Last day - home tomorrow!
Tina has a bad night's sleep - again.
We pack early and put luggage into storage.
We go on a morning city tour with 5 stops:
1. Little India - walking down Clive Street!
2. "Colonial" heart - Supreme Court, Town Hall, Merlion and Singapore River
3. Chinatown including the oldest Hindu temple (Sri Mariamman Temple)
4. a jewellery factory
5. Singapore Botanic Gardens, but especially the National Orchid Garden.
Good tour apart from the jewellery factory.
Lunch is in the mall under our hotel in New York, New York ("start singing the blues"). which has items on the menu such as Freedom Fries and Give Me Liberty sandwiches.
Then it's a taxi out to the airport which has free wifi so I type this.
Later ...
Long wait at airport - another 6 hours.
Flight OK; Tina slept more than on the London to Singapore flight - I slept less. Hard landing which took everyone by surprise.
A few hours at Auckland domestic terminal and am typing these last 5-6 sentences as they have free internet. Coldish (9 degrees C) and raining heavily. We both feel dirty.
Plane delayed but we finally have our hour flight home. Kirsten and Isaac not at airport but rescued by Bruce Kensington. When we arrive at our house there is a surprise - Helen has arrived on Friday night. So we have virtually all the family here - with Marcus to arrive on Sunday (which he does and takes Helen back to Wellington).
We give out our presents but we get unexpected presents in return. Kirsten gives us passport covers whilst Helen has printed out the entire blog and put it into a book. I was going to do this but she has done it for me.
Kirsten has made a magnificent fish pie for dinner. Surprising sight to see Helen sitting on the sofa hand sewing! She is assisting with the costumes for a Wellington play. Who knew she could sew?
Friday, July 10, 2009
Thursday 9 July
Two days to go!
Tina wakes at 11.30 and orders room service.
Light out 1.30am.
Light back on 1.48am as I can't sleep. Read another chapter of my book.
Light out 2.08am! SLEEP
Alarms wakes me (first time in two days that I have heard it) at 7am.
I go on a trip around the island:
1. First stop is Tiger Balm Gardens with the 10 Courts of Hell (Haw Par Villa). The tiger balm owners made their fortune and built a palatial home with strange gardens/statues. Their home was bombed by the Japanese and it was regarded as bad luck to live in it again so they built elsewhere and donated the gardens to the Singapore Government. As they travelled the world they had statues made of things they saw. An interesting collection! The Courts of Hell are the scary punishments awaiting you if you do bad things such as not eating all the food on your plate! Or pay your taxes. All the punishments involve painful death and I wished they were an option when Helen was small and would not eat her mashed spuds!
2. Next is Kranji with its dam, Straits of Johor and 2km to the Malaysian city of Johor Bru (to give it its modern spelling - Johore Bahru is the old spelling I learnt at school) and the invasion beach. The main stop here was the CWGC cemetery which was, as usual, immaculate.
3. Nice lunch at Sembawang Park.
4. Bright Hill Buddhist Temple - huge and outstanding. Every child should be brought here to see how they should lovingly treat their parents! Oh I wish!
5. Last stop, and the main reason I went on this trip was the Changi Prison Museum and replica chapel. Very moving. Got some great quotes for teaching. Had a bad fall and staff and tour guide wanted to call an ambulance but I had been waiting 9 years to see this place (I didn't visit in 2000) so hobbled on.
Saw replica of Johor battery.
Heavy downpour which lasted minutes and cleared up.
Bus going along road and forced to stop behind a car which had just stopped. The driver of the car was being nice because an Iguana was crossing the road. We all sat there. Coming in the opposite direction was a police car and it ran the Iguana over!!! The man in the car was furious. He got out and wrote the police car's number down and he went to help the Iguana which wasn't dead. We moved on.
I SAW A PIECE OF LITTER!!!! It was blowing across the road. No doubt the police will get the piece of paper, look for a name on it or look for fingerprints on it!!!
Tina had a good day. Interestingly the only session she told me about was the last session, "Thinking About Retirement"!!! That's supposed to be my plan!!!
It's cliche time as we go to Raffles Hotel and Tina has a Singapore Sling in the Long Bar. The amazing thing about this place is that on every table and on the bar are huge boxes of peanuts in shells and people just shell them and throw the shell on the floor. The floor is a real mess but certainly adds character. Tina, being well brought up, is reluctant to drop her first shell but once her inhibition is overcome she drops with the best of them.
We then go for dinner in the Long Bar Steakhouse. We sit at our table and Tina does what every woman everywhere does - she places her bag on the floor. No, no, no - a small chair is brought and her bag has its own chair!
Here are some appetizers from the menu:
Tomato Soup flavoured with Gin (!!!)
Live Canadian lobster - $S98 - yes, for an appetizer!
Spring lobster - $S102
Most expensive main is Australian Wagyu grain fed with marbling of 8 Tenderloin 180grams at $S148!
We have Australian Black Angus grain fed marbling 0-2 Rib Eye, 250g at $S60!
The house red is a Cabernet from France!
My entre of shrimps came with eyes and feelers - I got them to take them away and shell them for me.
Total bill = $S305. Hey, it's our last meal.
________________
From today's Singapore paper:
A 37 year old Malaysian man who made headlines 3 years ago when he married a 106 year old woman has been arrested on drugs charges. Madam Wook said that her husband took her money, sold her jewellery and he car without her permission to buy heroin. The anti-drugs agency said they had received complaints from members of the public who say Muhammad beating the elderly woman. Their marriage in 2006 was her 21st and his first. At the time her said it was "God's will" that they got married and "Through her I can deepen my knowledge of religion"
Tina wakes at 11.30 and orders room service.
Light out 1.30am.
Light back on 1.48am as I can't sleep. Read another chapter of my book.
Light out 2.08am! SLEEP
Alarms wakes me (first time in two days that I have heard it) at 7am.
I go on a trip around the island:
1. First stop is Tiger Balm Gardens with the 10 Courts of Hell (Haw Par Villa). The tiger balm owners made their fortune and built a palatial home with strange gardens/statues. Their home was bombed by the Japanese and it was regarded as bad luck to live in it again so they built elsewhere and donated the gardens to the Singapore Government. As they travelled the world they had statues made of things they saw. An interesting collection! The Courts of Hell are the scary punishments awaiting you if you do bad things such as not eating all the food on your plate! Or pay your taxes. All the punishments involve painful death and I wished they were an option when Helen was small and would not eat her mashed spuds!
