Hot day.
We walk to Buckingham Palace to see changing of the guard. Arrive and stand in a good spot for 40-50 minutes. Watch the changing for an hour and then take photos of the area once the crowd clear. Talk to a lovely friendly policeman on a horse (Griffindor). He was going along the crowd calling out "Does anyone speak English?". He got no takers (the event was watched by masses of non-English speakers) until I called out. He stopped the horse and we had a long chat. It was very hot in the sun.
We walked down The Mall in the shade. Both sides of the street lined with huge Union Jacks. Lots of horse poo - I take photos of it. Tina thinks I am becoming obsessed by horse manure.
We go into the Institute of Contemporary Art. Yes, Martin goes into the Institute of Contemporary Art!!!!! Just when you think I might be developing a cultural bone I have to confess it was only because they had a loo and a cold drink!
We go to Trafalgar Square and Nelson's Column. Then head for Picadilly. On the way we see Her Majesty's Theatre and book tickets to Phantom Of The Opera for Thursday and then saunter into NZ House to see the beautiful carving by Inia Te Wiata (well, mostly carved by him as he died before completing it). Next day a learned taxi driving describes the building as "brutalist architecture" - it is an ugly building out of keeping with others around it. The taxi driver also told us it was a listed heritage building - ugly but unique.
Next door there is a big queue to get into the Sports Bar to watch the 2nd Lions v South Africa test.
We head to the Thames and on the way I buy a black and white checked pork pie hat!!!
I'll wear it as I get off the plane!
We walk past No 10 Downing Street. Nice chat with a policeman.
We go for a cruise on the Thames. We hopped off and booked Globe tickets for Wednesday. Wanted to go to Romeo & Juliet but it is booked out until August so we will go to As You Like It but if we want unrestricted view we can't sit together! We take whatever good seats we can get.
Saw Tower Bridge open which is evidently quite are.
As we head back on the boat the skies darken and there is thunder and lightning as well as a strong wind. No rain on us.
Long walk back to the hotel. Stop for dinner at a little pub. We have been out for over 9 and a 1/2 hours. Sore feet but very satisfying day.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday 26 June
We cross the Severn Bridge and pass through a small town called Pennsylvania!
We enjoy our time in Bath. Want to come back. Went to the Roman baths, of course, and then had morning tea in the Pump Room. Talk about inadequately dressed for the grandeur of the room which harked back to a former time when we would have promenaded around the room. Sadly, all people can see is my stubby little legs poking out of my shorts. I have a Traditional Bath Bun with Monkey King tea! The bun comes with cinnamon butter which was so yummy. Tina has a warm cheddar cheese and chives scone. Other items from the menu were Lemon and Poppy Seed Scones and Sultana and Demerara Crust Scone. There was a violin, cello and piano playing - similar to St Marks Square, Venice.
We then had a glass of Bath water - strange taste of many minerals.
Tina visits Bath Abbey whilst I take photos of unusual but compelling sculptures.
Need more time! Didn't get to Jane Austen museum. Drive past her birthplace but there is a huge truck parked in front of it so no photo.
Interesting pub name - The King's Head. Presumably a reference to Charles I.
Nest, and last stop on the tour is Stonehenge. It took us by surprise as it is so small. I don't want to put down the amazing achievement of the builders; it's just that it doesn't take long to get around it. The only thing that slows you down os the lengthy audio commentary.
Within 30 seconds of leaving we are caught up in a traffic jam!
The mileage for the trip is 1839 ie 2942kms.
We are dropped where we started (the Thistle) and catch a taxi to City Inn Westminster, room 222 which is our 40th bed. It is a new room, very well appointed and comfortable. We are made very welcome with 10% off meals, free wine, free fruit. We don't know but we think it may because we are staying 8 nights. There is also free internet/wifi in the room. The tv is an Apple iMac.
From the Guardian
Carol Ann Duffy is the new poet laureate (and first female in 341 years of the post) and has just released her first poem. It is titled "Politics" and deals with the expenses scandal which occupies masses of media space. The Guardian says it "is a powerful, passionate commentary on the corrosiveness of politics on politicians and the ruinous effect on idealism."
POLITICS
How it makes of your face a stone
that aches to weep, of your heart a fist,
clenched or thumping, sweating blood,of your tongue
an iron latch with no door. How it makes of your right hand
a gauntlet, a glove-puppet of the left, of your laugh
a dry leaf blowing in the wind, of your desert island discs
hiss hiss hiss, makes of the words on your lips dice
that can throw no six. How it takes the breath
away, the piss, makes of your kiss a dropped pound coin,
makes of your promises latin, gibberish, feedback, static,
of your hair a wig, of your gait a plank-walk. How it says this -
politics - to your education education education; shouts this -
Politics! - to your health and wealth; how it roars, to your
conscience moral compass truth,
POLITICS POLITICS POLITICS.
We enjoy our time in Bath. Want to come back. Went to the Roman baths, of course, and then had morning tea in the Pump Room. Talk about inadequately dressed for the grandeur of the room which harked back to a former time when we would have promenaded around the room. Sadly, all people can see is my stubby little legs poking out of my shorts. I have a Traditional Bath Bun with Monkey King tea! The bun comes with cinnamon butter which was so yummy. Tina has a warm cheddar cheese and chives scone. Other items from the menu were Lemon and Poppy Seed Scones and Sultana and Demerara Crust Scone. There was a violin, cello and piano playing - similar to St Marks Square, Venice.
We then had a glass of Bath water - strange taste of many minerals.
Tina visits Bath Abbey whilst I take photos of unusual but compelling sculptures.
Need more time! Didn't get to Jane Austen museum. Drive past her birthplace but there is a huge truck parked in front of it so no photo.
Interesting pub name - The King's Head. Presumably a reference to Charles I.
Nest, and last stop on the tour is Stonehenge. It took us by surprise as it is so small. I don't want to put down the amazing achievement of the builders; it's just that it doesn't take long to get around it. The only thing that slows you down os the lengthy audio commentary.
Within 30 seconds of leaving we are caught up in a traffic jam!
The mileage for the trip is 1839 ie 2942kms.
We are dropped where we started (the Thistle) and catch a taxi to City Inn Westminster, room 222 which is our 40th bed. It is a new room, very well appointed and comfortable. We are made very welcome with 10% off meals, free wine, free fruit. We don't know but we think it may because we are staying 8 nights. There is also free internet/wifi in the room. The tv is an Apple iMac.
From the Guardian
Carol Ann Duffy is the new poet laureate (and first female in 341 years of the post) and has just released her first poem. It is titled "Politics" and deals with the expenses scandal which occupies masses of media space. The Guardian says it "is a powerful, passionate commentary on the corrosiveness of politics on politicians and the ruinous effect on idealism."
POLITICS
How it makes of your face a stone
that aches to weep, of your heart a fist,
clenched or thumping, sweating blood,of your tongue
an iron latch with no door. How it makes of your right hand
a gauntlet, a glove-puppet of the left, of your laugh
a dry leaf blowing in the wind, of your desert island discs
hiss hiss hiss, makes of the words on your lips dice
that can throw no six. How it takes the breath
away, the piss, makes of your kiss a dropped pound coin,
makes of your promises latin, gibberish, feedback, static,
of your hair a wig, of your gait a plank-walk. How it says this -
politics - to your education education education; shouts this -
Politics! - to your health and wealth; how it roars, to your
conscience moral compass truth,
POLITICS POLITICS POLITICS.
Thursday 25 June
Uncomfortable night: uncomfortable bed and pillows and a hot room.
5.15am start (!!!) to catch ferry - back to the bad old days of early starts on the boat in the Greek islands.
It is a slightly smaller ferry than first crossing. Whereas that was a crossing from North Wales to Dublin this is from Rosslare (southeast of Wexford) to Pembroke, Milford Haven Harbour, South Wales. It also took slightly longer - 4 hours. Once again a millpond.
On board I bought a 4 part dvd of the Irish Famine.
We drive across South Wales and end up in Cardiff (Caerdydd). We have ONE hour in Cardiff which is a joke and many are unhappy - especially when out nice hotel is MILES out of Cardiff. So one hour is it for Cardiff. Thanks for coming.
Hotel is Copthorne Hotel Cardiff, room 221. Very nice hotel and we had a lovely view over a small lake/large pond. I asked reception where we were and they said St Fagans/Culverhouse Cross - I will track this down when I return. 39th bed.
We have the best optional meal out of the trip. Other places could learn a thing or two from this old pub (1380!!!!!! - think about that). Thatched roof. It is the Blue Anchor Inn in East Aberthaw, Vale of Glamorgan. I have a pint of the local beer (as usual). It is called "Brains" - does it give you some or take them away?
From the Guardian
A quarter page article discusses the word leptokurtic. Excerpts:
"It reminded me of the first time I heard the word heteroscedasticity"
"The word leptokurtic commands some 40,000 references on Google - against a mere 1,900 for its cousin platykurtic and a paltry 547 for mesokurtic."
The article then goes on to find common language uses of the word eg skew. The final sentence is "Generations to come may, I suspect, refer to the late spring of 2009 as a leptokurtic moment.
5.15am start (!!!) to catch ferry - back to the bad old days of early starts on the boat in the Greek islands.
It is a slightly smaller ferry than first crossing. Whereas that was a crossing from North Wales to Dublin this is from Rosslare (southeast of Wexford) to Pembroke, Milford Haven Harbour, South Wales. It also took slightly longer - 4 hours. Once again a millpond.
On board I bought a 4 part dvd of the Irish Famine.
We drive across South Wales and end up in Cardiff (Caerdydd). We have ONE hour in Cardiff which is a joke and many are unhappy - especially when out nice hotel is MILES out of Cardiff. So one hour is it for Cardiff. Thanks for coming.
Hotel is Copthorne Hotel Cardiff, room 221. Very nice hotel and we had a lovely view over a small lake/large pond. I asked reception where we were and they said St Fagans/Culverhouse Cross - I will track this down when I return. 39th bed.
We have the best optional meal out of the trip. Other places could learn a thing or two from this old pub (1380!!!!!! - think about that). Thatched roof. It is the Blue Anchor Inn in East Aberthaw, Vale of Glamorgan. I have a pint of the local beer (as usual). It is called "Brains" - does it give you some or take them away?
From the Guardian
A quarter page article discusses the word leptokurtic. Excerpts:
"It reminded me of the first time I heard the word heteroscedasticity"
"The word leptokurtic commands some 40,000 references on Google - against a mere 1,900 for its cousin platykurtic and a paltry 547 for mesokurtic."
The article then goes on to find common language uses of the word eg skew. The final sentence is "Generations to come may, I suspect, refer to the late spring of 2009 as a leptokurtic moment.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday 24 June
Wednesday 24 June
Week 10! 2½ weeks to go. Beautiful sunny day – the weather in Ireland is smiling on us unlike Scotland.
Today is Tina’s birthday!! What to get her? I decided that as she was having her birthday in Ireland (Eire/Republic of Ireland) I would get her something Irish. But after a while that seemed somewhat obvious. Instead I have bought her something from each of the 4 “countries”. Don’t start sending me messages, I know that there really are only two.
Buying things has been difficult as we are together virtually all the time. I have had others running interference to distract her or I have been telling little white lies to get away from her.
The first gift is from Scotland and it is a necklace with the thistle as a hologram. But what I like about it is that it looks clear but when it moves it is blue – the same blue as her engagement ring. Bought it at great speed whilst she was in a loo.
From England comes a Beatrix Potter spoon of her favourite character, Jemima Puddleduck. This required subterfuge and hope. As I said many days back when we were in the Lake District Tina visited The World Of Beatrix Potter but this held no interest for me. But I followed her up the street, 5 minutes behind and snuck into the shop whilst she was in the exhibition. My only concern was that she would buy the same thing but I was confident as she doesn’t buy spoons. I was right.
We only had an hour in Wales and she stuck to me like glue. It wasn’t looking good until the last shop before the bus and she left me to get on it as we were running late. I bought a silver brooch with the Welsh dragon.
From Ireland she now has a pair of clear earrings each with a clover/shamrock in it and 3 brooches – two of harps and one of a shamrock. These were two separate purchases. Again, she stuck like glue and for the first I got a woman on the tour to drag her out of the shop pretending she couldn’t find the bus and needed Tina’s help. The second one was trickier. We were both is the same shop and Tina is buying gifts on one till whilst I am hiding behind a rack of clothing whispering instructions to the sales woman at a second till.
Tina seems happy – jewellery always does it.
First stop today is Blarney for the castle and kissing the stone. Steep climb up narrow and winding steps; filled with people. Crowding is good as it meant the climb was slow and didn’t hurt my achilles. Eventually you pop out at the top, make your way to the stone, lie down on your back with your top half hanging over nothing, grasp 2 rails, tilt head back and kiss the rock! There is a man helping/holding you and we have the photos to prove how silly we were. Tina talks enough now so why she wants to talk even more is frankly beyond me!
In the huge shop there I bought a lovely shirt – strange fabric and no collar. This is the fourth shirt I have purchased on tour and Tina would like you to know I have bought more clothes than she has. Tina also bought me a tie. This is the 15th tie of the trip:
- one of Shakspeare’s plays
- a Che tie and an Einstein tie
- 2 stylish Italian ties
- 2 Paris ties
- a Welsh and Irish emblem tie ie 2 ties in total
- 2 art ties from Louvre
- one with guitars on it
- 2 Beatles ties
- and this latest one with Celtic lettering
so that’s 3 school weeks of new ties. On the first day of term 3 I am wearing a Beatles shirt with my Yellow Submarine tie!
Whilst I was making these purchases there was a cool song playing. I recognised the voice of Steve Earle so found the album and bought it. It was an album by Sharon Shannon who is assisted by other artists. This is the 10th cd I have bought. The other 9 are:
- 5 Scottish pipes including the Red Hot Chilli Pipers
- 2 albums of Scottish songs including a great historical album the tour director played a couple of tracks off on the bus and I was able to find it next stop! To be fair, Tina found it whilst I was stumbling around.
- 2 other albums from Ireland: the Fureys and the Dubliners.
Before I move on I want to get slightly off the topic and say that I have come to the conclusion I like the Irish uilleann pipes more than the Scottish bagpipes. I know I have just upset my A grade bagpiping nephew in Dunedin who is reading this blog but after listening to shows in Scotland and then moving to Ireland I find the Irish pipes more melodic. Sorry Liam. But I admit the Scottish bagpipes are more dramatic and stirring going into battle.
Then it’s on to Cork for a brief drive around retelling its history; through pretty Youghal by the sea and we end up in our destination, Waterford. The crystal factory for which it is famous has gone bankrupt but the crystal museum is open. Tina is in Heaven.
The hotel is Dooley’s – on the waterfront of the River Suir. We are on the 3rd floor, room 34 and it’s my 38th bed. Big room.
Tina joined in the optional walking tour of Waterford whilst I preserved the ankles. Both are constantly sore but are not getting worse. I am hoping that I will need surgery when I return and this will mean having term 3 off to organise the photos!!! Or I could get swine flu!!! Tina returned from the tour very happy - but that might have been the local beer she had at the end of the tour.
Another woman on the tour also has a birthday today and they get a big shared birthday cake and a small food pressie for each.
Here are a couple of stories that caught my eye from today’s Irish Independent newspaper
1. Holiday makers returning to Newcastle from sunny Mallorca refused to fly on their plane after they were told to leave their assigned seats and move to the back of the plane. A jammed door to the hold meant their luggage was loaded at the front and they were told to sit at the back to balance the plane!
2. Four German pensioners have been arrested for kidnapping and torturing a financial adviser who lost over €2million of their savings. “Two of them (aged 74 and 60) hit him with a Zimmer frame” and driven 300 miles. He was tortured until he finally agreed to pay them back by selling some securities he had in Switzerland. They agreed to let him send a fax to the Swiss bank but he scribbled a plea for help on it and, after 5 days, armed commandos stormed the house. I see a great movie script in this story!
