tempting to relive ancient sacrifices! They are just like kids everywhere: chewing, on cell phones and so NOISY!

The wind is very cold and there are a few spits of rain - not enough to spoil anything though. We visit the acropolis of Mycenae, the home of Agamemnon and then his beehive tomb when his wife kills him. Another pile of impressive old rocks.

I slept for most of the next section of the drive (Tina had slept in the morning). Brief stop at Megalopolis (which does not live up to its name) and then a nice drive along the western coast of Greece, turning inland and arriving at Olympia at 6pm in heavy rain.

Some impressions:
1. The bus: new, masses of legroom (Insight advertises this and they are not exaggerating), the aisle seat slides sideways for even more room and the ride is very smooth (especially as it a mountainous country with lots of zigzag driving).

2. The trip: nice small sections (no more than 1 hour 45 mins). Hour after hour of blackened trees from huge fires Greece had a couple of years ago. Very mountainour country. Small villages semi deserted (people gone to bigger urban areas). Houses half built - there is no mortgages in Greece so you build what you can afford and add to it when you can. Anna (tour guide) was describing Greece and at one point she talked about the mainland and POLYNESIA which is two Greek words meaning many islands.

3. The hotel: Antonios (room 210). Nice view, just above town. Nice room though dark as there are very few lights. Welcomed with an Ouzo (!!), olives, yummy cheese and carrot sticks. Free wireless in lobby. Good meal .

Sunday 3 May

First stop today is the Temple of Zeus and Hadrian's Arch.

Then a stroll to the changing of the guard. On Sunday at 11am they do the full thing with band and white uniforms. Impressive. Lots of police shouting and blowing whistles to push the tourists back.

On the way to this we saw the statue of Lord (naughty boy) Byron with some Greek bint! Then a cool site. In the last few years Athens has built a subway. Before every centimetre archaeologists had to approve the route. We wandered passed an area the subway had to go around as it was a Roman bath. What would we do in NZ? Bulldoze it down!!!

Back to internet cafe to publish a week of blog entries. Nice lunch and continue exploring the Plaka. Saw Hadrian's library.

Back in hotel Tina irons (ie complains about the number of shirts I have been wearing). Then a surprise. John the Texan brings in his camera cards and we swap photos. Thank goodness for Tina's laptop, a card reader and the portable hard drive I brought. We say goodbye to John and his wife Helen, his sister June and Aunt Betty.

We went to the optional meal in the Plaka - many courses, music and dancing. Once again the main course is poorly done - great starters and salad and excellent entertainment. Pack cases as we leave Athens tomorrow.

Saturday 2 May

Sunny, warm.

Half day tour to get orientated and up to the Partheon on the Acropolis. The first stop is the stadium of the ancient Athenian games and was "recently" used when the modern olympics were restarted (1896). It's all marble - even the toilets as Tina discovered! See lots of famous buildings and then a steep walk with guided tour up to the Parthenon on top of Athen's Acropolis (it seems most places in Greece have an acropolis - we certainly saw a lot of them). For over 40 years I have seen pictures and read about this but to stand there is simply stunning. And the views of Athens below!

We are dropped off in the centre of Athens. Go for a stroll to find the Plaka, take a wrong turn and have no idea where we are. Stop for lunch (an outstanding salad that has Tina thinking about how she can prepare Greek food) and helpful staff point us in the right direction. Stumble across an outstanding and cheap internet café (English keyboards, huge screens, fast connection). Catch up on a week’s emails.

Go and watch the changing of the guard at Parliament Building – an impressive ceremony but I need to do some reading as to the meaning of parts of it. To me it looked rather strange but I am sure everything meant something.

Comment on Athens - graffiti EVERYWHERE.

7.30pm is the Insight meeting followed by tour party dinner in hotel. Ever since we have arrived we have been suspicious about our door locking and we realise that it is not. First turn of the handle tells you it is locked - second turn opens the door! Staff deal with this quickly and we are in a different room (445). Rushed, stressful but we are now secure.

Friday 1 May

Another 5.30 start! Isn’t this meant to be a holiday?

We disembark at Lavrion at 7am and it’s an hour’s drive to the Hotel Metropolitan (room 458). This hotel is not in the centre and runs a shuttle. It is near the Aegean Sea. The good news is that our room was free. You guessed it – we fall fast asleep (most comfortable pillow so far on the trip). Wake two hours later and still feel I am gently rolling as if I was still on the ship.

1 May is a holiday with strikes, protests (we see some footage on tv in the evening). This means virtually nothing is open and the shuttle is not running. Excellent. A free day to relax and catch up on postcard writing and all those little things that need doing. We go out to lunch with David and Ann to a recommended local restaurant (Lazarus). Again, it proves the rule to eat where the locals eat. It was packed with Greeks and we can see why. The food was great. We all had peinirli (pizza in a boat). Then dessert came out for free! We booked our evening meal there as well.
Back in the hotel another nap and do jobs. Back at the Lazarus we had the set men for 20 Euro a head (2 appetizers, a salad that was a meal in itself, lovely main, dessert and drinks). Excellent food and great value.

We return to find lots of tour info in our room. Tina does washing.

Thursday 30 April

Sunny, not a cloud in the sky, still waters and forecast high of 21C.

We dock in Aghios Nikolaos, Crete. Once again we are up at 5.30am and for this morning’s tour we give history a miss and do A Taste Of Crete. It starts with a scenic look around and the fist stop is at the Cretin Olive Oil Farm. Here we see how olive oil is made and there is tasting of olive oil, olive pate and marmalades. Of course there is alcohol - raki. Tina loves it but it’s not really me.

Next is the small town of Kritsa where we are taken to a restaurant and given nice things – local tea (we think camomile), local honey and yoghurt, small savouries with local fillings, local cheese. All very nice. Oh, and there is alcohol (raki again). There is also local music and dancing.

The good news for us was that we found a post office in the town with people who have some English and we post a 3.5kg box home. Excellent weight reduction.

Back to the boat. Meeting about Santorini disembarking and tomorrow’s disembarkation. We can’t go to the expected port of Piraeus in mainland Greece because it is May Day tomorrow with strikes and possible road blocks. We are to land in smaller port of Lavrion.

The first views of Santorini are breathtaking. Sheer cliffs rising from the sea with human habitation perched on top. We disembark on to tender boats which take us to shore with the only (?) road up to the top. And what a road it is! Narrow and zigzagging up about a thousand feet. We travel to the northern most town (Oia) which is evidently the most picturesque town. We can believe this; the views are simply amazing. Wait to you see the pictures. The houses are built into the rocks (cave houses). We instantly fall in love and can imagine staying here. We get a glass of wine and drink in the views. In the carpark I count 12 buses from my seat (there may have been more which I could not see). It is very busy. We buy nuts coated in sesame seeds – yummmmmmmmmmm.

We go back to the main town of Thira and drop a thousand feet very quickly in a cable car. The other two options are to walk or take a smelly donkey.

Tender boat back to the ship. After dinner it is pack, put suitcases outside the cabin door where they are whisked away. I went to the talent quest.