2. Next is Kranji with its dam, Straits of Johor and 2km to the Malaysian city of Johor Bru (to give it its modern spelling - Johore Bahru is the old spelling I learnt at school) and the invasion beach. The main stop here was the CWGC cemetery which was, as usual, immaculate.
3. Nice lunch at Sembawang Park.
4. Bright Hill Buddhist Temple - huge and outstanding. Every child should be brought here to see how they should lovingly treat their parents! Oh I wish!
5. Last stop, and the main reason I went on this trip was the Changi Prison Museum and replica chapel. Very moving. Got some great quotes for teaching. Had a bad fall and staff and tour guide wanted to call an ambulance but I had been waiting 9 years to see this place (I didn't visit in 2000) so hobbled on.
Saw replica of Johor battery.
Heavy downpour which lasted minutes and cleared up.
Bus going along road and forced to stop behind a car which had just stopped. The driver of the car was being nice because an Iguana was crossing the road. We all sat there. Coming in the opposite direction was a police car and it ran the Iguana over!!! The man in the car was furious. He got out and wrote the police car's number down and he went to help the Iguana which wasn't dead. We moved on.
I SAW A PIECE OF LITTER!!!! It was blowing across the road. No doubt the police will get the piece of paper, look for a name on it or look for fingerprints on it!!!
Tina had a good day. Interestingly the only session she told me about was the last session, "Thinking About Retirement"!!! That's supposed to be my plan!!!
It's cliche time as we go to Raffles Hotel and Tina has a Singapore Sling in the Long Bar. The amazing thing about this place is that on every table and on the bar are huge boxes of peanuts in shells and people just shell them and throw the shell on the floor. The floor is a real mess but certainly adds character. Tina, being well brought up, is reluctant to drop her first shell but once her inhibition is overcome she drops with the best of them.
We then go for dinner in the Long Bar Steakhouse. We sit at our table and Tina does what every woman everywhere does - she places her bag on the floor. No, no, no - a small chair is brought and her bag has its own chair!
Here are some appetizers from the menu:
Tomato Soup flavoured with Gin (!!!)
Live Canadian lobster - $S98 - yes, for an appetizer!
Spring lobster - $S102
Most expensive main is Australian Wagyu grain fed with marbling of 8 Tenderloin 180grams at $S148!
We have Australian Black Angus grain fed marbling 0-2 Rib Eye, 250g at $S60!
The house red is a Cabernet from France!
My entre of shrimps came with eyes and feelers - I got them to take them away and shell them for me.
Total bill = $S305. Hey, it's our last meal.
________________
From today's Singapore paper:
A 37 year old Malaysian man who made headlines 3 years ago when he married a 106 year old woman has been arrested on drugs charges. Madam Wook said that her husband took her money, sold her jewellery and he car without her permission to buy heroin. The anti-drugs agency said they had received complaints from members of the public who say Muhammad beating the elderly woman. Their marriage in 2006 was her 21st and his first. At the time her said it was "God's will" that they got married and "Through her I can deepen my knowledge of religion"
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Wednesday 8 July
Week 12! Three days to go.
We both wake at 3am; at 3.30am I take my book and go sit in the bathroom and read; at 5am I make a cup of tea fro us both; at 5.30am I eat cashew nuts from minibar as I am ravenous. I fall asleep and I guess Tina does to. I finally wake up at 9.45 and she has gone to her conference.
She is so tired she skips the last session.
I go for a “duck” tour – amphibious vehicle that cruises the water and then drives on land. Not as interesting as I hoped it would be.
I then go to Fort Canning in search of the Battle Box. If my new career as a travel writer doesn’t work out then I think I have a future as a wedding photographer. As I was climbing the steep slopes (aching with every step - my taxi driver had no idea where it was so just dumped me at the side of the road) I came upon a wedding party and they asked me to take some shots. So I framed them under an arch making sure I had balance (Martin, the feng shui wedding photographer) and hadn’t cut off any heads or feet. They were happy with the results so I guess I have a future.
Then it’s into the Battle Box which is similar to Churchill’s War Cabinet underground rooms we saw in London. I didn’t visit this in 2000 so was one of my must-dos this year.
Back to the lovely air con of the hotel room. Tina is resting (but awake). We make plans for an expensive meal at Raffles (next door) and, of course, a Singapore Sling. She says she will have a few minutes sleep. This is around 5.30pm. At 10.30pm (!!!) I go and find the only food place open in the mall and have the worst burger of my life (avoid Mos Burgers if you are ever in Singapore). Come back and I am writing this at 11.10pm and there is no sign of life. So that was Wednesday night!
PS she woke up at 11.30pm, did work emails (true professional!) and ordered chicken satay from room service!
__________________________________
Again, from the Guardian, here is an article by Ian Whitwham that all teachers can relate to! It’s about parents’ nights (what we call parent-teacher interviews) and seeing where kids get it from. Enjoy.
Another parents’ meeting rolls around. I’ve been attending them as a pupil, teacher and parent. They’re not easy gigs. I was a pupil at Royal Grammar School in the 50s and parents’ meetings were no fun at all. I was scared. Mother was petrified. She’s left school at 12 and regarded my masters as Old Testament prophets. They sat in rows like crows in robes of academe. We moved along their severe patrician stares. “Tus” Shepherd – geography – gave us 10 seconds of his attention.
“Wigwam? Who? Ah! Yes! Satis! Good on Venezuela.”
“Thank you.”
“Next!”
“Chunk” Jones – French – just raged: “I would rather teach a vegetable!’
Mother thanked him for his deliberations – and had a quiet sob. We tottered off for a few more callous judgments and left punch drunk with insult.
Well, we teachers don’t scare parents any more. They scare us. Their children’s failure is often our fault. “Why is our Nigel underachieving?”
I dare not suggest that it’s because he’s a clot, idler, buffoon – or less than a vegetable. And has bonkers parents. I must be kinder. Out goes start insensitivity; in comes positive empathy. Out goes brute directness; in comes caring waffle.
I’m all for it. I’ve gone more pastoral. I’m less brutal but probably still prone to snap judgments. Here you come – harassed, single, bewildered, desperate, poor, louche, stifling, guilty, divorcing, pushy, sad, mad, smug or maybe seeking asylum. Here come the “helicopter” parents. Or the “stretchers”, spoilers, disowners, bullies. Tories in Gucci and Guardian liberals in Gap. I look at you all and make cartoons of your kids. I try not to but I do.
Most of the time I enjoy parents’ reports meetings. They are necessary and useful and I can be honest. But sometimes I must lie. I’m caught in family conflicts and cannot always be neutral. Especially with Mr and Mrs Mania and their son Dave.