Week 10! 2½ weeks to go. Beautiful sunny day – the weather in Ireland is smiling on us unlike Scotland.
Today is Tina’s birthday!! What to get her? I decided that as she was having her birthday in Ireland (Eire/Republic of Ireland) I would get her something Irish. But after a while that seemed somewhat obvious. Instead I have bought her something from each of the 4 “countries”. Don’t start sending me messages, I know that there really are only two.
Buying things has been difficult as we are together virtually all the time. I have had others running interference to distract her or I have been telling little white lies to get away from her.
The first gift is from Scotland and it is a necklace with the thistle as a hologram. But what I like about it is that it looks clear but when it moves it is blue – the same blue as her engagement ring. Bought it at great speed whilst she was in a loo.
From England comes a Beatrix Potter spoon of her favourite character, Jemima Puddleduck. This required subterfuge and hope. As I said many days back when we were in the Lake District Tina visited The World Of Beatrix Potter but this held no interest for me. But I followed her up the street, 5 minutes behind and snuck into the shop whilst she was in the exhibition. My only concern was that she would buy the same thing but I was confident as she doesn’t buy spoons. I was right.
We only had an hour in Wales and she stuck to me like glue. It wasn’t looking good until the last shop before the bus and she left me to get on it as we were running late. I bought a silver brooch with the Welsh dragon.
From Ireland she now has a pair of clear earrings each with a clover/shamrock in it and 3 brooches – two of harps and one of a shamrock. These were two separate purchases. Again, she stuck like glue and for the first I got a woman on the tour to drag her out of the shop pretending she couldn’t find the bus and needed Tina’s help. The second one was trickier. We were both is the same shop and Tina is buying gifts on one till whilst I am hiding behind a rack of clothing whispering instructions to the sales woman at a second till.
Tina seems happy – jewellery always does it.
First stop today is Blarney for the castle and kissing the stone. Steep climb up narrow and winding steps; filled with people. Crowding is good as it meant the climb was slow and didn’t hurt my achilles. Eventually you pop out at the top, make your way to the stone, lie down on your back with your top half hanging over nothing, grasp 2 rails, tilt head back and kiss the rock! There is a man helping/holding you and we have the photos to prove how silly we were. Tina talks enough now so why she wants to talk even more is frankly beyond me!
In the huge shop there I bought a lovely shirt – strange fabric and no collar. This is the fourth shirt I have purchased on tour and Tina would like you to know I have bought more clothes than she has. Tina also bought me a tie. This is the 15th tie of the trip:
- one of Shakspeare’s plays
- a Che tie and an Einstein tie
- 2 stylish Italian ties
- 2 Paris ties
- a Welsh and Irish emblem tie ie 2 ties in total
- 2 art ties from Louvre
- one with guitars on it
- 2 Beatles ties
- and this latest one with Celtic lettering
so that’s 3 school weeks of new ties. On the first day of term 3 I am wearing a Beatles shirt with my Yellow Submarine tie!
Whilst I was making these purchases there was a cool song playing. I recognised the voice of Steve Earle so found the album and bought it. It was an album by Sharon Shannon who is assisted by other artists. This is the 10th cd I have bought. The other 9 are:
- 5 Scottish pipes including the Red Hot Chilli Pipers
- 2 albums of Scottish songs including a great historical album the tour director played a couple of tracks off on the bus and I was able to find it next stop! To be fair, Tina found it whilst I was stumbling around.
- 2 other albums from Ireland: the Fureys and the Dubliners.
Before I move on I want to get slightly off the topic and say that I have come to the conclusion I like the Irish uilleann pipes more than the Scottish bagpipes. I know I have just upset my A grade bagpiping nephew in Dunedin who is reading this blog but after listening to shows in Scotland and then moving to Ireland I find the Irish pipes more melodic. Sorry Liam. But I admit the Scottish bagpipes are more dramatic and stirring going into battle.
Then it’s on to Cork for a brief drive around retelling its history; through pretty Youghal by the sea and we end up in our destination, Waterford. The crystal factory for which it is famous has gone bankrupt but the crystal museum is open. Tina is in Heaven.
The hotel is Dooley’s – on the waterfront of the River Suir. We are on the 3rd floor, room 34 and it’s my 38th bed. Big room.
Tina joined in the optional walking tour of Waterford whilst I preserved the ankles. Both are constantly sore but are not getting worse. I am hoping that I will need surgery when I return and this will mean having term 3 off to organise the photos!!! Or I could get swine flu!!! Tina returned from the tour very happy - but that might have been the local beer she had at the end of the tour.
Another woman on the tour also has a birthday today and they get a big shared birthday cake and a small food pressie for each.
Here are a couple of stories that caught my eye from today’s Irish Independent newspaper
1. Holiday makers returning to Newcastle from sunny Mallorca refused to fly on their plane after they were told to leave their assigned seats and move to the back of the plane. A jammed door to the hold meant their luggage was loaded at the front and they were told to sit at the back to balance the plane!
2. Four German pensioners have been arrested for kidnapping and torturing a financial adviser who lost over €2million of their savings. “Two of them (aged 74 and 60) hit him with a Zimmer frame” and driven 300 miles. He was tortured until he finally agreed to pay them back by selling some securities he had in Switzerland. They agreed to let him send a fax to the Swiss bank but he scribbled a plea for help on it and, after 5 days, armed commandos stormed the house. I see a great movie script in this story!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday 23 June
Brilliant sunshine all day.
Tina gets laundry done! Finally!! Eight shirts for me etc.
This morning we go on the Ring of Kerry; anticlockwise around the Iveragh Peninsular. We see peat bogs, bog cotton and bog ponies; Dingle Bay, Daniel O’Connell’s birthplace and Valentia weather station (important as it reads oncoming weather for the British Isles). There is a break at Waterville (Ballinskelligs Bay) and photo stops of sea and lakes. Lovely scenery. It was supposed to take all day but we were happy with the morning.
Lunch and a short rest then a jaunting ride with a jarvey ie a horse and cart ride with a driver.
Tina then goes for a haircut. She has not been happy with her $NZ140 Paris cut!!!
Nice relaxing day in lovely sunshine.
Tina gets laundry done! Finally!! Eight shirts for me etc.
This morning we go on the Ring of Kerry; anticlockwise around the Iveragh Peninsular. We see peat bogs, bog cotton and bog ponies; Dingle Bay, Daniel O’Connell’s birthplace and Valentia weather station (important as it reads oncoming weather for the British Isles). There is a break at Waterville (Ballinskelligs Bay) and photo stops of sea and lakes. Lovely scenery. It was supposed to take all day but we were happy with the morning.
Lunch and a short rest then a jaunting ride with a jarvey ie a horse and cart ride with a driver.
Tina then goes for a haircut. She has not been happy with her $NZ140 Paris cut!!!
Nice relaxing day in lovely sunshine.
Monday 22 June
Lovely warm day!!!
We leave Dublin, heading southwest for the west coast. We drive through Curragh, site of the 1914 mutiny. First stop is the Irish National Stud. An impressive place and tour. We see young mothers with foals and the stallions. Top stallion is Invincible Spirit who will set you back €60,000 for 2 minutes “work”!!! But the horse that I felt sorry for was Thomas T’ Teaser. There is no way the humans can know if a mare is in heat so the mares are brought to Thomas T’ Teaser. He is in a stall; the mare is outside. Seeing a mare Thomas T’ Teaser gets interested. If the mare is in heat she will react in a certain way. If she reacts in this certain way she is whisked to do the business with a paying stallion. But think of poor old Thomas T’ Teaser. The frustration!!!
One of the amusing things in every school I have been in is to see how litter bugs the admin team. At the Irish National Stud they have signs reading “Beauty dies where litter lies”. Suggest tis phrase to your admin people and you'll be in their good books. Things like this amuse them.
Last at the Irish National Stud was the Japanese Gardens. We would have like longer in them as they were impressive. Very peaceful and beautiful.
I buy an Irish tie!
Lunch is at Cashel and we see the impressive Rock of Cashel.
The afternoon is a long drive down to Killarney. We have a group photo overlooking the lakes and go to Killarney Avenue Hotel (room 208) – 37th bed. Impressive hotel.
We go to the optional meal at Bleachfields in Milltown. It is an Irish night and Tina enjoyed it more than the last night as it as low key, locals loving their music and dance. On the way the tour director plays a cd from another Irish comedian. Here are a few I wrote down.
Murphy goes to his priest to confess. In the confession box he tells the priest about what happened during World War II.
“Father, a young woman was placed in our house and with the loss of electricity and blackouts it was very dark and I went into the wrong room. It was her room and by mistake I got into her bed and one thing led to another.”
“It is alright my son. You have confessed and you are forgiven.” Said the priest.
“Oh thank you Father. Just one more question; when do you think I should tell her the war is over?”
Patrick has died and his widow goes into the newspaper to put in a death notice. She is told it is a pound per word.
“Oh dear, that’s expensive,” she says. “Let’s make it ‘Patrick dead’. Yes, that’s two pounds.”
“No mam” says the man behind the counter. “There is a a five word minimum. Five pounds.”
“OK make it ‘Patrick dead. Volkswagen for sale’”
“It’s been a terrible day. I got up this morning and a button came off my shirt. Then my trousers split when I was putting them on. Then a shoe lace broke. I was afraid to go to the bathroom.”
Fergus was in an old people’s home. It was his birthday and his family organised a kiss-o-gram for him. She turned up in his room and had a lovely pair of … brown eyes. Fergus asked her “Who are you and why are you here?”
“I can give you super sex” she replied.
Fergus said “If it’s ok with you I’ll have the soup.”
Paddy dies and went to Heaven. He met St Peter who asked him to look after the gates to Heaven for a few minutes. St Peter told him “All a person has to do to get into Heaven is to spell the word ‘love’. L-O-V-E – that’s all.”
Paddy is sitting there when along comes his wife who has just died. She asks Paddy if she can come into Heaven. “Sure you can luv. All you need to do is spell one word – Czechoslovakia”
We leave Dublin, heading southwest for the west coast. We drive through Curragh, site of the 1914 mutiny. First stop is the Irish National Stud. An impressive place and tour. We see young mothers with foals and the stallions. Top stallion is Invincible Spirit who will set you back €60,000 for 2 minutes “work”!!! But the horse that I felt sorry for was Thomas T’ Teaser. There is no way the humans can know if a mare is in heat so the mares are brought to Thomas T’ Teaser. He is in a stall; the mare is outside. Seeing a mare Thomas T’ Teaser gets interested. If the mare is in heat she will react in a certain way. If she reacts in this certain way she is whisked to do the business with a paying stallion. But think of poor old Thomas T’ Teaser. The frustration!!!
One of the amusing things in every school I have been in is to see how litter bugs the admin team. At the Irish National Stud they have signs reading “Beauty dies where litter lies”. Suggest tis phrase to your admin people and you'll be in their good books. Things like this amuse them.
Last at the Irish National Stud was the Japanese Gardens. We would have like longer in them as they were impressive. Very peaceful and beautiful.
I buy an Irish tie!
Lunch is at Cashel and we see the impressive Rock of Cashel.
The afternoon is a long drive down to Killarney. We have a group photo overlooking the lakes and go to Killarney Avenue Hotel (room 208) – 37th bed. Impressive hotel.
We go to the optional meal at Bleachfields in Milltown. It is an Irish night and Tina enjoyed it more than the last night as it as low key, locals loving their music and dance. On the way the tour director plays a cd from another Irish comedian. Here are a few I wrote down.
Murphy goes to his priest to confess. In the confession box he tells the priest about what happened during World War II.
“Father, a young woman was placed in our house and with the loss of electricity and blackouts it was very dark and I went into the wrong room. It was her room and by mistake I got into her bed and one thing led to another.”
“It is alright my son. You have confessed and you are forgiven.” Said the priest.
“Oh thank you Father. Just one more question; when do you think I should tell her the war is over?”
Patrick has died and his widow goes into the newspaper to put in a death notice. She is told it is a pound per word.
“Oh dear, that’s expensive,” she says. “Let’s make it ‘Patrick dead’. Yes, that’s two pounds.”
“No mam” says the man behind the counter. “There is a a five word minimum. Five pounds.”
“OK make it ‘Patrick dead. Volkswagen for sale’”
“It’s been a terrible day. I got up this morning and a button came off my shirt. Then my trousers split when I was putting them on. Then a shoe lace broke. I was afraid to go to the bathroom.”
Fergus was in an old people’s home. It was his birthday and his family organised a kiss-o-gram for him. She turned up in his room and had a lovely pair of … brown eyes. Fergus asked her “Who are you and why are you here?”
“I can give you super sex” she replied.
Fergus said “If it’s ok with you I’ll have the soup.”
Paddy dies and went to Heaven. He met St Peter who asked him to look after the gates to Heaven for a few minutes. St Peter told him “All a person has to do to get into Heaven is to spell the word ‘love’. L-O-V-E – that’s all.”
Paddy is sitting there when along comes his wife who has just died. She asks Paddy if she can come into Heaven. “Sure you can luv. All you need to do is spell one word – Czechoslovakia”
Sunday 21 June
Overcast, cool but no rain. Warms up in the afternoon.
We start with an optional tour to the ancient monastic site at Glendalogh (Glenn dá loch in Irish). A lovely drive and a peaceful place to visit.
This is followed by a bus tour of Dublin and a guided tour of The Castle (not really a castle). We then have free time. Tina and I go to the Post Office – the hq of the 1916 rebellion. There are still bullet holes in the columns.
Statues to famous people all over. I am particularly impressed by the words on trade union leader Jim Larkin’s statue: “The great appear great because we are on our knees. Rise up.” Hear, hear!
At 3.42pm in Dublin Tina announces “I don’t want any more clothes!” I wonder how long this will last?
Tonight we go to an Irish dinner/cabaret in Taylors Three Rock. Impressive singers, musicians, dancers and comedian (Noel V Ginnity – been with the show over 30 years!). Here are some of his gems.
One liner: When you buy a cured ham do you ever wonder what was wrong with it?
Sean’s young son was asking his dad questions, “Dad, was I with you on your honeymoon?
Sean replies “You went with me, son, but you came home with your mother”
Paddy goes into the grocery store and buys a small can of peas, 2 potatoes, 1 carrot, 4 brussel sprouts and 1 chop. He takes his items to the girl behind the counter. She says “I see you live alone.”
Paddy says “I bet you worked that out because of the small quantities I bought”
“No”, she said “It’s because you’re ugly”
Murphy decides to swim from Dublin to Liverpool return. The Dublin to Liverpool leg takes him 15 hours, 26 minutes and 14 seconds. The Liverpool to Dublin return swim takes him 3 minutes and 26 seconds. His jockstrap was still attached to Dublin pier.
Casey goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor tells him that it’s bad news – Casey only has 2 or 3 months to live.
“Sweet Jesus doc” says Casey, “Is there anywhere I can go, anything I can do, anyone I can see to help me?”
“No” says the doctor, “but you could start taking mud baths.”
“Will that help me?” asks Casey.
“No, but it will get you used to the dirt.”
We start with an optional tour to the ancient monastic site at Glendalogh (Glenn dá loch in Irish). A lovely drive and a peaceful place to visit.
This is followed by a bus tour of Dublin and a guided tour of The Castle (not really a castle). We then have free time. Tina and I go to the Post Office – the hq of the 1916 rebellion. There are still bullet holes in the columns.
Statues to famous people all over. I am particularly impressed by the words on trade union leader Jim Larkin’s statue: “The great appear great because we are on our knees. Rise up.” Hear, hear!
At 3.42pm in Dublin Tina announces “I don’t want any more clothes!” I wonder how long this will last?
Tonight we go to an Irish dinner/cabaret in Taylors Three Rock. Impressive singers, musicians, dancers and comedian (Noel V Ginnity – been with the show over 30 years!). Here are some of his gems.
One liner: When you buy a cured ham do you ever wonder what was wrong with it?
Sean’s young son was asking his dad questions, “Dad, was I with you on your honeymoon?
