Sunday 7 June

Today is warmer and not raining. Washing done and we head off to discover Tina's past.

First stop is the house Tina, Mike and their parents lived in before coming to NZ (Mike was born in the house) – 45 Empress Road. As we approach the house the owners are leaving. We introduce ourselves and they invite us in for a cup of tea and a chat and show us around. They bought the house off Tina’s grandparents on her mother’s side. Lovely people.

Next was Church Street School (now called Egremont) and down to the River Mersey and lunch in the Egremont Ferry Hotel.

On to St Mary’s and the church where Tina’s parents got married and Tina was baptised. It was all locked up so we walked around the outside. Sadly the paths and grounds had been let go. We got back in the car and were setting TomTom when Tina saw a man locking the gates. She ran up to him; he was the Verger and a lovely man. We were invited in and the inside was lovely.

We finished with two grandparents houses and then back “home” to meet another cousin, Gill (Gillian – pronounced Jill), her husband Martin (and he plays chess!!!) and their three children (James, Sally and Sam). They stayed for a meal.

In the evening we go to Gordon Fair; the lovely man who has organised Tina’s week. He has a beautiful home on the coast (the Irish Sea???).

More from “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren”:
Geography
- A consonant is a large piece of land surrounded by water
- A glazier is a man who runs downs mountains
- The general direction of the Alps is straight up
- The population of Sydney is a bit too thick
- Britain has a temporary climate
- In some rocks there are to be found the fossil footprints of fishes
- Coal is decayed vegetarians
- The climate of the island is wet but embracing
- A Native American calls his wife a squaw and his children squawkers
History
- King Arthur lived in the age of Shivery
- Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock
- In the Olympic Games Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits and threw the java
- The Persians outnumbered the Greeks because they had more men
- The wife of a duke is a dukky
- Alexander the Great conquered Persia, Egypt and Japan. Sadly he died with no hairs
- Another Greek myth was Jason and the Golden Fleas
- John of Arc was burnt to a steak
- Queen Elizabeth never married, she had a peaceful reign
- Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence
- Joan of Arc was Noah’s sister
- When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted “hurrah”. Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo
- Medieval people were violent. Murder during this period was nothing. Everybody killed somebody.
- The Turks manicured the pilgrims
- Victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks
- The King wore a scarlet robe trimmed with vermin
- Ivan the Terrible started life as a child, a fact that troubled his later personality
- In the middle of the 18th century all the morons moved to Utah
- The German Emperor’s lower passage was blocked by the English
- The British used mostly Aztec troops to do their fighting at Gallipoli
- In 1937 Lenin revolted Russia after the Germans sent him home in a soiled train
- Clive committed suicide three times and the third time they sent him to India
- Louis XVI was gelatined to death
- The French Revolution was caused by overcharging taxis
- Henry VIII by his own efforts increased the population of England by 40,000
- Hitler’s instrumentality of terror was the Gespacho
- When things didn’t go as planned, Stalin used the peasants as escape goats