I once taught Mr Mania. Well, I didn’t. He bunked. Just like his son Dave. Dave is a chip off the old block but a bit worse. Dave’s levels are more inferno than curriculum He’s begged me to “big him up”. “My dad, Sir. He’s fucking mad! He’ll kill me!! Tell ‘im I’m good!” He isn’t. Dave has lately traduced most of the received decencies of western civilisation. Still, I do a few euphemisms.
“He has energy.” (So has Satan.)
“He displays initiative” (So does Tony Soprano.)
Mr Mania still thinks I’m too soft, “’it ‘im!” he roars.
Mrs Mania looks like my mum used to. Dave looks at his boots. Then he’s carted down a corridor and walloped. Rather loudly. My fault. I have grassed him up. Poor Dave …
Or Mr and Mrs Tulip – without their daughter Echo. I’ve been dreading this. They sit before me. Daggers drawn. He is pale and wan and has a cancelled face. She is lustrous and molten and looks like Maria Callas. Echo is busy blowing her GCSEs and has been bunking off with an emo musician. I have sent messages home to this effect. Mrs Tulip didn’t get them. She’s been bunking too – with her lover.
“Why have I not been informed!” she screams at her husband at Level 11. He is, apparently, deficient in most areas – spiritually, emotionally and physically. Especially physically. Testicle-shrinking stuff. He offers me a whey-faced smile. I do a men’s group nod. I stare at a pot plant.
“I am a passionate woman!” She is now quite sulphurous. “I need serious attentions.” I seem to have become a branch of Relate (Martin’s comment after looking in Google: Counselling, sex therapy and relationship education supporting couple and family relationships throughout life). I mumble that Echo’s recent essay on Blake’s symbolism displayed considerable insight.
“What do you know! You’re like him! You’re a man! A worm!”
She storms out
Poor Echo …
Or poor Lucy Crumlin and her son Charlie. She brings her baby in a pram. She’s a single mother and has been up since dawn and is bone tired with auxiliary nursing and cleaning and her son. She nearly smiles. She’s desperate. Charlie’s in trouble. Big trouble. He’s running drugs down the Westway (Martin’s comment: look it up in Wikipedia – there’s a bleak photo, description and how the location has been used in modern songs). I gaze at his mock results. Ds and Es. I can’t tell his mother this. Charlie is bright. He must get his GCSEs. He must escape King Hell Mansions (Martin’s comment: more humourous articles can be found by putting this title into Google). He never will. Lucy begs me to help. She begs me for a bit of hope. It is all beyond her. I lie a lot. She knows this. I’ll try to see him for extra lessons. She thanks me. She has tears in her eyes. She leaves. Poor Charlie. Poor Lucy, too.
It can wear you out.
Dave. Echo. Charlie. Snapshots of terror and chaos and dysfunction. But most children survive or succeed against so many odds because of – or despite – their families.
We both wake at 3am; at 3.30am I take my book and go sit in the bathroom and read; at 5am I make a cup of tea fro us both; at 5.30am I eat cashew nuts from minibar as I am ravenous. I fall asleep and I guess Tina does to. I finally wake up at 9.45 and she has gone to her conference.
She is so tired she skips the last session.
I go for a “duck” tour – amphibious vehicle that cruises the water and then drives on land. Not as interesting as I hoped it would be.
I then go to Fort Canning in search of the Battle Box. If my new career as a travel writer doesn’t work out then I think I have a future as a wedding photographer. As I was climbing the steep slopes (aching with every step - my taxi driver had no idea where it was so just dumped me at the side of the road) I came upon a wedding party and they asked me to take some shots. So I framed them under an arch making sure I had balance (Martin, the feng shui wedding photographer) and hadn’t cut off any heads or feet. They were happy with the results so I guess I have a future.
Then it’s into the Battle Box which is similar to Churchill’s War Cabinet underground rooms we saw in London. I didn’t visit this in 2000 so was one of my must-dos this year.
Back to the lovely air con of the hotel room. Tina is resting (but awake). We make plans for an expensive meal at Raffles (next door) and, of course, a Singapore Sling. She says she will have a few minutes sleep. This is around 5.30pm. At 10.30pm (!!!) I go and find the only food place open in the mall and have the worst burger of my life (avoid Mos Burgers if you are ever in Singapore). Come back and I am writing this at 11.10pm and there is no sign of life. So that was Wednesday night!
PS she woke up at 11.30pm, did work emails (true professional!) and ordered chicken satay from room service!
__________________________________
Again, from the Guardian, here is an article by Ian Whitwham that all teachers can relate to! It’s about parents’ nights (what we call parent-teacher interviews) and seeing where kids get it from. Enjoy.
Another parents’ meeting rolls around. I’ve been attending them as a pupil, teacher and parent. They’re not easy gigs. I was a pupil at Royal Grammar School in the 50s and parents’ meetings were no fun at all. I was scared. Mother was petrified. She’s left school at 12 and regarded my masters as Old Testament prophets. They sat in rows like crows in robes of academe. We moved along their severe patrician stares. “Tus” Shepherd – geography – gave us 10 seconds of his attention.
“Wigwam? Who? Ah! Yes! Satis! Good on Venezuela.”
“Thank you.”
“Next!”
“Chunk” Jones – French – just raged: “I would rather teach a vegetable!’
Mother thanked him for his deliberations – and had a quiet sob. We tottered off for a few more callous judgments and left punch drunk with insult.
Well, we teachers don’t scare parents any more. They scare us. Their children’s failure is often our fault. “Why is our Nigel underachieving?”
I dare not suggest that it’s because he’s a clot, idler, buffoon – or less than a vegetable. And has bonkers parents. I must be kinder. Out goes start insensitivity; in comes positive empathy. Out goes brute directness; in comes caring waffle.
I’m all for it. I’ve gone more pastoral. I’m less brutal but probably still prone to snap judgments. Here you come – harassed, single, bewildered, desperate, poor, louche, stifling, guilty, divorcing, pushy, sad, mad, smug or maybe seeking asylum. Here come the “helicopter” parents. Or the “stretchers”, spoilers, disowners, bullies. Tories in Gucci and Guardian liberals in Gap. I look at you all and make cartoons of your kids. I try not to but I do.
Most of the time I enjoy parents’ reports meetings. They are necessary and useful and I can be honest. But sometimes I must lie. I’m caught in family conflicts and cannot always be neutral. Especially with Mr and Mrs Mania and their son Dave.