Sean replies “You went with me, son, but you came home with your mother”
Paddy goes into the grocery store and buys a small can of peas, 2 potatoes, 1 carrot, 4 brussel sprouts and 1 chop. He takes his items to the girl behind the counter. She says “I see you live alone.”
Paddy says “I bet you worked that out because of the small quantities I bought”
“No”, she said “It’s because you’re ugly”
Murphy decides to swim from Dublin to Liverpool return. The Dublin to Liverpool leg takes him 15 hours, 26 minutes and 14 seconds. The Liverpool to Dublin return swim takes him 3 minutes and 26 seconds. His jockstrap was still attached to Dublin pier.
Casey goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor tells him that it’s bad news – Casey only has 2 or 3 months to live.
“Sweet Jesus doc” says Casey, “Is there anywhere I can go, anything I can do, anyone I can see to help me?”
“No” says the doctor, “but you could start taking mud baths.”
“Will that help me?” asks Casey.
“No, but it will get you used to the dirt.”
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Saturday 20 June
Before I start, here are 3 “What links” from today’s Guardian. Answers are at end although I think you will get them all.
1. New Order; Mamas & Papas; Bangles; Boomtown Rats
2. UK; France; Spain; Algeria; Mali; Burkino Faso; Togo; Ghana
3. Waterloo victor; first Indian prime minister; led the charge of the Light Brigade
Three countries today! Breakfast in England, lunch in Wales and dinner in Eire/Republic of Ireland!
Awake and get on bus to more grotty weather but the day gets nicer every minute. Chilly (for summer) but the rain stops and sun breaks through.
Short drive into Chester and a guided walk around the walls. Very interesting although insufficient free time for Tina to explore the cathedral.
Into Wales and lunch stop at Conwy (sic). Lovely little place with a great looking castle but not enough time to both eat lunch and explore it. A bought a bright red dragon Welsh tie!
The Welsh for litter is ysbwriel. Now you know. But how do you pronounce it?
Brief stop to take a photo of the rail sign at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch and then on to Holyhead to catch the Irish Ferry Ulysses to Dublin. Millpond crossing of about 3½ hours on a uncrowded ship and watch the first rugby test between South Africa and the Lions followed by highlights of the 2nd test between the All Blacks and France. Where were McCaw and Carter? And the Caketin looked half empty.
Dinner is at The Old Punchbowl on Dublin Bay where we have a delicious and filling Irish Stew.
End up at The Burlington – flash and popular hotel. Tina really likes our room. Room 723 ie high up. Free internet. Tina does washing but there will be no laundry as tomorrow is Sunday. This is a familiar story.
On the ferry over I bought a Guardian. Here are some gems:
1. Headline: “No one talks nonsense like a historian”. Oh dear.
2. Today is Father’s Day in England. There is an article about the dubious marketing/lack of sensitivity two retail chains have shown in promoting a new book on Josef Fritzl – the guy who imprisoned his daughter for 24 years in his cellar, repeatedly raped her, fathering 7 children. One chain displayed the title as one of its “Top 50 Books for Dad”!!! declaring “Fathers are heroes”!!!!!!! The other chain said the book would be suitable symbol of father-offspring love!
3. Twitter jokes “I’m so shitty with Greek mythology. What was Herpes the god of again?”; “I was in a limbo competition and the music started ‘How low can you go?’ I said I once stole a dialysis machine.”; “My mum only sees the positive in people which ultimately cost her her job as an HIV tester; “I’m a bit thick. I used to think a mongoose was a swan with special needs ... I thought it had eiderdown syndrome”; “I’m 20 hours into my sponsored semaphore marathon; unfortunately I’m starting to flag quite badly”.
Answers to “What links”
1. Mondays – Blue M; M M; Manic M; I Don’t Like M
2. Prime meridian passes through them
3.Items of clothing – Wellington boots; Nehru jacket; cardigan
1. New Order; Mamas & Papas; Bangles; Boomtown Rats
2. UK; France; Spain; Algeria; Mali; Burkino Faso; Togo; Ghana
3. Waterloo victor; first Indian prime minister; led the charge of the Light Brigade
Three countries today! Breakfast in England, lunch in Wales and dinner in Eire/Republic of Ireland!
Awake and get on bus to more grotty weather but the day gets nicer every minute. Chilly (for summer) but the rain stops and sun breaks through.
Short drive into Chester and a guided walk around the walls. Very interesting although insufficient free time for Tina to explore the cathedral.
Into Wales and lunch stop at Conwy (sic). Lovely little place with a great looking castle but not enough time to both eat lunch and explore it. A bought a bright red dragon Welsh tie!
The Welsh for litter is ysbwriel. Now you know. But how do you pronounce it?
Brief stop to take a photo of the rail sign at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch and then on to Holyhead to catch the Irish Ferry Ulysses to Dublin. Millpond crossing of about 3½ hours on a uncrowded ship and watch the first rugby test between South Africa and the Lions followed by highlights of the 2nd test between the All Blacks and France. Where were McCaw and Carter? And the Caketin looked half empty.
Dinner is at The Old Punchbowl on Dublin Bay where we have a delicious and filling Irish Stew.
End up at The Burlington – flash and popular hotel. Tina really likes our room. Room 723 ie high up. Free internet. Tina does washing but there will be no laundry as tomorrow is Sunday. This is a familiar story.
On the ferry over I bought a Guardian. Here are some gems:
1. Headline: “No one talks nonsense like a historian”. Oh dear.
2. Today is Father’s Day in England. There is an article about the dubious marketing/lack of sensitivity two retail chains have shown in promoting a new book on Josef Fritzl – the guy who imprisoned his daughter for 24 years in his cellar, repeatedly raped her, fathering 7 children. One chain displayed the title as one of its “Top 50 Books for Dad”!!! declaring “Fathers are heroes”!!!!!!! The other chain said the book would be suitable symbol of father-offspring love!
3. Twitter jokes “I’m so shitty with Greek mythology. What was Herpes the god of again?”; “I was in a limbo competition and the music started ‘How low can you go?’ I said I once stole a dialysis machine.”; “My mum only sees the positive in people which ultimately cost her her job as an HIV tester; “I’m a bit thick. I used to think a mongoose was a swan with special needs ... I thought it had eiderdown syndrome”; “I’m 20 hours into my sponsored semaphore marathon; unfortunately I’m starting to flag quite badly”.
Answers to “What links”
1. Mondays – Blue M; M M; Manic M; I Don’t Like M
2. Prime meridian passes through them
3.Items of clothing – Wellington boots; Nehru jacket; cardigan
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Friday 19 June
We start the day at Grasmere (sic) - where Wordsworth lived and died. Visit his grave and Tina falls in love with Beatrix Potter shop.
On the way the tour director recites Wordsworth’s “Daffodils” and then this poem, written by his cat. Enjoy.
Cottontails
By William Wordsworth’s Cat
I wandered hungry as a hawk
That floats on high o’er hills and dales
When all at once I stopped to stalk
A clutch of little cottontails.
Beside the lake, among the reeds
Quavering and squealing in the woods.
As featherbrained as the bugs that land
And dally in my dinner bowl
They clung together in a band
Around the bottom of a hole.
A dozen saw I at a glance
Frozen with fear in terror’s trance.
And though they did not dance or play
But simply sat and stared at me
A kitten could not be but gay
In such delicious company.
I ate … and ate … the whole sweet pack
Oh, what a tasty rabbit snack!
And oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood
They flash upon that inward eye
That conjures up a favourite food.
And then into a ball I scrunch
And dream about that bunny lunch.
Evidently there is a book of poems, written by the cats of famous poems. Does anyone have it, know of it? I know two people (Tina and Helen) who would love to read it!
See the smallest house in Britain at Ambleside.
Go to Bowness where Tina powers away to visit The World Of Beatrix Potter - comes back euphoric! I have lunch and the wine list is interesting. It lists French wines (reds and whites). It then lists Italian wines (reds and whites). The last category is “New World” which is NZ, Australia, South Africa, California ad Chile!
We have a cruise on Lake Windermere in the Teal. It stops raining! Still a very cold wind but the views are lovely.
When we land we go on an old steam train ride. Very excellent optional excursion.
Leave Lake District and go down to the outskirts of Warrington to a good hotel (35th bed) in Daresbury Park (room 128) - a business park. Nothing to do but with free internet who cares!
Musing: why are virtually all the waiters/waitresses East European?
On the way the tour director recites Wordsworth’s “Daffodils” and then this poem, written by his cat. Enjoy.
Cottontails
By William Wordsworth’s Cat
I wandered hungry as a hawk
That floats on high o’er hills and dales
When all at once I stopped to stalk
A clutch of little cottontails.
Beside the lake, among the reeds
Quavering and squealing in the woods.
As featherbrained as the bugs that land
And dally in my dinner bowl
They clung together in a band
Around the bottom of a hole.
A dozen saw I at a glance
Frozen with fear in terror’s trance.
And though they did not dance or play
But simply sat and stared at me
A kitten could not be but gay
In such delicious company.
I ate … and ate … the whole sweet pack
Oh, what a tasty rabbit snack!
And oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood
They flash upon that inward eye
That conjures up a favourite food.
And then into a ball I scrunch
And dream about that bunny lunch.
Evidently there is a book of poems, written by the cats of famous poems. Does anyone have it, know of it? I know two people (Tina and Helen) who would love to read it!
See the smallest house in Britain at Ambleside.
Go to Bowness where Tina powers away to visit The World Of Beatrix Potter - comes back euphoric! I have lunch and the wine list is interesting. It lists French wines (reds and whites). It then lists Italian wines (reds and whites). The last category is “New World” which is NZ, Australia, South Africa, California ad Chile!
We have a cruise on Lake Windermere in the Teal. It stops raining! Still a very cold wind but the views are lovely.
When we land we go on an old steam train ride. Very excellent optional excursion.
Leave Lake District and go down to the outskirts of Warrington to a good hotel (35th bed) in Daresbury Park (room 128) - a business park. Nothing to do but with free internet who cares!
Musing: why are virtually all the waiters/waitresses East European?
Thursday 18 June
Very heavy rain and cold. This is meant to be summer!
Porridge for breakfast! Cold and wet with porridge – it must be Scotland!
We have gone the furthest north we will go.
There are stops along the way for photos as we head to west coast eg Laggan Dam and Fort William. We see wild highland moors. In Fort William the litter bins are bilingual. The Gaelic for litter is sgudal.
We go for a cruise on Loch Lomond but the views are spoilt by heavy rain and Scotch mist.
Long drive with sunshine in Moffat.
Back in England and into the Lake District where Tina was conceived!!!
Stop at Windermere Hydro Hotel (room 26). We have a fantastic view down the largest lake in England.
Porridge for breakfast! Cold and wet with porridge – it must be Scotland!
We have gone the furthest north we will go.
There are stops along the way for photos as we head to west coast eg Laggan Dam and Fort William. We see wild highland moors. In Fort William the litter bins are bilingual. The Gaelic for litter is sgudal.
We go for a cruise on Loch Lomond but the views are spoilt by heavy rain and Scotch mist.
Long drive with sunshine in Moffat.
Back in England and into the Lake District where Tina was conceived!!!
Stop at Windermere Hydro Hotel (room 26). We have a fantastic view down the largest lake in England.
Wednesday 17 June
Week 9! Three quarters the way through!!
Heavy rain until late afternoon.
A long driving day today, leaving Edinburgh and head north into the Highlands.
First stop is St Andrews. Visit the old cathedral and Royal St Andrews Golf Course. It is pouring with rain but the golfers are out. No wonder as you have to book a year in advance – and you are only told the day you will play, not the time! A round costs up to £200 on the Old Course and no hackers are allowed; you need a 24 handicap. We have a cup of tea. I roder Cranberry, Raspberry and Elderflower tea. The waiter looks startled and asks me if I really want 3 cups of tea! I patiently explain the menu to him. When he returns with it he say “Here is your multi fruited tea”. My tablemat is the 13th hole of Muirfield Golf Course.
We drive by an RAF (Royal Air Force) base with lots of planes. Next to the base is a small village which has a restaurant with RIF in huge letters – REAL INDIAN FOOD!!!
The Highlands has rougher country with less farmland.
We go through Birnam Gap and into MacBeth country.
Stop at Pitlochry and I have cock-a-leekie soup.
Stop at Edradour Distillery - the smallest in Scotland. Tasting, see the process. First time on trip we didn't buy anything. V heavy rain.
Visit Blair Castle (which isn't a castle now – a Georgian mansion). Also known as Atholl Estate and Blair Atholl. They have the only private army in Europe – awarded to them by Queen Victoria. Huge display of weapons. The current Duke is a South African!
Sunshine!
Highlander Hotel in Newtonmore - an isolated little village in Highlands. By luck we got one of the few nice rooms (208). There are many complaints about the rooms but we stay quiet. They have an 18 year old cat and the owner/manager is known as The Dragon. I found her charming! Haggis was on the menu for dinner and we had a little bit along with the tatties and neeps.
Bed number 33 (one less for Tina).
Heavy rain until late afternoon.
A long driving day today, leaving Edinburgh and head north into the Highlands.
First stop is St Andrews. Visit the old cathedral and Royal St Andrews Golf Course. It is pouring with rain but the golfers are out. No wonder as you have to book a year in advance – and you are only told the day you will play, not the time! A round costs up to £200 on the Old Course and no hackers are allowed; you need a 24 handicap. We have a cup of tea. I roder Cranberry, Raspberry and Elderflower tea. The waiter looks startled and asks me if I really want 3 cups of tea! I patiently explain the menu to him. When he returns with it he say “Here is your multi fruited tea”. My tablemat is the 13th hole of Muirfield Golf Course.
We drive by an RAF (Royal Air Force) base with lots of planes. Next to the base is a small village which has a restaurant with RIF in huge letters – REAL INDIAN FOOD!!!
The Highlands has rougher country with less farmland.
We go through Birnam Gap and into MacBeth country.
Stop at Pitlochry and I have cock-a-leekie soup.
Stop at Edradour Distillery - the smallest in Scotland. Tasting, see the process. First time on trip we didn't buy anything. V heavy rain.
Visit Blair Castle (which isn't a castle now – a Georgian mansion). Also known as Atholl Estate and Blair Atholl. They have the only private army in Europe – awarded to them by Queen Victoria. Huge display of weapons. The current Duke is a South African!
Sunshine!
Highlander Hotel in Newtonmore - an isolated little village in Highlands. By luck we got one of the few nice rooms (208). There are many complaints about the rooms but we stay quiet. They have an 18 year old cat and the owner/manager is known as The Dragon. I found her charming! Haggis was on the menu for dinner and we had a little bit along with the tatties and neeps.
Bed number 33 (one less for Tina).
Tuesday 16 June
We go and see the hotel management because 1. the shower head is broken so water just runs straight down and 2. all night, every second there is a motor going thump, thump, thump, thump …. (2 thumps a second). It turns out we are beside their beer cellar. We are offered a new room, accept and go back to pack. When we ring reception for help to move we are told the room won’t be available until current guests move out and it is cleaned. But we have to go on our day’s activities and Tina has undies hanging up. The hotel offers to move these but TINA SAYS NO!!!! There is no way Tina is going to let that happen! So we stay in our room. The shower is fixed by the time we get back. Interestingly, to fix the shower head the repair man would have had to go into the bath where Tina had her undies hanging!!!!!!!!!
We start with an excellent bus tour of Edinburgh to get orientated (well, some of us do – keep reading) with a great guide and good photo stops. The tour includes Edinburgh Castle and ends at the top of the Castle. We are now free for the rest of the day. Tina leaves with others to go on an optional tour of Britannia. She loved the tour and managed to help ring a fire alarm when two women pressed a button thinking they were ringing for a cup of tea … and then she commits the greatest sin – being late for the bus.
Meanwhile I am exploring Edinburgh Castle in depth.
I then go to the grave of the wee dog, Greyfriars Bobby. Goodness knows how many times I read the story and I have saw the movie as a wee lad.