I once taught Mr Mania. Well, I didn’t. He bunked. Just like his son Dave. Dave is a chip off the old block but a bit worse. Dave’s levels are more inferno than curriculum He’s begged me to “big him up”. “My dad, Sir. He’s fucking mad! He’ll kill me!! Tell ‘im I’m good!” He isn’t. Dave has lately traduced most of the received decencies of western civilisation. Still, I do a few euphemisms.
“He has energy.” (So has Satan.)
“He displays initiative” (So does Tony Soprano.)
Mr Mania still thinks I’m too soft, “’it ‘im!” he roars.
Mrs Mania looks like my mum used to. Dave looks at his boots. Then he’s carted down a corridor and walloped. Rather loudly. My fault. I have grassed him up. Poor Dave …
Or Mr and Mrs Tulip – without their daughter Echo. I’ve been dreading this. They sit before me. Daggers drawn. He is pale and wan and has a cancelled face. She is lustrous and molten and looks like Maria Callas. Echo is busy blowing her GCSEs and has been bunking off with an emo musician. I have sent messages home to this effect. Mrs Tulip didn’t get them. She’s been bunking too – with her lover.
“Why have I not been informed!” she screams at her husband at Level 11. He is, apparently, deficient in most areas – spiritually, emotionally and physically. Especially physically. Testicle-shrinking stuff. He offers me a whey-faced smile. I do a men’s group nod. I stare at a pot plant.
“I am a passionate woman!” She is now quite sulphurous. “I need serious attentions.” I seem to have become a branch of Relate (Martin’s comment after looking in Google: Counselling, sex therapy and relationship education supporting couple and family relationships throughout life). I mumble that Echo’s recent essay on Blake’s symbolism displayed considerable insight.
“What do you know! You’re like him! You’re a man! A worm!”
She storms out
Poor Echo …
Or poor Lucy Crumlin and her son Charlie. She brings her baby in a pram. She’s a single mother and has been up since dawn and is bone tired with auxiliary nursing and cleaning and her son. She nearly smiles. She’s desperate. Charlie’s in trouble. Big trouble. He’s running drugs down the Westway (Martin’s comment: look it up in Wikipedia – there’s a bleak photo, description and how the location has been used in modern songs). I gaze at his mock results. Ds and Es. I can’t tell his mother this. Charlie is bright. He must get his GCSEs. He must escape King Hell Mansions (Martin’s comment: more humourous articles can be found by putting this title into Google). He never will. Lucy begs me to help. She begs me for a bit of hope. It is all beyond her. I lie a lot. She knows this. I’ll try to see him for extra lessons. She thanks me. She has tears in her eyes. She leaves. Poor Charlie. Poor Lucy, too.
It can wear you out.
Dave. Echo. Charlie. Snapshots of terror and chaos and dysfunction. But most children survive or succeed against so many odds because of – or despite – their families.
Tuesday 7 July
Tina wakes to alarm and then falls back to sleep. I didn’t even hear it.
Breakfast on 70th floor – cautious peek out to spectacular view (especially of harbour) and then quickly turn to face the interior walls; back to window.
Tina goes to conference. “Met some people, had a good day, need half an hour’s sleep” is her summary.
I book a round-the-island including Changi Prison tour for Thursday, read, mooch around mall, type and sleep … and sleep some more. When I was last here (2000) I missed doing two historical things with Changi being one of them.
Quick dinner (Subway!) and then go to the excellent Night Safari at Singapore Zoo. Note to Helen, Rachael Hannah’s mum goes on this too. After the tour I have my feet nibbled at for 15 minutes by Doctor Fish. Hundreds come to your feet like a magnet and nibble away the dead skin. It’s like a small vibration feeling except when some go to the middle of your sole; then it’s just ticklish. Tina only lasts the trial 5 minutes – I thought she was made of sterner stuff!
Lastly, I have my photo taken with a small python.
Hot and humid all day – people at the zoo at 10 in the evening were commenting that their hair was dripping wet.
Late night by the time we get back to hotel. But no washing is done (“The novelty has worn off.” Tina).
______________________________________________
Two items from a populist English paper:
1. Sue Williams, an artist from Swansea, has been given a £20,000 National Lottery grant to explore cultural attitudes to female buttocks. Mrs Williams will create plastercast moulds of women’s bottoms. “The project is taking on issues around the bottom.” Sue says. Let’s hear it for the poor blokes who have been making a serious study of the female backside for the past 5,000 years. And all entirely free of charge.
2. Too many hours in the saddle can affect a man’s fertility. If a man cycles 186 miles a week he damages his sperm. I reckon if a man cycles 186 miles a week it damages his marriage. All that silly headgear, fuchsia skintight lycra and pale hairy legs on show. Offices are full of men who cycle into work and have to make the walk of shame to the Gents. Cycling is emasculating our men. No wonder the sperm go on strike.
__________________________________________________
And back to a quality paper.
Is there no end to Twittermania? … But now … a tool to aid the digestion of great literature. Fans of the classics will be delighted or appalled to learn that the New York branch of Penguin books has commissioned a new volume that will put great works through the Twitter mangle. The volume has a working title that will make the nerve ends of purists jangle: Twitterature.
In it, the authors (two 19 year olds) will reduce the jewels of world literature – Dante, Shakespeare, Joyce etc – into 20 tweets or fewer ie 20 sentences each with no more than 140 characters.
The Guardian journalist then helps out by summarising the New Testament in one tweet: Angel gets Mary up duff. Jesus chills for 30 years, gets Messiah complex and is topped. Comes back. Then I saw his face. Now I’m a believer.
Exactly 140 characters!
Breakfast on 70th floor – cautious peek out to spectacular view (especially of harbour) and then quickly turn to face the interior walls; back to window.
Tina goes to conference. “Met some people, had a good day, need half an hour’s sleep” is her summary.
I book a round-the-island including Changi Prison tour for Thursday, read, mooch around mall, type and sleep … and sleep some more. When I was last here (2000) I missed doing two historical things with Changi being one of them.
Quick dinner (Subway!) and then go to the excellent Night Safari at Singapore Zoo. Note to Helen, Rachael Hannah’s mum goes on this too. After the tour I have my feet nibbled at for 15 minutes by Doctor Fish. Hundreds come to your feet like a magnet and nibble away the dead skin. It’s like a small vibration feeling except when some go to the middle of your sole; then it’s just ticklish. Tina only lasts the trial 5 minutes – I thought she was made of sterner stuff!
Lastly, I have my photo taken with a small python.
Hot and humid all day – people at the zoo at 10 in the evening were commenting that their hair was dripping wet.
Late night by the time we get back to hotel. But no washing is done (“The novelty has worn off.” Tina).
______________________________________________
Two items from a populist English paper:
1. Sue Williams, an artist from Swansea, has been given a £20,000 National Lottery grant to explore cultural attitudes to female buttocks. Mrs Williams will create plastercast moulds of women’s bottoms. “The project is taking on issues around the bottom.” Sue says. Let’s hear it for the poor blokes who have been making a serious study of the female backside for the past 5,000 years. And all entirely free of charge.
2. Too many hours in the saddle can affect a man’s fertility. If a man cycles 186 miles a week he damages his sperm. I reckon if a man cycles 186 miles a week it damages his marriage. All that silly headgear, fuchsia skintight lycra and pale hairy legs on show. Offices are full of men who cycle into work and have to make the walk of shame to the Gents. Cycling is emasculating our men. No wonder the sperm go on strike.
__________________________________________________
And back to a quality paper.
Is there no end to Twittermania? … But now … a tool to aid the digestion of great literature. Fans of the classics will be delighted or appalled to learn that the New York branch of Penguin books has commissioned a new volume that will put great works through the Twitter mangle. The volume has a working title that will make the nerve ends of purists jangle: Twitterature.
In it, the authors (two 19 year olds) will reduce the jewels of world literature – Dante, Shakespeare, Joyce etc – into 20 tweets or fewer ie 20 sentences each with no more than 140 characters.
The Guardian journalist then helps out by summarising the New Testament in one tweet: Angel gets Mary up duff. Jesus chills for 30 years, gets Messiah complex and is topped. Comes back. Then I saw his face. Now I’m a believer.
Exactly 140 characters!
Sunday 5 - Monday 6 July
Somewhere, somehow a lot of hours disappeared – along with a lot of sleep!
Sunday started with a leisurely wakeup, breakfast and pack as we had booked a car for 12 noon to chauffeur us to Heathrow. Sure, it was £50 but it seemed a relaxing thing to do. We came down from our room three quarters of an hour early to settle up and sit in the lobby but found the car (a Mercedes) was there waiting for us! So we were at Heathrow very early.
All told we had nearly 6 hours at Heathrow. Tina reclaimed VAT on purchases and she got to see most of men’s tennis final – agonisingly having to leave for boarding when it was 9-9 in the 5th set. The winner was announced on the plane as we were waiting to take off.
As for me I had bought a tote bag crammed with newspapers (30? 40? more?) and I read them at the airport – finding gems.
Oddly, there was no gate advertised for our flight. They said there would be one an hour before the gate opened but nothing. Still no gate time on the board even though the gate was theoretically open. Finally, 30 minutes AFTER the officially opening time the gate number was put on the board and it was the furthest away gate!
The flight was the most turbulent we have experienced. At times it was scary. Apart from this the approximately 12½ hours went by quickly enough as I slept. Tina got a little sleep. I woke up at one stage and there was this giggling face going “I can’t sleep!”
On the flight I decided to firstly listen to the UK top 10 singles in the year Helen was born (1983) and then Kirsten’s year (1984)
Here’s Helen’s (1983):
1. Kama Chameleon – Culture Club
2. Uptown Girl – Billie Joel
3. Red Red Wine – UB40
4. Let’s Dance – David Bowie
5. Total Eclipse Of The Heart – Bonnie Tyler
6. True – Spandau Ballet
7. Down Under – Men At Work – an absolute classic; any song with the word “chunder” in it has to be a good one. I wanted this song for my iPod collection and a wonderful student got it for me from his parents music collection.
8. Billie Jean – Michael (I’m not alive anymore) Jackson
9. All Night Long – Lionel Richie
10. Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This – Euythmics
Two rubbish songs here (6 and 9) and a person I do not like (8).
Now for Kirsten’s (1984)
1. Do They Know It’s Christmas – Band Aid
2. I Just Called To Say I Love You - Stevie Wonder
3. Relax – Frankie Goes To Hollywood
4. Two Tribes – Frankie Goes To Hollywood
5. Careless Whisper (or, given where he was arrested should this be “Carless Whisper” – ha, ha) – George Michael
6. Everything She Wants – Wham!
7. Hello – Lionel Richie
8. Agadoo – Black Lace
9. Ghostbusters – Ray Parker Jnr
10. Freedom – Wham!
Four rubbish songs (5, 6, 7, 10) – I really don’t like Wham!/George Michael and Lionel Richie.
That was an hour taken care of; then I decided to listen to the top 10 for when they were 10 years old but I had not heard of most of them!
1993
1. I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That) – Meatloaf (12 minute classic by Mr Loaf whilst the plane was bumping around over Russia!)
2. I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You – UB40
3. All The She Wants – Ace Of Base
4. No Limit – 2 Unlimited
5. Dreams – Gabrielle
6. Mr Blobby – Mr Blobby – hilarious!
7. Oh Carolina – Shaggy
8. What I Love – Haddaway
9. Mr Vain – Culture Beat
10. I Will Always Love You – Whitney Houston
I didn’t know tracks 3-9 – is this when I started to stopped understanding Helen?
1994
1. Love Is All Around – Wet Wet Wet
2. Saturday Night – Whigfield
3. Stay Another Day – East 17
4. Baby Come Back – Pato Banton
5. I Swear – All-4-One
6. Without You – Mariah Carey
7. Always – Bon Jovi
8. Crazy For You – Let Loose
9. Things Can Only Get Better – D-Ream
10. Doop – Doop
This list was worse for me – I only knew number 1! Of course, this was the English top 10 so maybe some of them didn’t come to NZ … or maybe I was/am out of touch. I do know #4 but not by this musician.
Do you remember these songs girls? Well, that took care of 2 hours flight time! For others reading this, how many songs can you hum the tune or sing the first two lines or chorus?
Singapore airport went smoothly and we got a very cheap taxi to the nice hotel – Swissotel (sic) The Stamford, our 41st (and last???) bed over the 3 months. We are in room 4462 – it doesn’t bother Tina but being on the 44th scares the c**p out of me and there is no way I will go on the balcony! Worse, breakfast is on the 70th floor!!!! And this for a person who doesn’t like going up the 2 steps into his classroom! The room is HUGE.
Pouring with heavy rain but hot and humid.
Tina showered and went off to the conference centre (she has an international principal’s conference for the next 3 days) to register. I had a stroll in the air conditioned mall that is attached to the hotel. Saw the most wonderful art at Ode To Art. Sadly, the prices seemed to start at $S5,000! There were two things that caught my eye: a series of 3 paintings of terraced fields that were in 3d if you stood back (the artist uses a syringe to get this effect) and bright red sculptures eg of Mao, young children.