I then go to The Last Drop pub for lunch. The Last Drop is where criminals were hung (the last drop!). They have haggis on the menu with tatties (potatoes) and neeps (turnips) which I pass on but I do have a hot whisky toddy (cloves, lemon, cinnamon) as it is raining heavily and is cold.
I now make an error. I decide to be nice (that’s the error!) and try to meet up with Tina. There are things I want to do and we have decided to go our separate ways but, to repeat, I am a nice, devoted husband. BIG MISTAKE.
Tina says she is on her way. I wait and wait. An hour goes by (remember I want to do things). More texts. We decide to meet on the George IV bridge. I go there and I wait and wait. Another half hour goes by. Tina cannot find George IV bridge. A local tells me to get a new wife!!!
Finally, contact is made and the plans to see Hollyrood are gone. Walk the Royal Mile, take photos of the area.
We go to the optional dinner. Lovely walk around the gardens. Go to the school that is Hogworts in the Potter movies.
Meal average although desert was very pretty and delicious. Cranachan. Imagine a cup cake but instead of a paper cup the shells is hard chocolate. Inside is a beautiful moose, raspberries and whisky.
We start with an excellent bus tour of Edinburgh to get orientated (well, some of us do – keep reading) with a great guide and good photo stops. The tour includes Edinburgh Castle and ends at the top of the Castle. We are now free for the rest of the day. Tina leaves with others to go on an optional tour of Britannia. She loved the tour and managed to help ring a fire alarm when two women pressed a button thinking they were ringing for a cup of tea … and then she commits the greatest sin – being late for the bus.
Meanwhile I am exploring Edinburgh Castle in depth.
I then go to the grave of the wee dog, Greyfriars Bobby. Goodness knows how many times I read the story and I have saw the movie as a wee lad.
I then go to The Last Drop pub for lunch. The Last Drop is where criminals were hung (the last drop!). They have haggis on the menu with tatties (potatoes) and neeps (turnips) which I pass on but I do have a hot whisky toddy (cloves, lemon, cinnamon) as it is raining heavily and is cold.
I now make an error. I decide to be nice (that’s the error!) and try to meet up with Tina. There are things I want to do and we have decided to go our separate ways but, to repeat, I am a nice, devoted husband. BIG MISTAKE.
Tina says she is on her way. I wait and wait. An hour goes by (remember I want to do things). More texts. We decide to meet on the George IV bridge. I go there and I wait and wait. Another half hour goes by. Tina cannot find George IV bridge. A local tells me to get a new wife!!!
Finally, contact is made and the plans to see Hollyrood are gone. Walk the Royal Mile, take photos of the area.
We go to the optional dinner. Lovely walk around the gardens. Go to the school that is Hogworts in the Potter movies.
Meal average although desert was very pretty and delicious. Cranachan. Imagine a cup cake but instead of a paper cup the shells is hard chocolate. Inside is a beautiful moose, raspberries and whisky.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Monday 15 June
The day starts with rain and then clears before our first stop at Durham where we stroll around and visit the Cathedral. Tina revels in the tomb of Bede and Cuthbert – she read Bede at uni. I buy two more ties.
Drove past The Angel Of The North as we headed north and saw a truck with this message in large letters on its back: “Do You Love Your Bum?” The truck was carrying toilet paper.
A brief stop at Heddon on the Wall to see a section of Hadrian’s Wall.
The road from this place to lunch has the nickname of The Roller Coaster – up, down, up, down … The countryside of Northumberland Moors is beautiful: stone buildings/houses/fences, green, rolling hills and shaggy sheep with black faces (Scottish Black Face). Lovely village names eg Kirkwhelpington, Newbigging.
Lunch was at Otterburn Mill – in a small village. Home cooking – I had a plate of mince with dumpling! As we are eating thunder and lightning strikes along with heavy rain and this stays with us for the rest of the day.
We pass from England into Scotland and I take a photo at Carter Bar in the pouring rain. Some things just have to be.
Pouring with rain so just a quick photo at Jedburgh Abbey and drive past the house Mary Queen of Scots lived in. Tour director organises a quick shop and whisky tasting to get us out of the bus and to a loo. I buy 2 cds of Scottish music! That’s it for my heritage.
On the way into Edinburgh we drive past Dun Law windfarm – nostalgia for Palmie!
We have two nights in The Royal Terrace Hotel in Edinburgh. We draw the short straw and get an underground room – titled a “Patio” room – still looking for the patio. We are on floor -1! Room 014.
We don’t join in the group dinner tonight. Tired and we have done all the Scottish things before. Two items from the menu are interesting:
“Creamed clap shot soup” – I have no idea what this is
“rumbledethumps – the Scottish version of Bubble and Squeak (combination of boiled potatoes and boiled cabbage)”
Drove past The Angel Of The North as we headed north and saw a truck with this message in large letters on its back: “Do You Love Your Bum?” The truck was carrying toilet paper.
A brief stop at Heddon on the Wall to see a section of Hadrian’s Wall.
The road from this place to lunch has the nickname of The Roller Coaster – up, down, up, down … The countryside of Northumberland Moors is beautiful: stone buildings/houses/fences, green, rolling hills and shaggy sheep with black faces (Scottish Black Face). Lovely village names eg Kirkwhelpington, Newbigging.
Lunch was at Otterburn Mill – in a small village. Home cooking – I had a plate of mince with dumpling! As we are eating thunder and lightning strikes along with heavy rain and this stays with us for the rest of the day.
We pass from England into Scotland and I take a photo at Carter Bar in the pouring rain. Some things just have to be.
Pouring with rain so just a quick photo at Jedburgh Abbey and drive past the house Mary Queen of Scots lived in. Tour director organises a quick shop and whisky tasting to get us out of the bus and to a loo. I buy 2 cds of Scottish music! That’s it for my heritage.
On the way into Edinburgh we drive past Dun Law windfarm – nostalgia for Palmie!
We have two nights in The Royal Terrace Hotel in Edinburgh. We draw the short straw and get an underground room – titled a “Patio” room – still looking for the patio. We are on floor -1! Room 014.
We don’t join in the group dinner tonight. Tired and we have done all the Scottish things before. Two items from the menu are interesting:
“Creamed clap shot soup” – I have no idea what this is
“rumbledethumps – the Scottish version of Bubble and Squeak (combination of boiled potatoes and boiled cabbage)”
Monday, June 15, 2009
Sunday 14 June
Tired - Helen sent text at 3am and alarm had to be set for 5.45am as we are back into touring mode - start of 13 day British Isles tour.
Good breakfast.
We all turn up at 7.30am as we were told to but nothing happens. So many different tour groups milling around. Two Insight groups so potential for confusion is high.
Tour director eventually turns up - sometime around 8.20. Hair dripping - was it sweat or just out of the shower??? Full of apologies but no explanation. He does have a dry sense of humour and is knowledgeable.
Leave London. Nervous about whether suitcases are on bus. Drive through lovely scenery. We leave the motorway at Banbury (Banbury Cross). We see thatched roofs as we drive through the Cotswolds.
First stop is Stratford-Upon-Avon. Drive around to get the layout. Park bus and go to birthplace of Shakespeare (as the tour director says “There can be few men who have caused so much misery to so many” Tina shuddered!). Excellent visit and I buy a Bill tie. We go down to the river to see barges on river/canal and statue of Bill.
I see a guy wearing this cool t-shirt: Sex, Drugs and Sausage Rolls.
Drive to York. Lunch at average motorway rest stop. I have a crappy Wimpy burger.
Go to hotel in York (Hotel 53, room 301). Given strict instructions by tour director not to go to rooms or wander away etc etc and then watch in frustration as time slips away as he is doing admin stuff that he should have been done this morning - had he been there to do it. Happy to see suitcases unloaded. Two couples we have dinner with later that evening are just as angry with the tour director and have no confidence in him. Tina predicts disorganisation.
Tour director takes us on a walk of York. Very interesting eg the Shambles and York Cathedral. Free time. We go into York Cathedral and Tina pays to go into it properly. Absolutely stunning is her comment.
When she comes out we have late afternoon tea at the famous Bettys - a traditional tea house where the waitresses wear long black skirts with white blouses (“no short-cuts, no microwaves”; “mobile phone free”). We have their blend of tea and share a Warm Yorkshire Fat Rascal – “a large plump fruity scone made with citrus peel, almonds and cherries; warmed, with butter.”
Good group meal in hotel. Very tired.
Good breakfast.
We all turn up at 7.30am as we were told to but nothing happens. So many different tour groups milling around. Two Insight groups so potential for confusion is high.
Tour director eventually turns up - sometime around 8.20. Hair dripping - was it sweat or just out of the shower??? Full of apologies but no explanation. He does have a dry sense of humour and is knowledgeable.
Leave London. Nervous about whether suitcases are on bus. Drive through lovely scenery. We leave the motorway at Banbury (Banbury Cross). We see thatched roofs as we drive through the Cotswolds.
First stop is Stratford-Upon-Avon. Drive around to get the layout. Park bus and go to birthplace of Shakespeare (as the tour director says “There can be few men who have caused so much misery to so many” Tina shuddered!). Excellent visit and I buy a Bill tie. We go down to the river to see barges on river/canal and statue of Bill.
I see a guy wearing this cool t-shirt: Sex, Drugs and Sausage Rolls.
Drive to York. Lunch at average motorway rest stop. I have a crappy Wimpy burger.
Go to hotel in York (Hotel 53, room 301). Given strict instructions by tour director not to go to rooms or wander away etc etc and then watch in frustration as time slips away as he is doing admin stuff that he should have been done this morning - had he been there to do it. Happy to see suitcases unloaded. Two couples we have dinner with later that evening are just as angry with the tour director and have no confidence in him. Tina predicts disorganisation.
Tour director takes us on a walk of York. Very interesting eg the Shambles and York Cathedral. Free time. We go into York Cathedral and Tina pays to go into it properly. Absolutely stunning is her comment.
When she comes out we have late afternoon tea at the famous Bettys - a traditional tea house where the waitresses wear long black skirts with white blouses (“no short-cuts, no microwaves”; “mobile phone free”). We have their blend of tea and share a Warm Yorkshire Fat Rascal – “a large plump fruity scone made with citrus peel, almonds and cherries; warmed, with butter.”
Good group meal in hotel. Very tired.
Saturday 13 June
We take a taxi from our hotel to the railway station and burst out laughing when we see how close it was – less than a kilometre. It looked longer on the map and the suitcases are heavy. The driver says it we are not the only ones who have done this – he was probably just being kind. The weather is hot which makes the following station announcement odd “This is a safety announcement. Due to today’s wet weather, surfaces may be slippery. Please take extra care.” Go figure.
Train trip from Liverpool to London – a pleasant trip and only a couple of hours although we travelled backwards which was odd. A Virgin train, modern carriage. What was very strange was that our tickets were NEVER checked. We could have saved £130!!!!!!!
Did not like Euston Station - antiquated and not passenger friendly.
Went to hotel (Thistle Marble Arch) - problem with room (2 single beds) so got it changed to room 282. A lovely room but the worst view so far.
Musings on hotel soaps. This hotel's are called White Tea. Yesterdays were Fresh Lettuce. Who thinks this stuff up?
We book a West End show – STOMP. I have always wanted to see it and missed out twice when they were in NZ. Tina feels the same. There were some awesome musicals on eg Priscilla, Phantom, Mamma Mia and Sister Act has just opened to good reviews. Then there is The Mousetrap – it’s been going 57 years so must be doing something right!
Went to Hyde Park - hired deck chairs and relaxed in the shade of a tree. Tina took the long walk to find Princess Di Memorial.
Tina got 3 tops on Oxford St.
Nice meal in hotel.
Death defying taxi trip to STOMP which is at Ambassadors theatre. Tickets £60 each. Get there early and saunter. The area is crowded with theatre goers and it’s fun to stand on a street corner and just look. We both loved the show. It was everything we wanted/expected (dance, rhythm and co-ordination) PLUS it was so funny with great audience interaction and involvement. The stage is a pile of “junk” and items included:
brooms – ordinary household ones
matchboxes – my favourite; amazing what can be done shaking a box of matches whilst drumming/tapping on them at the same time
cigarette lighters with all the lights turned out
newspapers – just turning pages was so rhythmical
kitchen rubbish bin and small brush and pan
a bag of rubbish items eg supermarket plastic bags
rubber hoses of varying lengths and widths
and, of course, their high flying act.
Then a lovely tricycle ride back to the hotel (as we had in Paris) on a mild night.
Two recent news items:
A man comes out of a shop, still getting organised (fumbling with his purchase and change). He drops a £10 note. This is noticed by the police who alert him. He picks it up and thanks them. The police then give him a £50 fine for littering!!!
A convicted woman turns up to do her community service sentence in killer high heals (what did she think she would be doing?). She is turned away on health and safety grounds. She refuses to change shoes and is given an alternative sentence – a curfew. She is in the media claiming to be a victim!
Train trip from Liverpool to London – a pleasant trip and only a couple of hours although we travelled backwards which was odd. A Virgin train, modern carriage. What was very strange was that our tickets were NEVER checked. We could have saved £130!!!!!!!
Did not like Euston Station - antiquated and not passenger friendly.
Went to hotel (Thistle Marble Arch) - problem with room (2 single beds) so got it changed to room 282. A lovely room but the worst view so far.
Musings on hotel soaps. This hotel's are called White Tea. Yesterdays were Fresh Lettuce. Who thinks this stuff up?
We book a West End show – STOMP. I have always wanted to see it and missed out twice when they were in NZ. Tina feels the same. There were some awesome musicals on eg Priscilla, Phantom, Mamma Mia and Sister Act has just opened to good reviews. Then there is The Mousetrap – it’s been going 57 years so must be doing something right!
Went to Hyde Park - hired deck chairs and relaxed in the shade of a tree. Tina took the long walk to find Princess Di Memorial.
Tina got 3 tops on Oxford St.
Nice meal in hotel.
Death defying taxi trip to STOMP which is at Ambassadors theatre. Tickets £60 each. Get there early and saunter. The area is crowded with theatre goers and it’s fun to stand on a street corner and just look. We both loved the show. It was everything we wanted/expected (dance, rhythm and co-ordination) PLUS it was so funny with great audience interaction and involvement. The stage is a pile of “junk” and items included:
brooms – ordinary household ones
matchboxes – my favourite; amazing what can be done shaking a box of matches whilst drumming/tapping on them at the same time
cigarette lighters with all the lights turned out
newspapers – just turning pages was so rhythmical
kitchen rubbish bin and small brush and pan
a bag of rubbish items eg supermarket plastic bags
rubber hoses of varying lengths and widths
and, of course, their high flying act.
Then a lovely tricycle ride back to the hotel (as we had in Paris) on a mild night.
Two recent news items:
A man comes out of a shop, still getting organised (fumbling with his purchase and change). He drops a £10 note. This is noticed by the police who alert him. He picks it up and thanks them. The police then give him a £50 fine for littering!!!
A convicted woman turns up to do her community service sentence in killer high heals (what did she think she would be doing?). She is turned away on health and safety grounds. She refuses to change shoes and is given an alternative sentence – a curfew. She is in the media claiming to be a victim!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Friday 12 June
A busy day!
We leave Uncle Tom's and Aunty Margaret's just before 9am. First stop is the post office where we send an 81/2kg box home for 100pounds!
We cross to Liverpool under the river via the tunnel. First stop is the hotel (Sir Thomas) where we get a park right outside. We drop our luggage off. Decide to leave the car parked and grab a taxi down to the Albert Dock and we quickly do the Maritime Museum and International Slavery Museum. Both excellent but time is tight. Tina bought two placements, one called Tina which says "From the Greek word for annointed. She is a bundle of energy, good fun and can turn her hand to anything. A lady of many talents." The other is Martin and reads "From the Latin meaning warlike. He is a serious person of strong principles and is always faithful in love. A born leader who does not suffer fools."