Dinner was quick but nice at The Asian Kitchen. We were the only westerners there but the place was packed with locals so we thought it must be doing something right. Tina cooks better fried rice. On the way back to the hotel we bought a new suitcase for me as my handles are literally falling off. So, I started the trip with a big suitcase and a carry on case and neither will come back to NZ (the small carry on case was dumped at Auckland Airport when I bought a much better case).
Tina does washing of socks and underwear for the last time (she talks so affectionately about her washing machine!). Both exhausted and off to sleep very early.
_______________________________________
In England there is this debate over the value of Shakespeare – I remember the same debate in NZ. Here is a poem from The Independent.
The Phoenix And The Turtle
As TIME ever onward doth hurtle
Through meadows of clover and myrtle
We now wave goodbye
To SHAKESPEARE. But fie!
I forgot “THE PHOENIX AND THE TURTLE”!
There once was a TURTLE and PHOENIX
Which sounds to me quite an obscene mix
But the turtle’s a dove!
It must be about LOVE.
Best then to get out the kleenix …
Its meaning’s obscure: do these fowl
As they die with a fiery howl
Denote LOVE, TRUTH, or BRAVERY
Or RUNNING AN AVIARY
Or laying it on with a trowel?
Who cares? To be frank I’m too busy.
Call time on Old Will. Don’t be quizzical
For poetry, you’ll find,
Pales beside bump ‘n’ grind
So baby, let’s get METAPHYSICAL!
____________________________________________________
From the same paper was an “essay” titled “For Women, Is the Age Of Irony Less Than 50?” Some excerpts.
First go the knees, then goes irony. Sometime around age 50, women start to let go of certain ideas about themselves and fashion. Up till then you can wear lots of silly or brash things, and if you are reasonably fit and attractive or consistently daring, it doesn’t matter. You’re still with the tide. You are allowed to wear your esoteric Pradas, your porkpie hats and coy Lolita socks, and no little voice is going “Heh-heh-heh, you’re too old for that. … Saying goodbye to short skirts and flimsy tops is actually liberating.
Irony is harder to part with – for the simple reason that many of us who are now in our 50s grew up with that kind of cerebral fashion and were happy to have clothes that made reference to ideas, worlds, that only those in our orbit would understand.
Nothing conveys that struggle better than Madonna’s attire in May at the … In addition to wearing a taffeta hair bow that poked up like rabbit ears, she had on a bright blue minidress with a romper hem and a pair of boots that left a crack of skin showing at the top of her thighs.
… many people took the excessiveness seriously and thought that Madonna, who is 50, looked crazy.
Tama Janowitz … wrote … “90 percent of the time designers create a look that is basically unflattering to the female physique unless you are a 20-year-old, six-foot-tall model, in which case it does not make any difference what you have on. Madonna looked stupid in her rabbit ears. Is this because of the times or her age?”
Irony has been an essential ingredient in fashion for at least the last 40 years – in the kinky clothes of Jean Paul Gaultier, in the recontextualizing of drag and vintage styles by Yves Saint Laurent and John Galliano …
Some older women still prefer a look with an edge rather than a polish. And with the economy forcing many to shop in their closets, they’re finding wonderful things. …
Sunday started with a leisurely wakeup, breakfast and pack as we had booked a car for 12 noon to chauffeur us to Heathrow. Sure, it was £50 but it seemed a relaxing thing to do. We came down from our room three quarters of an hour early to settle up and sit in the lobby but found the car (a Mercedes) was there waiting for us! So we were at Heathrow very early.
All told we had nearly 6 hours at Heathrow. Tina reclaimed VAT on purchases and she got to see most of men’s tennis final – agonisingly having to leave for boarding when it was 9-9 in the 5th set. The winner was announced on the plane as we were waiting to take off.
As for me I had bought a tote bag crammed with newspapers (30? 40? more?) and I read them at the airport – finding gems.
Oddly, there was no gate advertised for our flight. They said there would be one an hour before the gate opened but nothing. Still no gate time on the board even though the gate was theoretically open. Finally, 30 minutes AFTER the officially opening time the gate number was put on the board and it was the furthest away gate!
The flight was the most turbulent we have experienced. At times it was scary. Apart from this the approximately 12½ hours went by quickly enough as I slept. Tina got a little sleep. I woke up at one stage and there was this giggling face going “I can’t sleep!”
On the flight I decided to firstly listen to the UK top 10 singles in the year Helen was born (1983) and then Kirsten’s year (1984)
Here’s Helen’s (1983):
1. Kama Chameleon – Culture Club
2. Uptown Girl – Billie Joel
3. Red Red Wine – UB40
4. Let’s Dance – David Bowie
5. Total Eclipse Of The Heart – Bonnie Tyler
6. True – Spandau Ballet
7. Down Under – Men At Work – an absolute classic; any song with the word “chunder” in it has to be a good one. I wanted this song for my iPod collection and a wonderful student got it for me from his parents music collection.
8. Billie Jean – Michael (I’m not alive anymore) Jackson
9. All Night Long – Lionel Richie
10. Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This – Euythmics
Two rubbish songs here (6 and 9) and a person I do not like (8).
Now for Kirsten’s (1984)
1. Do They Know It’s Christmas – Band Aid
2. I Just Called To Say I Love You - Stevie Wonder
3. Relax – Frankie Goes To Hollywood
4. Two Tribes – Frankie Goes To Hollywood
5. Careless Whisper (or, given where he was arrested should this be “Carless Whisper” – ha, ha) – George Michael
6. Everything She Wants – Wham!
7. Hello – Lionel Richie
8. Agadoo – Black Lace
9. Ghostbusters – Ray Parker Jnr
10. Freedom – Wham!
Four rubbish songs (5, 6, 7, 10) – I really don’t like Wham!/George Michael and Lionel Richie.
That was an hour taken care of; then I decided to listen to the top 10 for when they were 10 years old but I had not heard of most of them!
1993
1. I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That) – Meatloaf (12 minute classic by Mr Loaf whilst the plane was bumping around over Russia!)
2. I Can’t Help Falling In Love With You – UB40
3. All The She Wants – Ace Of Base
4. No Limit – 2 Unlimited
5. Dreams – Gabrielle
6. Mr Blobby – Mr Blobby – hilarious!
7. Oh Carolina – Shaggy
8. What I Love – Haddaway
9. Mr Vain – Culture Beat
10. I Will Always Love You – Whitney Houston
I didn’t know tracks 3-9 – is this when I started to stopped understanding Helen?
1994
1. Love Is All Around – Wet Wet Wet
2. Saturday Night – Whigfield
3. Stay Another Day – East 17
4. Baby Come Back – Pato Banton
5. I Swear – All-4-One
6. Without You – Mariah Carey
7. Always – Bon Jovi
8. Crazy For You – Let Loose
9. Things Can Only Get Better – D-Ream
10. Doop – Doop
This list was worse for me – I only knew number 1! Of course, this was the English top 10 so maybe some of them didn’t come to NZ … or maybe I was/am out of touch. I do know #4 but not by this musician.
Do you remember these songs girls? Well, that took care of 2 hours flight time! For others reading this, how many songs can you hum the tune or sing the first two lines or chorus?
Singapore airport went smoothly and we got a very cheap taxi to the nice hotel – Swissotel (sic) The Stamford, our 41st (and last???) bed over the 3 months. We are in room 4462 – it doesn’t bother Tina but being on the 44th scares the c**p out of me and there is no way I will go on the balcony! Worse, breakfast is on the 70th floor!!!! And this for a person who doesn’t like going up the 2 steps into his classroom! The room is HUGE.
Pouring with heavy rain but hot and humid.
Tina showered and went off to the conference centre (she has an international principal’s conference for the next 3 days) to register. I had a stroll in the air conditioned mall that is attached to the hotel. Saw the most wonderful art at Ode To Art. Sadly, the prices seemed to start at $S5,000! There were two things that caught my eye: a series of 3 paintings of terraced fields that were in 3d if you stood back (the artist uses a syringe to get this effect) and bright red sculptures eg of Mao, young children.
Dinner was quick but nice at The Asian Kitchen. We were the only westerners there but the place was packed with locals so we thought it must be doing something right. Tina cooks better fried rice. On the way back to the hotel we bought a new suitcase for me as my handles are literally falling off. So, I started the trip with a big suitcase and a carry on case and neither will come back to NZ (the small carry on case was dumped at Auckland Airport when I bought a much better case).
Tina does washing of socks and underwear for the last time (she talks so affectionately about her washing machine!). Both exhausted and off to sleep very early.
_______________________________________
In England there is this debate over the value of Shakespeare – I remember the same debate in NZ. Here is a poem from The Independent.
The Phoenix And The Turtle
As TIME ever onward doth hurtle
Through meadows of clover and myrtle
We now wave goodbye
To SHAKESPEARE. But fie!
I forgot “THE PHOENIX AND THE TURTLE”!
There once was a TURTLE and PHOENIX
Which sounds to me quite an obscene mix
But the turtle’s a dove!
It must be about LOVE.
Best then to get out the kleenix …
Its meaning’s obscure: do these fowl
As they die with a fiery howl
Denote LOVE, TRUTH, or BRAVERY
Or RUNNING AN AVIARY
Or laying it on with a trowel?
Who cares? To be frank I’m too busy.
Call time on Old Will. Don’t be quizzical
For poetry, you’ll find,
Pales beside bump ‘n’ grind
So baby, let’s get METAPHYSICAL!
____________________________________________________
From the same paper was an “essay” titled “For Women, Is the Age Of Irony Less Than 50?” Some excerpts.
First go the knees, then goes irony. Sometime around age 50, women start to let go of certain ideas about themselves and fashion. Up till then you can wear lots of silly or brash things, and if you are reasonably fit and attractive or consistently daring, it doesn’t matter. You’re still with the tide. You are allowed to wear your esoteric Pradas, your porkpie hats and coy Lolita socks, and no little voice is going “Heh-heh-heh, you’re too old for that. … Saying goodbye to short skirts and flimsy tops is actually liberating.
Irony is harder to part with – for the simple reason that many of us who are now in our 50s grew up with that kind of cerebral fashion and were happy to have clothes that made reference to ideas, worlds, that only those in our orbit would understand.
Nothing conveys that struggle better than Madonna’s attire in May at the … In addition to wearing a taffeta hair bow that poked up like rabbit ears, she had on a bright blue minidress with a romper hem and a pair of boots that left a crack of skin showing at the top of her thighs.
… many people took the excessiveness seriously and thought that Madonna, who is 50, looked crazy.
Tama Janowitz … wrote … “90 percent of the time designers create a look that is basically unflattering to the female physique unless you are a 20-year-old, six-foot-tall model, in which case it does not make any difference what you have on. Madonna looked stupid in her rabbit ears. Is this because of the times or her age?”
Irony has been an essential ingredient in fashion for at least the last 40 years – in the kinky clothes of Jean Paul Gaultier, in the recontextualizing of drag and vintage styles by Yves Saint Laurent and John Galliano …
Some older women still prefer a look with an edge rather than a polish. And with the economy forcing many to shop in their closets, they’re finding wonderful things. …
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Saturday 4 July
Last laundry in London. Set up for Singapore. Tina is even looking forward to her washing machine!
Another hot day, especially the afternoon.
We set off ia early via Tube for Madame Tussauds. I wasn't really interested but I am glad I went. Very impressive especially at the end when there is a cab "ride" though displays called The Spirit Of London. Just as well we went early as there was a queue when we arrived and they opened the door a half hour earlier than their pamphlet said.
We then head back via Tube. Tina goes back to hotel for a relax and to watch the tennis whilst I meet Keith. We make our way to Covent Garden. What a fun place! I thought we were going to some park but the markets, restaurants and street performers gave the area a vibrancy and it was packed. I bought 3 hand painted ties!We saw some excellent street performers. Keith and I walked along the Thames and then made our way back to Victoria for Keith to catch his train to the south coast.
Tina and I go to an Indian restaurant (Millbank Spice) for dinner.
Another hot day, especially the afternoon.
We set off ia early via Tube for Madame Tussauds. I wasn't really interested but I am glad I went. Very impressive especially at the end when there is a cab "ride" though displays called The Spirit Of London. Just as well we went early as there was a queue when we arrived and they opened the door a half hour earlier than their pamphlet said.
We then head back via Tube. Tina goes back to hotel for a relax and to watch the tennis whilst I meet Keith. We make our way to Covent Garden. What a fun place! I thought we were going to some park but the markets, restaurants and street performers gave the area a vibrancy and it was packed. I bought 3 hand painted ties!We saw some excellent street performers. Keith and I walked along the Thames and then made our way back to Victoria for Keith to catch his train to the south coast.