Saw The Yellow Duckmarine launch itself. This is a vehicle that gives you a road tour around Liverpool and then throws itself into the water to take you around docks. Looks fun but we have no time.
Grab a taxi back to the car, grab a quick bite to eat and drive to Anfield, home of Liverpool Football Club. We park (still unsure if we parked legally but we got away with it) and take the tour as well as looking around the museum. On the tour were two groups who made it difficult. Firstly a group of Spanish young men of doubtful sobriety. They were out for a good time and were noisy at the start. The other interesting group were a large group of Asians who slowed everything down as they took masses of photos everywhere.
Drove the car back to the Hertz depot and on the way to the hotel by taxi we see this odd sculpture. In The Sir Thomas Hotel (room 207) Tina settles in to watch the tennis. I backtrack to find and photograph the sculpture.
On the way I stumble across this amazing building. It is run down, a mess, seems deserted but as I walk past something catches my eye. I watch in amazement as a circular part of the wall and windows comes out from the rest of the building, rotates and returns to the building. Absolutely amazing. I stand transfixed and watch it over and over - I couldn't believe what I had seen. Later I was reading a magazine in the hotel and discovered it was a work of art from the 2008 Liverpool's year as European Capital of Culture. It is by Richard Wilson and is titled "Turning The Place Over" which is a great title. Go to YouTube and put his name and the title of the work as you will see the amazing site I saw. You won't regret it.
And then finally to the Superlambanana - a truly hideous sculpture of a bright yellow sort-of lamb shaped like a banana. Done by a Japanese artist. The photo you see is off the net. I have tried to upload my photos but it has not worked so found this one on line. Maybe mine are too big?
On the way back I see this depressing Victorian building so start snapping away. Keep waling and then see that I am outside a prison!
Tina and I head for Mathew Street - where the Beatles started; home of The Cavern. We go into the Hard Days Night Hotel - invited in by the doorman, the famous pubs (The Grapes), shops (Tina buys a Beatles t-shirt and I buy THREE Beatles shirts). Lots of other photos:John Lennon statue, Wall of Fame, Four Lads Who Shook The World statue, Eleanor Rigby statue. Great fun.
Lastly, across the road for a meal at The Slug And Lettuce. We had seen it earlier as the name seemed so strange for a restaurant. Great looking menu and we decided to start with the Ultimate Slug Platter. Luckily we didn't order anything else as it was huge. Everything (spare ribs, breast chicken, fried veges, onion rungs, garlic bread and yummy dips) was perfectly cooked. We were so full and couldn't eat another thing.
Finally, here is a funny story. Uncle Tom and Aunty Margaret have two books of the experiences of an English and Drama Inspector. Here is one of them. You need to read it with a broad English accent.
A vicar is invited to speak to a class of young children.
"This is a very special time of the year children." he said jovially addressing the infants who stared up at him with open mouths. "Can anyone tell me what it is?"
"Christmas" volunteered a small wiry boy who began waving his hand. "It's Christmas."
"It is indeed" agreed the vicar smiling beatifically. "It's Christmas and a very, very special time of year."
"I'm gerrin a bike," the boy told him.
"I'm gerrin a doll what can wet 'er nappy an' talk," added a girl with a large moon face and hair in untidy bunches.
All the children shouted out what pressies they were hoping to receive from Father Christmas,
"I'm gerrin a remote controlled car."
"I'm gerrin a train set."
"I'm gerrin a ..."
"Children! Children!" explained the vicar, "Christmas is not just about presents. It's really a celebration of a birthday. It's about the birth of a very special baby."
"I know what it were called." said the small wiry boy.
The vicar interlaced his long fingers and smiled, "I'm very glad to hear it."
"It were called Wayne." the child told him.
"Wayne? certainly not. What a thought!" cried the vicar in mock horror.
"It were!" cried the boy, undeterred. "Babby were called Wayne."
"No, it wasn't called Wayne." said the vicar, his jaw tightening and his voice quavering a little. He bit his lip momentarily. The poor man had imagined that speaking to a group of small children about Christmas would be an easy enough task but he was now regretting he had ever agreed to visit the school this morning. "The baby was called Jesus." the vicar told him, slowly and deliberately.
"It were Wayne." persisted the boy.
"Jesus!" snapped the vicar.
"Wayne" repeated the child "I know 'cos we all sang about him in assembly 'A Wayne in a manager, no crib for a bed'"
Thursday 11 June
Tina goes to 2 City Learning Centres – specialist, high tech areas where schools book in and bring students for specialised work/projects.
I start the day with library internet and a read of a quality paper – an hour-and-a-half goes by in relaxed fashion.
Having got confused yesterday I navigate successfully to Woodside Ferry. Both the pamphlet and Uncle Tom had talked about the pay and display parking. No different to NZ and everywhere over here. So imagine my surprise when I drove up to the ferry building and there was this large, open area with no machine, no signs and no markings on the ground. This was a strange as EVERYWHERE there are road markings (mostly saying you cannot park here) and paid parking. I parked in the empty area and wandered in. I went to the café first, had a cuppa and asked the blonde behind the counter. She stared at me as if I was stupid and asked another blonde what a carpark was! Back outside I approached two elderly gents and they were surprised when I asked them – they had never noticed and assumed it was all pay and display. Shows you how conditioned people can become. Finally I went back inside and asked at the ticket counter and, yes, it is free parking … until Monday!!! Great, some parking for free. Very rare. The amazing thing was how empty it was but the two pay and display areas attached to it were full!
I buy my ferry and submarine tickets. Decide to go on the ferry across the Mersey first. Ferry pulls into the dock. We are all standing around … I notice an interesting building (turns out to be for the road tunnel ventilation), take some photos, turn around … and the ferry is gone. A lesson is learnt – the ferry does not muck around!
No worries, I do the submarine first. This is the German submarine U-534 which did not surrender at the end of the war despite orders to do so. It was sunk by depth charges and rumours abounded about a secret mission and what treasure the sub might contain. It was raised in 1993 but no treasure was found (apart from new and rare torpedoes that MIGHT have been going to Japan to continue the war). The submarine ended up in Liverpool and was neglected until 2008 when this brilliant new home was found for it. They have cut it into 4 bits so you can see inside it. Very recommended.
Across the Mersey to Liverpool. As we get off the Gerry and the Pacemakers song “Ferry Cross The Mersey” is played. I immediately hit the Beatles and Liverpool Football Club shop. Buy many things including two cool Beatles ties.
Then a lovely stroll to Albert Dock and The Beatles Story attraction – very detailed with headsets. Well done. I get a taxi back to the ferry but ask the lovely driver to give me a brief tour. He takes me to Mathews St and the Cavern Club and to tomorrow’s hotel so I am orientated. Excellent.
Back at the ferry in the queue there is a man on a bike behind me. He is cycling from John O’ Groats (top of Scotland) to Land’s End (end of England). What amazed me about this is how little he was carrying – 2 small panniers at the back. No pack; nothing else.
On the ferry trip back I sat inside a big pigeon flew in – flying low and slowly. Two crew chased it around whilst the rest of us ducked down as the pigeon dive-bombed us.
Tonight we take Uncle Tom and Aunty Margaret for a meal. We go to The Farmers Arms – another traditional, old style pub. Tina and I have Traditional Scouse with pickled red cabbage. Delicious, cheap and very filling.
I start the day with library internet and a read of a quality paper – an hour-and-a-half goes by in relaxed fashion.
Having got confused yesterday I navigate successfully to Woodside Ferry. Both the pamphlet and Uncle Tom had talked about the pay and display parking. No different to NZ and everywhere over here. So imagine my surprise when I drove up to the ferry building and there was this large, open area with no machine, no signs and no markings on the ground. This was a strange as EVERYWHERE there are road markings (mostly saying you cannot park here) and paid parking. I parked in the empty area and wandered in. I went to the café first, had a cuppa and asked the blonde behind the counter. She stared at me as if I was stupid and asked another blonde what a carpark was! Back outside I approached two elderly gents and they were surprised when I asked them – they had never noticed and assumed it was all pay and display. Shows you how conditioned people can become. Finally I went back inside and asked at the ticket counter and, yes, it is free parking … until Monday!!! Great, some parking for free. Very rare. The amazing thing was how empty it was but the two pay and display areas attached to it were full!
I buy my ferry and submarine tickets. Decide to go on the ferry across the Mersey first. Ferry pulls into the dock. We are all standing around … I notice an interesting building (turns out to be for the road tunnel ventilation), take some photos, turn around … and the ferry is gone. A lesson is learnt – the ferry does not muck around!
No worries, I do the submarine first. This is the German submarine U-534 which did not surrender at the end of the war despite orders to do so. It was sunk by depth charges and rumours abounded about a secret mission and what treasure the sub might contain. It was raised in 1993 but no treasure was found (apart from new and rare torpedoes that MIGHT have been going to Japan to continue the war). The submarine ended up in Liverpool and was neglected until 2008 when this brilliant new home was found for it. They have cut it into 4 bits so you can see inside it. Very recommended.
Across the Mersey to Liverpool. As we get off the Gerry and the Pacemakers song “Ferry Cross The Mersey” is played. I immediately hit the Beatles and Liverpool Football Club shop. Buy many things including two cool Beatles ties.
Then a lovely stroll to Albert Dock and The Beatles Story attraction – very detailed with headsets. Well done. I get a taxi back to the ferry but ask the lovely driver to give me a brief tour. He takes me to Mathews St and the Cavern Club and to tomorrow’s hotel so I am orientated. Excellent.
Back at the ferry in the queue there is a man on a bike behind me. He is cycling from John O’ Groats (top of Scotland) to Land’s End (end of England). What amazed me about this is how little he was carrying – 2 small panniers at the back. No pack; nothing else.
On the ferry trip back I sat inside a big pigeon flew in – flying low and slowly. Two crew chased it around whilst the rest of us ducked down as the pigeon dive-bombed us.
Tonight we take Uncle Tom and Aunty Margaret for a meal. We go to The Farmers Arms – another traditional, old style pub. Tina and I have Traditional Scouse with pickled red cabbage. Delicious, cheap and very filling.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday 10 June
8 weeks gone - 4 weeks to go!
Tina does 2 school visits. I cruise around, get lost trying to find my goal (but I am sorted for tomorrow), watch a game of Crown Bowls, and end up in New Brighton. I look at all the eating places and choose the one filled with locals (they must know what they are doing, right?). I was one of the youngest there. I have The Gammon Special – gammon being a ham steak.
In the evening we have a curry with Ian and Paula.
Today is Prince Philip’s 88th birthday. Here is a statement he made last year, “Tourism is just national prostitution. We don’t need any more tourists. They ruin cities.” That tells us off!
Great pun from local paper. But first, some background. In the Europe elections in the last few days the racist anti-immigration, send-them-all-back-where-they-came-from British National Party got 2 Europe MPs. Now imagine the photo of their leader being splattered with yellow egg yolk. The caption is “… splattered with egg yolk in London yesterday. The BNP only accepts whites.” Excellent writing.
Last week I commented on the great sports writing in the Guardian. Here is another example and, like the last, it is not buried deep in the paper but is from the back page. Here is the first paragraph in full: “Long ago in my variegated journalistic career I came to the conclusion that what I really lacked was an extra layer of intractable prejudice. The trouble was that I could too easily be swayed by the conflicting polemical breezes, so ending up with some sympathy for two starkly contrasting points of view at the same time. It would have made me an impossible juror.”
Now, apart from Jeremy Coney, you don’t get sports writing like this. Here are a few other words/phrases from this erudite writer: “Most of my sporting opinions emanate from the gut rather than the brain”; “I have always looked for and seen the virtues of the opposition as well as those of the team which geographically and emotionally should have made my heart beat faster”; “prejudicial tendencies, even in moderation – and I’m not talking, say, of bigotry – are a necessary component of a free spirit”; “Alas, my mate was quickly eliminated, not helped by my adjectival profusion of praise”; “scintilla”.
The real point of the article is the author’s dislike of fox hunting and finishes, “The … 10th Duke of Beaufort was a hunting man, three times a week … He really did say ‘Hunting is the only thing apart from war which draws the country together’” So there!
And another writer describes NZ’s batting effort against South Africa in a 20/20 as “curiously constipated”.
The last from “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren”:
Religion
- The result of the Reformation was that the people could choose either to be Catholics or pugilists
- The Jews were a proud people, but always had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals
- Zorroastrologism was founded by Zorro. It was a duelist religion.
- The 7th commandment is “Thou shalt not admit adultery”
- One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites
- Solomon had 300 wives and 700 cucumbers
- The Papal Bull was a mad bull kept by the Pope in the Inquisition to trample on Protestants
- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times
- The entire city of Constantinople rose up with a tremendous ejaculation every time the Christian Emperor Constantine came
- The Philistines are people in the Pacific
- Pompeii was destroyed by an overflow of saliva from the Vatican
- Judyism had one big God named Yahoo
- Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings
R-rated
- As he walked through his room he heard the sound of heavy breeding
- When the wedding was over the bridegroom clasped his loved one tight in his arms, while the little organ began to swell and fill the room
- While rowing up river I slumped over the whores in a state of physical exhaustion
- In the Middle Ages people lived in mud huts with rough mating on the floor
- The 19th century was when people stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine
- Merchants appeared and roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organising big fairies in the countryside
- The Mona Lisa was the most beautiful woman ever to be laid on canvas
- A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population
- Gonads are a tribe of wandering desert people
- Roman girls who did not marry could become Vestigal Virgins, a group of women who were dedicated to burning the internal flame
- She lay there semi-naked, semi-conscious and semi-hopeful
- A gelding is a stallion who has his tonsils taken out so he would have more time to himself
- Early Egyptian women often wore a garment called a calasiris. It was a sheer dress which started beneath the breasts which hung to the floor
- Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery
THE END of the book!
Tina does 2 school visits. I cruise around, get lost trying to find my goal (but I am sorted for tomorrow), watch a game of Crown Bowls, and end up in New Brighton. I look at all the eating places and choose the one filled with locals (they must know what they are doing, right?). I was one of the youngest there. I have The Gammon Special – gammon being a ham steak.
In the evening we have a curry with Ian and Paula.
Today is Prince Philip’s 88th birthday. Here is a statement he made last year, “Tourism is just national prostitution. We don’t need any more tourists. They ruin cities.” That tells us off!
Great pun from local paper. But first, some background. In the Europe elections in the last few days the racist anti-immigration, send-them-all-back-where-they-came-from British National Party got 2 Europe MPs. Now imagine the photo of their leader being splattered with yellow egg yolk. The caption is “… splattered with egg yolk in London yesterday. The BNP only accepts whites.” Excellent writing.
Last week I commented on the great sports writing in the Guardian. Here is another example and, like the last, it is not buried deep in the paper but is from the back page. Here is the first paragraph in full: “Long ago in my variegated journalistic career I came to the conclusion that what I really lacked was an extra layer of intractable prejudice. The trouble was that I could too easily be swayed by the conflicting polemical breezes, so ending up with some sympathy for two starkly contrasting points of view at the same time. It would have made me an impossible juror.”
Now, apart from Jeremy Coney, you don’t get sports writing like this. Here are a few other words/phrases from this erudite writer: “Most of my sporting opinions emanate from the gut rather than the brain”; “I have always looked for and seen the virtues of the opposition as well as those of the team which geographically and emotionally should have made my heart beat faster”; “prejudicial tendencies, even in moderation – and I’m not talking, say, of bigotry – are a necessary component of a free spirit”; “Alas, my mate was quickly eliminated, not helped by my adjectival profusion of praise”; “scintilla”.
The real point of the article is the author’s dislike of fox hunting and finishes, “The … 10th Duke of Beaufort was a hunting man, three times a week … He really did say ‘Hunting is the only thing apart from war which draws the country together’” So there!
And another writer describes NZ’s batting effort against South Africa in a 20/20 as “curiously constipated”.
The last from “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren”:
Religion
- The result of the Reformation was that the people could choose either to be Catholics or pugilists
- The Jews were a proud people, but always had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals
- Zorroastrologism was founded by Zorro. It was a duelist religion.
- The 7th commandment is “Thou shalt not admit adultery”
- One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites
- Solomon had 300 wives and 700 cucumbers
- The Papal Bull was a mad bull kept by the Pope in the Inquisition to trample on Protestants
- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times
- The entire city of Constantinople rose up with a tremendous ejaculation every time the Christian Emperor Constantine came
- The Philistines are people in the Pacific
- Pompeii was destroyed by an overflow of saliva from the Vatican
- Judyism had one big God named Yahoo
- Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings
R-rated
- As he walked through his room he heard the sound of heavy breeding
- When the wedding was over the bridegroom clasped his loved one tight in his arms, while the little organ began to swell and fill the room
- While rowing up river I slumped over the whores in a state of physical exhaustion
- In the Middle Ages people lived in mud huts with rough mating on the floor
- The 19th century was when people stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine
- Merchants appeared and roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organising big fairies in the countryside
- The Mona Lisa was the most beautiful woman ever to be laid on canvas
- A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population
- Gonads are a tribe of wandering desert people
- Roman girls who did not marry could become Vestigal Virgins, a group of women who were dedicated to burning the internal flame
- She lay there semi-naked, semi-conscious and semi-hopeful
- A gelding is a stallion who has his tonsils taken out so he would have more time to himself
- Early Egyptian women often wore a garment called a calasiris. It was a sheer dress which started beneath the breasts which hung to the floor
- Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery
THE END of the book!
Tuesday 9 June
Tina goes to a principals (headteachers) meeting for several hours and then visits an old friend of her mother’s.
First paragraph from an educational article in The Times: “Performativity is forcing curriculum deliverers to focus on desired outputs among customers in managed learning environments”. To be fair it was an article rubbishing education jargon.
Tonight’s dinner is Aunt Margaret’s delicious casserole called “DRUNKEN LAMB”!!! NZ lamb too!
Here’s the recipe:
750g shoulder or leg lamb – diced into very small pieces
2 sherry glasses of port
Small garlic and rosemary
Cornflower
1 tablespoon red currant jelly
Toss meat in cornflower and seal it in hot pan with a little oil
Put it in to casserole dish with garlic and rosemary
Add port and enough water to cover
Cook on 190º for 2–2½ hours
Half an hour before finished ddd tablespoon of red currant jelly; mix
If thin add lamb (or chicken) gravy granules
Finish off cooking for ½ hour
Joke off tv: “Where does Napoleon keep his army?”
Answer: “Up his sleevey”
More from “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren”:
Science and Medicine
- Although the patient had never been fatally ill before, he woke up dead
- A circle is a figure with 0 corners and only one side
- A phlegmatic person is one who has chronic bronchitis
- Nuclear activity causes distortions in the jeans of women
- Nets are holes surrounded by pieces of string
- If you cross XY and XX chromosomes, you get XX (female), YY (male) and XY (undecided)
- If teeth are not cleaned plague is the result
- Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they are there
- In biology today we digested a frog
- To germinate is to become a naturalised German
- The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours
- Pine is an example of a carnivorous tree
- Clouds just keep encircling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do
- Methane, a greenhouse gas, comes from the burning of trees and cows
- Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them
Music
- S.O.S. is a musical term meaning “same only softer”
- I know what a sextet is, but I’d rather not say
- When not working in the church, Bach composed pieces on a spinster in his home
- Refrain means don’t do it. A refrain in music is the part you better not try to sing
- Stradivarious is an imaginary prehistoric animal
- John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present
- Handel was half German, half Italian and half English
- When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody
First paragraph from an educational article in The Times: “Performativity is forcing curriculum deliverers to focus on desired outputs among customers in managed learning environments”. To be fair it was an article rubbishing education jargon.
Tonight’s dinner is Aunt Margaret’s delicious casserole called “DRUNKEN LAMB”!!! NZ lamb too!
Here’s the recipe:
750g shoulder or leg lamb – diced into very small pieces
2 sherry glasses of port
Small garlic and rosemary
Cornflower
1 tablespoon red currant jelly
Toss meat in cornflower and seal it in hot pan with a little oil
Put it in to casserole dish with garlic and rosemary
Add port and enough water to cover
Cook on 190º for 2–2½ hours
Half an hour before finished ddd tablespoon of red currant jelly; mix
If thin add lamb (or chicken) gravy granules
Finish off cooking for ½ hour
Joke off tv: “Where does Napoleon keep his army?”
Answer: “Up his sleevey”
More from “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren”:
Science and Medicine
- Although the patient had never been fatally ill before, he woke up dead
- A circle is a figure with 0 corners and only one side
- A phlegmatic person is one who has chronic bronchitis
- Nuclear activity causes distortions in the jeans of women
- Nets are holes surrounded by pieces of string
- If you cross XY and XX chromosomes, you get XX (female), YY (male) and XY (undecided)
- If teeth are not cleaned plague is the result
- Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they are there
- In biology today we digested a frog
- To germinate is to become a naturalised German
- The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours
- Pine is an example of a carnivorous tree
- Clouds just keep encircling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do
- Methane, a greenhouse gas, comes from the burning of trees and cows
- Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them
Music
- S.O.S. is a musical term meaning “same only softer”
- I know what a sextet is, but I’d rather not say
- When not working in the church, Bach composed pieces on a spinster in his home
- Refrain means don’t do it. A refrain in music is the part you better not try to sing
- Stradivarious is an imaginary prehistoric animal
- John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present
- Handel was half German, half Italian and half English
- When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Monday 8 June
Tina does 2 school visits including a senior management meeting that goes to 5.30pm. I relax and get organised. As I am typing this I am watching the movie “Biggles”. I read dozens of Biggles books when I was young. I even remember having to take a broken book to Form 3 art class in 1967 to learn book binding and I took a Biggles omnibus.
Later … I have finished the movie and it was appalling! A travesty on a number of levels!!! It involves time travel so Biggles is in modern times and he sees a helicopter. Being told he can’t fly one he replies, “If you can fly a Sopwith Camel you can fly anything”.
Later, “Don’t worry old chap, think of England”
Believe it or not the helicopter (called a Windmill by Bertie, Algy and Ginger) goes back in time to World War I to attack the German’s secret weapon (a sound machine) that’s going to win the war for them!!!
Get to free internet at local library.
More from “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren”:
Politics
- Karl Marx’s Communist Fiesta was very important
- When Caesar was assassinated, he is reported to have said, “Me too, Brutus!”
- King John ground the people down by heavy taxis
- The USA and USSR became global in power, but Europe remained incontinent
- President Carter faced the Iran Hostess Crisis
- When Gorbachev became top Russian the USSR shifted to a new planet of existance
Animals
- sharks were infecting the area, a one of them was a non-swimmer
- a Mayor is a horse
- Benjamin Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand”
- To keep milk from turning sour keep it in the cow
- Herrings go about in the sea in shawls
- Anthroapologists have proved that when animals were not available the people ate nuts and barrys
- Men are mammals and women are femammals
- The adder is a poisonous snack
- An octogenarian is an animal which has eight young at birth
- The largest mammals are found in the sea because there is nowhere else to put them
Later … I have finished the movie and it was appalling! A travesty on a number of levels!!! It involves time travel so Biggles is in modern times and he sees a helicopter. Being told he can’t fly one he replies, “If you can fly a Sopwith Camel you can fly anything”.
Later, “Don’t worry old chap, think of England”
Believe it or not the helicopter (called a Windmill by Bertie, Algy and Ginger) goes back in time to World War I to attack the German’s secret weapon (a sound machine) that’s going to win the war for them!!!
Get to free internet at local library.
More from “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren”:
Politics
- Karl Marx’s Communist Fiesta was very important
- When Caesar was assassinated, he is reported to have said, “Me too, Brutus!”
- King John ground the people down by heavy taxis
- The USA and USSR became global in power, but Europe remained incontinent
- President Carter faced the Iran Hostess Crisis
- When Gorbachev became top Russian the USSR shifted to a new planet of existance
Animals
- sharks were infecting the area, a one of them was a non-swimmer
- a Mayor is a horse
- Benjamin Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand”
- To keep milk from turning sour keep it in the cow
- Herrings go about in the sea in shawls
- Anthroapologists have proved that when animals were not available the people ate nuts and barrys
- Men are mammals and women are femammals
- The adder is a poisonous snack
- An octogenarian is an animal which has eight young at birth
- The largest mammals are found in the sea because there is nowhere else to put them
Sunday 7 June
Today is warmer and not raining. Washing done and we head off to discover Tina's past.
First stop is the house Tina, Mike and their parents lived in before coming to NZ (Mike was born in the house) – 45 Empress Road. As we approach the house the owners are leaving. We introduce ourselves and they invite us in for a cup of tea and a chat and show us around. They bought the house off Tina’s grandparents on her mother’s side. Lovely people.
Next was Church Street School (now called Egremont) and down to the River Mersey and lunch in the Egremont Ferry Hotel.
On to St Mary’s and the church where Tina’s parents got married and Tina was baptised. It was all locked up so we walked around the outside. Sadly the paths and grounds had been let go. We got back in the car and were setting TomTom when Tina saw a man locking the gates. She ran up to him; he was the Verger and a lovely man. We were invited in and the inside was lovely.
We finished with two grandparents houses and then back “home” to meet another cousin, Gill (Gillian – pronounced Jill), her husband Martin (and he plays chess!!!) and their three children (James, Sally and Sam). They stayed for a meal.
In the evening we go to Gordon Fair; the lovely man who has organised Tina’s week. He has a beautiful home on the coast (the Irish Sea???).
More from “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren”:
Geography
- A consonant is a large piece of land surrounded by water
- A glazier is a man who runs downs mountains
- The general direction of the Alps is straight up
- The population of Sydney is a bit too thick
- Britain has a temporary climate
- In some rocks there are to be found the fossil footprints of fishes
- Coal is decayed vegetarians
- The climate of the island is wet but embracing
- A Native American calls his wife a squaw and his children squawkers
History
- King Arthur lived in the age of Shivery
- Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock
- In the Olympic Games Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits and threw the java
- The Persians outnumbered the Greeks because they had more men
- The wife of a duke is a dukky
- Alexander the Great conquered Persia, Egypt and Japan. Sadly he died with no hairs
- Another Greek myth was Jason and the Golden Fleas
- John of Arc was burnt to a steak
- Queen Elizabeth never married, she had a peaceful reign
- Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence
- Joan of Arc was Noah’s sister
- When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted “hurrah”. Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo
- Medieval people were violent. Murder during this period was nothing. Everybody killed somebody.
- The Turks manicured the pilgrims
- Victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks
- The King wore a scarlet robe trimmed with vermin
- Ivan the Terrible started life as a child, a fact that troubled his later personality
- In the middle of the 18th century all the morons moved to Utah
- The German Emperor’s lower passage was blocked by the English
- The British used mostly Aztec troops to do their fighting at Gallipoli
- In 1937 Lenin revolted Russia after the Germans sent him home in a soiled train
- Clive committed suicide three times and the third time they sent him to India
- Louis XVI was gelatined to death
- The French Revolution was caused by overcharging taxis
- Henry VIII by his own efforts increased the population of England by 40,000
- Hitler’s instrumentality of terror was the Gespacho
- When things didn’t go as planned, Stalin used the peasants as escape goats
First stop is the house Tina, Mike and their parents lived in before coming to NZ (Mike was born in the house) – 45 Empress Road. As we approach the house the owners are leaving. We introduce ourselves and they invite us in for a cup of tea and a chat and show us around. They bought the house off Tina’s grandparents on her mother’s side. Lovely people.
Next was Church Street School (now called Egremont) and down to the River Mersey and lunch in the Egremont Ferry Hotel.
On to St Mary’s and the church where Tina’s parents got married and Tina was baptised. It was all locked up so we walked around the outside. Sadly the paths and grounds had been let go. We got back in the car and were setting TomTom when Tina saw a man locking the gates. She ran up to him; he was the Verger and a lovely man. We were invited in and the inside was lovely.
We finished with two grandparents houses and then back “home” to meet another cousin, Gill (Gillian – pronounced Jill), her husband Martin (and he plays chess!!!) and their three children (James, Sally and Sam). They stayed for a meal.
In the evening we go to Gordon Fair; the lovely man who has organised Tina’s week. He has a beautiful home on the coast (the Irish Sea???).
More from “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren”:
Geography
- A consonant is a large piece of land surrounded by water
- A glazier is a man who runs downs mountains
- The general direction of the Alps is straight up
- The population of Sydney is a bit too thick
- Britain has a temporary climate
- In some rocks there are to be found the fossil footprints of fishes
- Coal is decayed vegetarians
- The climate of the island is wet but embracing
- A Native American calls his wife a squaw and his children squawkers
History
- King Arthur lived in the age of Shivery
- Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock
- In the Olympic Games Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits and threw the java
- The Persians outnumbered the Greeks because they had more men
- The wife of a duke is a dukky
- Alexander the Great conquered Persia, Egypt and Japan. Sadly he died with no hairs
- Another Greek myth was Jason and the Golden Fleas
- John of Arc was burnt to a steak
- Queen Elizabeth never married, she had a peaceful reign
- Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence
- Joan of Arc was Noah’s sister
- When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted “hurrah”. Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo
- Medieval people were violent. Murder during this period was nothing. Everybody killed somebody.
- The Turks manicured the pilgrims
- Victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks
- The King wore a scarlet robe trimmed with vermin
- Ivan the Terrible started life as a child, a fact that troubled his later personality
- In the middle of the 18th century all the morons moved to Utah
- The German Emperor’s lower passage was blocked by the English
- The British used mostly Aztec troops to do their fighting at Gallipoli
- In 1937 Lenin revolted Russia after the Germans sent him home in a soiled train
- Clive committed suicide three times and the third time they sent him to India
- Louis XVI was gelatined to death
- The French Revolution was caused by overcharging taxis
- Henry VIII by his own efforts increased the population of England by 40,000
- Hitler’s instrumentality of terror was the Gespacho
- When things didn’t go as planned, Stalin used the peasants as escape goats
Saturday 6 June
D Day anniversary.
Weather continues to be cold and wet. Excellent breakfast at The Thyme House and a less than two hour drive to the Wirral and Uncle Tom and Aunty Margaret’s house in Pensby. For me this is now the 28th bed (27th for Tina).
The plan was to do washing and head off and discover Tina’s past but it is cold and wet so this is postponed.
Later in the afternoon, cousin Ian and his wife Paula come round and we head off to the Fox and Hounds pub in Barnston Village for a pint of Trappers Hat - a locally produced beer. This pub and a few others I see have the words “Free House” proudly advertised. This means they are not owned by a chain ie they are independent. Small rooms, brasses, foxes heads, been there since 1741.
After tea we go around to their house to meet their daughters, Sheilagh and Rachael.
From “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren” – found at Uncle Tom’s:
School Days
- He closed his eyes in a gesture of despair; he contorted his face, praying for strength and then lifted his leg, aiming towards the horizon
- He was a man of about 35 years of age, looked 20 and was 40
- If he is not checked at the right age he will gradually develop into a vandal and it will not be long before he is a magistrate
- All the crew were taken into custardy
- If a tree falls in the dessert, does it make a sound?
- People were running all over the place, the boys in shorts and the girls in hysterics
- We had a longer holiday than usual this year because the school was closed for altercations
- A hostage is a lady who entertains visitors
- Girls were typically sent to finishing school where the point was to finish them off
- A polygon is a man who has many wives
- The headmaster only caned me on rear occasions
- Our school is ventilated by hot currants
- A school teacher leads a sedimentary life
Books & Words & Stuff
- A fairy tale is something that never happened a long time ago
- She worked herself up into an inarticulate comma
- The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom
- The appendix is a part of a book for which nobody ever found a use
- Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He was Donkey Hote
- Polonius was a mythical sausage
- John Milton wrote “Paradise Lost”. Then his wife died and he wrote “Paradise Regained”
- Homer wrote the Oddity. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name
- Voltaire invented electricity
- Poetry is when every line starts with a capital letter and doesn’t reach the right side of the page
- Lord Byron wrote epics and swam the Hellespont. In between he made love drastically
- In Ibsen’s Ghosts, Oswald dies of congenial syphilis
- Shakespeare lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors
- Letters in sloping type are in hysterics
- Emphasis in reading is putting more distress in one place than another
- An abstract noun is one that cannot be heard, seen, touched or smelt
- In conclusion we may say that Shylock was greedy, malicious and indeed, entirely viscous
Weather continues to be cold and wet. Excellent breakfast at The Thyme House and a less than two hour drive to the Wirral and Uncle Tom and Aunty Margaret’s house in Pensby. For me this is now the 28th bed (27th for Tina).
The plan was to do washing and head off and discover Tina’s past but it is cold and wet so this is postponed.
Later in the afternoon, cousin Ian and his wife Paula come round and we head off to the Fox and Hounds pub in Barnston Village for a pint of Trappers Hat - a locally produced beer. This pub and a few others I see have the words “Free House” proudly advertised. This means they are not owned by a chain ie they are independent. Small rooms, brasses, foxes heads, been there since 1741.
After tea we go around to their house to meet their daughters, Sheilagh and Rachael.
From “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren” – found at Uncle Tom’s:
School Days
- He closed his eyes in a gesture of despair; he contorted his face, praying for strength and then lifted his leg, aiming towards the horizon
- He was a man of about 35 years of age, looked 20 and was 40
- If he is not checked at the right age he will gradually develop into a vandal and it will not be long before he is a magistrate
- All the crew were taken into custardy
- If a tree falls in the dessert, does it make a sound?
- People were running all over the place, the boys in shorts and the girls in hysterics
- We had a longer holiday than usual this year because the school was closed for altercations
- A hostage is a lady who entertains visitors
- Girls were typically sent to finishing school where the point was to finish them off
- A polygon is a man who has many wives
- The headmaster only caned me on rear occasions
- Our school is ventilated by hot currants
- A school teacher leads a sedimentary life
Books & Words & Stuff
- A fairy tale is something that never happened a long time ago
- She worked herself up into an inarticulate comma
- The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom
- The appendix is a part of a book for which nobody ever found a use
- Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He was Donkey Hote
- Polonius was a mythical sausage
- John Milton wrote “Paradise Lost”. Then his wife died and he wrote “Paradise Regained”
- Homer wrote the Oddity. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name
- Voltaire invented electricity
- Poetry is when every line starts with a capital letter and doesn’t reach the right side of the page
- Lord Byron wrote epics and swam the Hellespont. In between he made love drastically
- In Ibsen’s Ghosts, Oswald dies of congenial syphilis
- Shakespeare lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors
- Letters in sloping type are in hysterics
- Emphasis in reading is putting more distress in one place than another
- An abstract noun is one that cannot be heard, seen, touched or smelt
- In conclusion we may say that Shylock was greedy, malicious and indeed, entirely viscous
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Friday 5 June
The day in Cleethorpes starts sunny with a wee nip in the air. We are on the road early as Dave and Kate need to get to work. We head into the Pennines of NE Yorkshire. First stop is the lovely town of Richmond: green fields, stone houses/bridges/fences. On the way I give Tina a truck stop experience: the cheapest cup of tea and coffee, chip butties (Tina spells butty as buttie), bolted seats with every plastic cover worn or ripped.
On south to Harrogate and a nice lunch. Witnessed an ugly in-your-face finger-pointing exchange between a non-white traffic warden giving a ticket to a fat-bellied, shaven head aggressive white guy. Ugly.
Beautiful rural drive among the hills and dry stone fences (ie no cement). Brief look around Keighly (pronounced Keithly). Heavy rain.
We end up at our destination Haworth. Before going to the accommodation we immediately go to the church where the Brontes are buried. Haworth is the home of the Brontes. Tina goes to the Bronte Museum whilst I seek refuge from the cold and heay rain in the 17th century pub, The Kings Arms. I had creamed lentil soup.
We then find our bed and breakfast, The Thyme House. A small room but nicely appointed. They only opened in 2008 and spent a lot of money to get it right. We rest. Very comfortable. The owner recommends Weavers restaurant and books for us. All the food there is home prepared. Tina has a superb, fresh pate. For mains we have home cooked, comfort food as it is still raining heavily and is cold. Tina has Shepherds Pie with Pickled Red Cabbage. I have REAL sausages, very fresh and full of genuine ingredients that can be tasted. I also have creamy mashed potatoes and a thick onion gravy (sort of like a thick onion soup). Shared veges are spring cabbage and mashed carrot and swede. Lovely. Everything well cooked and excellent service. A real home cooked meal on a grotty night.
But the highlight was the table next to us. Three generations. The was grandma and grandpa; a lovely couple and it seemed they were both having a birthday but they end up paying which struck us as odd. The youngest was the grandson Ollie. Throughout the meal the buds of his iPod Touch were in his ears whilst his right hand shuffled through songs. His left hand texted fevourishly on his cell phone. At the end of the meal the grandfather thanked Ollie for attending!!! A thoroughly modern yuff.
Now the parents who permitted this behaviour. Dad seemed very nice - quite and said little. Not that he was given much chance. Blonde Mum was a real piece of goods. She was a Mega Fluffy Bunny! Tina called her a right cow! Here are some of her gems gems:
- "I dropped Ollie off at school this morning and went back to bet for an hour" (lucky her!)
- remember tomorrow is the anniversary if D Day,1944:
a. she asks "What are we celebrating?"
b. she answers her own question with "The Americans liberating France" (hmmm, what about the British, Canadians, Free French etc etc?)
c. and here is the gem, she asks "Were the French happy to see them?" (Nah, the French were loving Nazi rule!)
On south to Harrogate and a nice lunch. Witnessed an ugly in-your-face finger-pointing exchange between a non-white traffic warden giving a ticket to a fat-bellied, shaven head aggressive white guy. Ugly.
Beautiful rural drive among the hills and dry stone fences (ie no cement). Brief look around Keighly (pronounced Keithly). Heavy rain.
We end up at our destination Haworth. Before going to the accommodation we immediately go to the church where the Brontes are buried. Haworth is the home of the Brontes. Tina goes to the Bronte Museum whilst I seek refuge from the cold and heay rain in the 17th century pub, The Kings Arms. I had creamed lentil soup.
We then find our bed and breakfast, The Thyme House. A small room but nicely appointed. They only opened in 2008 and spent a lot of money to get it right. We rest. Very comfortable. The owner recommends Weavers restaurant and books for us. All the food there is home prepared. Tina has a superb, fresh pate. For mains we have home cooked, comfort food as it is still raining heavily and is cold. Tina has Shepherds Pie with Pickled Red Cabbage. I have REAL sausages, very fresh and full of genuine ingredients that can be tasted. I also have creamy mashed potatoes and a thick onion gravy (sort of like a thick onion soup). Shared veges are spring cabbage and mashed carrot and swede. Lovely. Everything well cooked and excellent service. A real home cooked meal on a grotty night.
But the highlight was the table next to us. Three generations. The was grandma and grandpa; a lovely couple and it seemed they were both having a birthday but they end up paying which struck us as odd. The youngest was the grandson Ollie. Throughout the meal the buds of his iPod Touch were in his ears whilst his right hand shuffled through songs. His left hand texted fevourishly on his cell phone. At the end of the meal the grandfather thanked Ollie for attending!!! A thoroughly modern yuff.
Now the parents who permitted this behaviour. Dad seemed very nice - quite and said little. Not that he was given much chance. Blonde Mum was a real piece of goods. She was a Mega Fluffy Bunny! Tina called her a right cow! Here are some of her gems gems:
- "I dropped Ollie off at school this morning and went back to bet for an hour" (lucky her!)
- remember tomorrow is the anniversary if D Day,1944:
a. she asks "What are we celebrating?"
b. she answers her own question with "The Americans liberating France" (hmmm, what about the British, Canadians, Free French etc etc?)
c. and here is the gem, she asks "Were the French happy to see them?" (Nah, the French were loving Nazi rule!)
Friday, June 5, 2009
Thursday 4 June
Tina at work today ie school visits. I had a quiet organising/catch up day. Very peaceful in Cleethorpes – quite relaxing. After working out how to lock the back door I drove back to where we finished our walk last evening, parked and walked a bit further but abandoned this after a short while as it was very cold on my bald head with the wind coming over the North Sea from the north! Tried to line up the two Humber forts in one camera shot but failed by a long way ie I would have had to walk a lot further. I did see the little steam train and a caravan park – big, attractive permanent caravans with decking built around them. When Kate came home she took me (in her Mazda MX5) to the Fitties (a community of what we would call baches [North Island]/cribs [South Island]). Fitties is the local word for the salt marshes on the coast.
Next Kate went to vote (local and European) and the polling booth was very different to our experience. It was a shipping container with a door cut into the side!
Dinner was at the locally famous Steels Corner House where we had haddock, chips and MUSHY PEAS (Tina insisted). It was a huge meal. Dave followed up with a Knickerbocker Glory which came in a tall glass with a long spoon. The layers were cream, ice cream, fruit, jelly, ice cream, fruit, jelly and fruit.
Then on to Willys, a local micro-brewer. Had a lovely beer called One Off, the standard. Speciality beers have names like The Last Resort and The Old Groyne.
Drove down to the pier and over many judder bars/traffic calmers. Kate called them “sleeping policemen”.
Now 26 different beds for me/25 for Tina. Since last report Calais, Ufford Park and Dave and Kate Esmonds (no Ufford Park for Tina).
Two items from today’s Guardian which caught my eye:
1. A trial is going on in Plymouth. It features Wendy, Barry and George. Wendy and Barry get married (ohhh, isn’t this nice; I do like a nice wedding). But the VERY NIGHT of their wedding they have a fight in their flat (not the greatest start to a marriage). Wendy sets fire to some property (always a good conflict resolution strategy). Wendy then flees (and why not; she wouldn’t want to hang around and burn herself, would she?). Wendy goes to the house of “friend” George, where she spends the night (sleeping on the sofa no doubt). Barry goes to George’s house (how did he know?) and Wendy lets Barry in (probably not a great idea). George tries to hit Barry but misses (damn). Barry is one angry camper by this stage (wedding day fight, arson, wife fleeing, wife away for the whole night at George’s house and then George tries to hit him – it’s not been a good last few hours for Barry from Plymouth). Barry punches George “with full force” in the face and then kicks him in the head when he falls. Barry then picks up an oar (I do like a story set by the seaside, don’t you?) and repeatedly hits George until the oar breaks. AT THIS STAGE Wendy gets Barry to stop (why not earlier???). George suffers 38 separate injuries. Barry and Wendy do nothing (now there’s a surprise). George is still alive at this stage but not when his body is discovered 3 days later.
2. On to the sports pages now. There is an article about the role of football (soccer) player liaison officers and how some highly paid footballers have “an absolute inability to do anything for themselves”. Here are some examples:
- an emergency call from a defender asking why his goldfish were swimming in the wrong direction
- a high level investigation when a star player rang and asked why he went to sleep but kept waking up with a wet head. It was discovered he was sleeping with his window open when it rained! And he couldn’t work this out!!!
- a Latvian player had to be rescued from London Underground’s lost property office (should have left him there)
- explaining that electric guitars need to be plugged in
- sawing a player’s new snooker table into a wedge shape so it would fit into his living room (I wonder how many games of snooker were played on that table?)
Lastly, there was a WAG of one player who outlined what she is doing in the global financial crisis. She is now only getting her hair blow-dried twice a week and she is doing her own nails!
Next Kate went to vote (local and European) and the polling booth was very different to our experience. It was a shipping container with a door cut into the side!
Dinner was at the locally famous Steels Corner House where we had haddock, chips and MUSHY PEAS (Tina insisted). It was a huge meal. Dave followed up with a Knickerbocker Glory which came in a tall glass with a long spoon. The layers were cream, ice cream, fruit, jelly, ice cream, fruit, jelly and fruit.
Then on to Willys, a local micro-brewer. Had a lovely beer called One Off, the standard. Speciality beers have names like The Last Resort and The Old Groyne.
Drove down to the pier and over many judder bars/traffic calmers. Kate called them “sleeping policemen”.
Now 26 different beds for me/25 for Tina. Since last report Calais, Ufford Park and Dave and Kate Esmonds (no Ufford Park for Tina).
Two items from today’s Guardian which caught my eye:
1. A trial is going on in Plymouth. It features Wendy, Barry and George. Wendy and Barry get married (ohhh, isn’t this nice; I do like a nice wedding). But the VERY NIGHT of their wedding they have a fight in their flat (not the greatest start to a marriage). Wendy sets fire to some property (always a good conflict resolution strategy). Wendy then flees (and why not; she wouldn’t want to hang around and burn herself, would she?). Wendy goes to the house of “friend” George, where she spends the night (sleeping on the sofa no doubt). Barry goes to George’s house (how did he know?) and Wendy lets Barry in (probably not a great idea). George tries to hit Barry but misses (damn). Barry is one angry camper by this stage (wedding day fight, arson, wife fleeing, wife away for the whole night at George’s house and then George tries to hit him – it’s not been a good last few hours for Barry from Plymouth). Barry punches George “with full force” in the face and then kicks him in the head when he falls. Barry then picks up an oar (I do like a story set by the seaside, don’t you?) and repeatedly hits George until the oar breaks. AT THIS STAGE Wendy gets Barry to stop (why not earlier???). George suffers 38 separate injuries. Barry and Wendy do nothing (now there’s a surprise). George is still alive at this stage but not when his body is discovered 3 days later.
2. On to the sports pages now. There is an article about the role of football (soccer) player liaison officers and how some highly paid footballers have “an absolute inability to do anything for themselves”. Here are some examples:
- an emergency call from a defender asking why his goldfish were swimming in the wrong direction
- a high level investigation when a star player rang and asked why he went to sleep but kept waking up with a wet head. It was discovered he was sleeping with his window open when it rained! And he couldn’t work this out!!!
- a Latvian player had to be rescued from London Underground’s lost property office (should have left him there)
- explaining that electric guitars need to be plugged in
- sawing a player’s new snooker table into a wedge shape so it would fit into his living room (I wonder how many games of snooker were played on that table?)
Lastly, there was a WAG of one player who outlined what she is doing in the global financial crisis. She is now only getting her hair blow-dried twice a week and she is doing her own nails!
Wednesday 3 June
Another beautiful day.
Tina does one school visit and then stays at Dave and Kate’s waiting for me.
I leave Ufford Park in Surry and drive north to Tina. TomTom takes me the quickest route, not the shortest, so I end up driving in the opposite direction for a short while ie going south to go north! . An easy drive with a long stop at a truck drivers restaurant – I was the only one there without a truck. HUGE meals at cheap prices. I just had a bacon buttie and an enormous cup of tea. I just ordered normally – all the truckies added “luv” to their order. I’m so repressed. There was a newspaper on every table. Do my usual thing I started reading from the back (why do I read newspapers and magazines backwards?) so imagine my shock when I got to page 3! A well endowed topless young woman. And I thought the truckies were reading the paper to increase their intellectual level! Just to show you I read the words and didn’t just study the photos here are some excerpts from an article on Big Brother quotes (there were some in the paper I would never think of repeating):
- Do they speak Portuganese in Portugal?
- I hate spiders buy I wonder if I'd be scared of them if they were pink
- If there were less people in here it would be less crowded
- They were trying to use me as an escape goat
- Is there chicken in chick peas?
- How much is 360 degrees?
- I went to the tooilet; I strained too hard and I've given myself a migraine
- Posh and Becks named their baby Brooklyn because he was conceived there. What am I going to call my baby? Jacuzzi?
- WHen you delete a phone number from your phone; where does it go?
- I'm so angry. I'm fuming. I'm fumigating!
I arrived mid afternoon and Tina and Dave were at home (Dave on line marking GCSE exams – very interesting to see how it was done). Tina grabs my dirty washing, I have a guided tour and we organise a place to stay on Friday night. Kate gets home and after an excellent meal (little Yorkshire puds this time) and watching Coro Street (they are a year ahead – just think how much Tina can mess with people’s minds when she gets back home!) we go for a walk to 0º longitude (the Prime Meridian). We walk through a nice park with miniature railway tracks and alongside a wetland/salt marsh until we arrive at the boundary between east and west. Along the way we pass by small chalets. Cleethorpes is known as a seaside area where holidaymakers come to the beach. These chalets are about half the size of a single garage, have no electricity, are used by people who come for the day, put their food inside while they sit outside. They can cost £8,000! The twilight lasts until late in the evening.
Tina does one school visit and then stays at Dave and Kate’s waiting for me.
I leave Ufford Park in Surry and drive north to Tina. TomTom takes me the quickest route, not the shortest, so I end up driving in the opposite direction for a short while ie going south to go north! . An easy drive with a long stop at a truck drivers restaurant – I was the only one there without a truck. HUGE meals at cheap prices. I just had a bacon buttie and an enormous cup of tea. I just ordered normally – all the truckies added “luv” to their order. I’m so repressed. There was a newspaper on every table. Do my usual thing I started reading from the back (why do I read newspapers and magazines backwards?) so imagine my shock when I got to page 3! A well endowed topless young woman. And I thought the truckies were reading the paper to increase their intellectual level! Just to show you I read the words and didn’t just study the photos here are some excerpts from an article on Big Brother quotes (there were some in the paper I would never think of repeating):
- Do they speak Portuganese in Portugal?
- I hate spiders buy I wonder if I'd be scared of them if they were pink
- If there were less people in here it would be less crowded
- They were trying to use me as an escape goat
- Is there chicken in chick peas?
- How much is 360 degrees?
- I went to the tooilet; I strained too hard and I've given myself a migraine
- Posh and Becks named their baby Brooklyn because he was conceived there. What am I going to call my baby? Jacuzzi?
- WHen you delete a phone number from your phone; where does it go?
- I'm so angry. I'm fuming. I'm fumigating!
I arrived mid afternoon and Tina and Dave were at home (Dave on line marking GCSE exams – very interesting to see how it was done). Tina grabs my dirty washing, I have a guided tour and we organise a place to stay on Friday night. Kate gets home and after an excellent meal (little Yorkshire puds this time) and watching Coro Street (they are a year ahead – just think how much Tina can mess with people’s minds when she gets back home!) we go for a walk to 0º longitude (the Prime Meridian). We walk through a nice park with miniature railway tracks and alongside a wetland/salt marsh until we arrive at the boundary between east and west. Along the way we pass by small chalets. Cleethorpes is known as a seaside area where holidaymakers come to the beach. These chalets are about half the size of a single garage, have no electricity, are used by people who come for the day, put their food inside while they sit outside. They can cost £8,000! The twilight lasts until late in the evening.
Tuesday 2 June
Hottest day of the year.
A nice relaxing start to the day as I am not due at The Abbey until 11.30am (Adam invidulating.
I go into pretty Woodbridge town centre to take photos and post home. After being given directions to the post office I find it is inside a supermarket. I enter the main door behind a tall, unkempt man with a strange backpack. Someone in a tie (I presume the manager) comes up to this man and tells him he is banned. The man asserts his “rights” to go to the post office, arguing he has been banned from the supermarket but not the post office. All of this goes on and on in front of me as we sig and zag around the isles. Finally we arrive at the post office section where there is a queue. The man with a tie instructs the people behind the post office counter that they are not to serve the man. Man with tie rings police. Banned man invites me to go in front of him and I send home a 1.8kg parcel.
I take photos of town centre and meet a charming elderly woman who recommends a restaurant. I then go up to Woodbridge, sign in and take photos of grounds, buildings, WWI monument and startling statues. Adam later tells me they have polarised the school’s community. I can see why. I liked them but I can see that the statue of a heavily pregnant naked woman might not be to everyone’s liking.
Down to the Abbey, photos and another lesson. Lunch was at Woodbridge (senior school) and no Jamie Oliver English school lunches rubbish. Magnificent range of healthy things to make up a salad. I met John Wharam, who started the project. Adam’s lesson in the afternoon was a revelation. It was with his great hope for the future. This lesson involved much higher thinking skills and Ethan’s responses were very sophisticated.
I was on my own for dinner and went to the Riverside restaurant – a recommendation from a local. They show films as well ie you can have your first course, go to the movie and then continue your meal. They had the nicest bread I have ever eaten. I had a stereotype English meal: cold pork pie with very hot English mustard followed by beer battered haddock.
Overheard in the Ufford Park bar, “I don’t like Tia Maria but it’s alright in my hot chocolate”!!!
Tina did two school visits.
News item, but before I write it I would like to make the point that it is not a criticism of wind turbines. In fact, I am in favour of them and do not agree with the protests against them. I just found this funny – nothing else.
“The great Penghu archipelago goat mystery may finally have been solved. After eight turbines were installed … a farmer told the authorities that his livestock began to die for no apparent reason [400 to date] … It now appears that the turbines’ high-volume, late-night spinning … induced terminal insomnia in the goats.”
A nice relaxing start to the day as I am not due at The Abbey until 11.30am (Adam invidulating.
I go into pretty Woodbridge town centre to take photos and post home. After being given directions to the post office I find it is inside a supermarket. I enter the main door behind a tall, unkempt man with a strange backpack. Someone in a tie (I presume the manager) comes up to this man and tells him he is banned. The man asserts his “rights” to go to the post office, arguing he has been banned from the supermarket but not the post office. All of this goes on and on in front of me as we sig and zag around the isles. Finally we arrive at the post office section where there is a queue. The man with a tie instructs the people behind the post office counter that they are not to serve the man. Man with tie rings police. Banned man invites me to go in front of him and I send home a 1.8kg parcel.
I take photos of town centre and meet a charming elderly woman who recommends a restaurant. I then go up to Woodbridge, sign in and take photos of grounds, buildings, WWI monument and startling statues. Adam later tells me they have polarised the school’s community. I can see why. I liked them but I can see that the statue of a heavily pregnant naked woman might not be to everyone’s liking.
Down to the Abbey, photos and another lesson. Lunch was at Woodbridge (senior school) and no Jamie Oliver English school lunches rubbish. Magnificent range of healthy things to make up a salad. I met John Wharam, who started the project. Adam’s lesson in the afternoon was a revelation. It was with his great hope for the future. This lesson involved much higher thinking skills and Ethan’s responses were very sophisticated.
I was on my own for dinner and went to the Riverside restaurant – a recommendation from a local. They show films as well ie you can have your first course, go to the movie and then continue your meal. They had the nicest bread I have ever eaten. I had a stereotype English meal: cold pork pie with very hot English mustard followed by beer battered haddock.
Overheard in the Ufford Park bar, “I don’t like Tia Maria but it’s alright in my hot chocolate”!!!
Tina did two school visits.
News item, but before I write it I would like to make the point that it is not a criticism of wind turbines. In fact, I am in favour of them and do not agree with the protests against them. I just found this funny – nothing else.
“The great Penghu archipelago goat mystery may finally have been solved. After eight turbines were installed … a farmer told the authorities that his livestock began to die for no apparent reason [400 to date] … It now appears that the turbines’ high-volume, late-night spinning … induced terminal insomnia in the goats.”
Monday 1 June
Taxi to the small station for footpassengers to catch the EuroStar. We go through security including an intensive search by a sniffer dog. We have a first class carriage and it is very nice. Food arrives immediately and unexpectedly but, of course, we have just had a big breakfast. The trip is very quick, 1 hour and only about 20 minutes in the tunnel. We arrive at St Pancras International Station. Tina does the important things: get us pounds, get rid of Euros, buy a book for her train trip and go the The Body Shop as she has run out of moisturiser. While she is doing this I sit down next to a group of guys selling SIM cards. He kept calling out “Free Sims”. Where?
We then split. Tina makes her way to Kings Cross station and she has luck as her train leaves within 5 minutes. After one change she arrives in Cleethorpes and is met by Kate.
I go to get a taxi and approach a rank of the classic black London cabs. The woman behind the wheel pulls a face when I say where I want to go. I asked her if I had upset her in some way and she tells me to get in. I guess the trip is too short for her but my cases are heavy, my ankles are sore, I have no idea where I am heading and want to get on the road as quickly as possible.
At the rental place I am given a Mercedes! I set TomTom and getting out of London is a breeze. It puts me on this long, long road which makes driving so easy. There are lots of traffic and traffic lights so it is slow going which is great as I can see what’s coming up next. Very relaxing; one hiccup when I am trapped in the wrong lane and miss a left veer but this is fixed within a minute with a left then a right turn onto the correct street.
Lovely drive to the northeast, into Essex and Suffolk. The roads are good – but not as good as France. Then again, there are no tolls. I have a lovely lunch (antipasto although the menu spelt it antipasti) at The George And Dragon. I am not sure where I was (apart from Essex). The till receipt says Roman Road, Brentwood but when I asked the man behind the bar he said something like “Mount Nessing” but the barman was definite that I was in Essex. They had Fosters on tap!
I arrive at Woodbridge School and get sent to their prep school, The Abbey. I arrive to see 2 lessons and join in the middle school chess club ("Sir, he’s doing too many good moves!” When one boy misbehaves [he hits another boy] Adam removes a piece from the board – a great idea!!!). Unfortunately the senior school is on exams so I will not see them in action.
I go to my hotel, Ufford Park Hotel, Golf and Spa (room 203). This is kindly paid for by the school. I have dinner with Adam at the 17th century coaching Cherry Tree Inn. It has WARM beer (Adnams Bitter) and a huge Beef Yorkshire Pudding. Imagine a dessert bowl shaped pudding whose base is the size of a dinner plate. Inside the “bowl” is meat, whole potatoes, vegetables and gravy. Delicious!
News item:
“Today’s children may need to have it explained to them very slowly: that beige thing roughly the shape of a computer mouse is an egg; put it into a saucepan (like a baseball cap upside down, only metal) with some water, then place on the cooker (that big metal box that isn’t the fridge) and apply heat”. A survey has revealed that 75% of British children so not know how to boil an egg. The students reason for not know how to prepare a meal or help in cooking dinner “was that they were too tired after school, too stressed about homework or too busy watching television or on the internet to be able to help.”
We then split. Tina makes her way to Kings Cross station and she has luck as her train leaves within 5 minutes. After one change she arrives in Cleethorpes and is met by Kate.
I go to get a taxi and approach a rank of the classic black London cabs. The woman behind the wheel pulls a face when I say where I want to go. I asked her if I had upset her in some way and she tells me to get in. I guess the trip is too short for her but my cases are heavy, my ankles are sore, I have no idea where I am heading and want to get on the road as quickly as possible.
At the rental place I am given a Mercedes! I set TomTom and getting out of London is a breeze. It puts me on this long, long road which makes driving so easy. There are lots of traffic and traffic lights so it is slow going which is great as I can see what’s coming up next. Very relaxing; one hiccup when I am trapped in the wrong lane and miss a left veer but this is fixed within a minute with a left then a right turn onto the correct street.
Lovely drive to the northeast, into Essex and Suffolk. The roads are good – but not as good as France. Then again, there are no tolls. I have a lovely lunch (antipasto although the menu spelt it antipasti) at The George And Dragon. I am not sure where I was (apart from Essex). The till receipt says Roman Road, Brentwood but when I asked the man behind the bar he said something like “Mount Nessing” but the barman was definite that I was in Essex. They had Fosters on tap!
I arrive at Woodbridge School and get sent to their prep school, The Abbey. I arrive to see 2 lessons and join in the middle school chess club ("Sir, he’s doing too many good moves!” When one boy misbehaves [he hits another boy] Adam removes a piece from the board – a great idea!!!). Unfortunately the senior school is on exams so I will not see them in action.
I go to my hotel, Ufford Park Hotel, Golf and Spa (room 203). This is kindly paid for by the school. I have dinner with Adam at the 17th century coaching Cherry Tree Inn. It has WARM beer (Adnams Bitter) and a huge Beef Yorkshire Pudding. Imagine a dessert bowl shaped pudding whose base is the size of a dinner plate. Inside the “bowl” is meat, whole potatoes, vegetables and gravy. Delicious!
News item:
“Today’s children may need to have it explained to them very slowly: that beige thing roughly the shape of a computer mouse is an egg; put it into a saucepan (like a baseball cap upside down, only metal) with some water, then place on the cooker (that big metal box that isn’t the fridge) and apply heat”. A survey has revealed that 75% of British children so not know how to boil an egg. The students reason for not know how to prepare a meal or help in cooking dinner “was that they were too tired after school, too stressed about homework or too busy watching television or on the internet to be able to help.”
Monday, June 1, 2009
Sunday 31 May
Apologies for any typos but I do not have much time and am using a French keyboard which is not qwerty - it is azerty! Any strange qs should be as!
Left Ieper and headed back into France. Showed Tina the map of NZ on the pavement in Mesen (or Messines as we call it). Also took a photo of the Irish peace tower - last time I could only see the top.
On to Vimy Ridge (backtracking nearly all the way to Arras). Such an impressive sight approaching from a distance - the last time I was here it was wrapped up in something like gladwrap for restoration.
Next was the mission I set myself - to find the grave of Anthony Wilding. It is in a tiny cemetery (Rue Des Berceaux) in the tiny village of Richebourg. TomTom did not let us down. So now I have seen the graves of 2 NZ sporting heroes who died in WW1 as last trip I visited the grave of Dave Gallaher.
Set course for Calais. Pulled over a few kms away and pulled out the hotel voucher only to discover we are not staying Calais a short distance away in Coquelles. Can`t find the hotel on TomTom so we navigate. Take a wrong turn, famished (it is 3 in the afternoon!) so stop at McDs for a meal and directions.
We settle in and find that our hotel is VERY close to the EuroStar/Channel Tunnel which we are catching in the morning. We start to read the info and think about the next few hours. We decide to get rid of the rental as this will make things easier in the morning. With the help of the friendly man in reception we navigate to the car ferry terminal and a lovely woman working at a ferry counter helps us get rid of the car and rings for a taxi. Everywhere we have gone we have found people to be friendly and helpful (apart from the Versailles guide). So, car gone, expensive (but worth it) taxi trip back to hotel and RELAX!
Left Ieper and headed back into France. Showed Tina the map of NZ on the pavement in Mesen (or Messines as we call it). Also took a photo of the Irish peace tower - last time I could only see the top.
On to Vimy Ridge (backtracking nearly all the way to Arras). Such an impressive sight approaching from a distance - the last time I was here it was wrapped up in something like gladwrap for restoration.
Next was the mission I set myself - to find the grave of Anthony Wilding. It is in a tiny cemetery (Rue Des Berceaux) in the tiny village of Richebourg. TomTom did not let us down. So now I have seen the graves of 2 NZ sporting heroes who died in WW1 as last trip I visited the grave of Dave Gallaher.
Set course for Calais. Pulled over a few kms away and pulled out the hotel voucher only to discover we are not staying Calais a short distance away in Coquelles. Can`t find the hotel on TomTom so we navigate. Take a wrong turn, famished (it is 3 in the afternoon!) so stop at McDs for a meal and directions.
We settle in and find that our hotel is VERY close to the EuroStar/Channel Tunnel which we are catching in the morning. We start to read the info and think about the next few hours. We decide to get rid of the rental as this will make things easier in the morning. With the help of the friendly man in reception we navigate to the car ferry terminal and a lovely woman working at a ferry counter helps us get rid of the car and rings for a taxi. Everywhere we have gone we have found people to be friendly and helpful (apart from the Versailles guide). So, car gone, expensive (but worth it) taxi trip back to hotel and RELAX!
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