Tina and I go to an Indian restaurant (Millbank Spice) for dinner.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Friday 3 July
Has rained overnight so cooler this morning.
We do our own thing again.
I lug backpack and a huge tote bag to the nearest post office (about 20min away) and send home a 10.5kg box home! Costs 139 pounds - ie over $NZ280!
I walk on to Victoria station, tube to Waterloo with one change and surface train out to Hampton Court and make my way to Hampton Court House School. This school looks old (old buildings) but is private and new. It caters for the kids of the rich who can't fit into other schools. As I stand waiting for the man I have come to meet I see some appalling behaviour from kids and poor parenting (there is a link here, right?). Richard James takes me for a walk around the school grounds and buildings and then we make our way to the Kings Arms for lunch. After speaking with him (part of my sabbatical project) I make my way back into London (a teacher from Girls' High is on the train) and back to the hotel.
Meanwhile, Tina has had a little relax in the morning and then walks to the tour office where she goes on a half day trip to Windsor Castle and Runnymeade (signing of Magna Carter). Great trip except the elderly tour guide gets the timing/sequence all wrong and they are stuck in traffic. What took them 40 minutes to cruise out takes 3 HOURS to cover LESS distance coming back. They arrive over 2 hours later than scheduled. Driver is furious as he misses out on an evening job. Tina is going to make a complaint - imagine if we were going to Phantom tonight! She is steaming when she returns. The driver was nice - he drops her close by the hotel as it is on his way.
She did have a good trip. She bought me a tie!! Is anyone keeping count?
The weather got hot in the afternoon.
We have a meal in our room and Tina catches up on some tennis.
We do our own thing again.
I lug backpack and a huge tote bag to the nearest post office (about 20min away) and send home a 10.5kg box home! Costs 139 pounds - ie over $NZ280!
I walk on to Victoria station, tube to Waterloo with one change and surface train out to Hampton Court and make my way to Hampton Court House School. This school looks old (old buildings) but is private and new. It caters for the kids of the rich who can't fit into other schools. As I stand waiting for the man I have come to meet I see some appalling behaviour from kids and poor parenting (there is a link here, right?). Richard James takes me for a walk around the school grounds and buildings and then we make our way to the Kings Arms for lunch. After speaking with him (part of my sabbatical project) I make my way back into London (a teacher from Girls' High is on the train) and back to the hotel.
Meanwhile, Tina has had a little relax in the morning and then walks to the tour office where she goes on a half day trip to Windsor Castle and Runnymeade (signing of Magna Carter). Great trip except the elderly tour guide gets the timing/sequence all wrong and they are stuck in traffic. What took them 40 minutes to cruise out takes 3 HOURS to cover LESS distance coming back. They arrive over 2 hours later than scheduled. Driver is furious as he misses out on an evening job. Tina is going to make a complaint - imagine if we were going to Phantom tonight! She is steaming when she returns. The driver was nice - he drops her close by the hotel as it is on his way.
She did have a good trip. She bought me a tie!! Is anyone keeping count?
The weather got hot in the afternoon.
We have a meal in our room and Tina catches up on some tennis.
Thursday 2 July
HOT!
The plan is to do 4 things today but Tina is very tired and needs a brief rest. My feet are really hurting - achilles x 2 and blisters on both feet. So we end up doing three things during the day. The London Eye is missed out.
Our first stop is Westminster Abbey - 15 pound each! magnificent and finally I see the pyx. If you ever want to win at Hangman choose pyx as your word. No class has ever got it! Tina buys me THREE ties - 2 London scenes and musical notes.
Next stop is a couple of minutes away - the Churchill Museum and WWII Cabinet War Rooms which were underground. Fascinating.
We take the underground to quickly get to the Tower of London. Masses of people and very hot. Tina heads straight to the Jewel Room. I was impressed by The Great Punch Bowl which can hold 144 bottles of wine - how much Tui beer would that be? Later we see the rack and other torture implements. Tempting. I buy a tie!
We race back to the hotel via the underground, shower and have room service and then we are off to The Phantom Of The Opera at Her Majesty's Theatre (they've been dong it since 1986), Haymarket. We were in the 4th row! This show was stunning. I couldn't believe the staging in the first half - so dynamic with huge blocks being effortlessly moved about to create many differing "scenes". At the start with the overture the chandelier is lifted off the stage, over our heads and up to the ceiling - it was scary! And later it comes "crashing" down fast. The same when the Phantom descended from high up in a piece of sculpture, sang and then ascended - it was terrifying.
What a show. What a day! This is what it's all about.
Here's a joke out of a paper - I've seen it twice since being away.
Kelly is having his hair cut by his barber, Luigi, who asks where he's going for his holidays. "Italy" says Kelly.
"My homeland. Where are you going?"
"Rome."
"You don't wanna go to Rome. Horrid, crowded place. Go to my hometown, Polermo. How you getting there?"
Air Italia."
"That's a terrible airline. Find another. Where are you staying?"
"Hotel Haelser."
"It's a tourist trap, a rip-off. Go somewhere else. What you gonna do in Rome?"
"We hope to see the Pope."
"Sure, you'll see him, looking like my thumb from two football fields away."
A month later Kelly is back. Luigi says, "I was right, right?"
"Well," says Kelly, "Air Italia treated us great, we loved Rome, the hotel upgraded us to a suite for free. At the Sistine Chapel I leant on a panel - it swung open and revealed a private chapel with the Holy Father sitting there. He beckoned us in and he said 'I'm gonna bless you. But first, ya know I've been a Pope a few years now, and almost every day I bless the crowds in St Peter's Square. Three, maybe four million people. Half of them are men. Do the math. And you know, not once have I seen such a terrible haircut!'"
The plan is to do 4 things today but Tina is very tired and needs a brief rest. My feet are really hurting - achilles x 2 and blisters on both feet. So we end up doing three things during the day. The London Eye is missed out.
Our first stop is Westminster Abbey - 15 pound each! magnificent and finally I see the pyx. If you ever want to win at Hangman choose pyx as your word. No class has ever got it! Tina buys me THREE ties - 2 London scenes and musical notes.
Next stop is a couple of minutes away - the Churchill Museum and WWII Cabinet War Rooms which were underground. Fascinating.
We take the underground to quickly get to the Tower of London. Masses of people and very hot. Tina heads straight to the Jewel Room. I was impressed by The Great Punch Bowl which can hold 144 bottles of wine - how much Tui beer would that be? Later we see the rack and other torture implements. Tempting. I buy a tie!
We race back to the hotel via the underground, shower and have room service and then we are off to The Phantom Of The Opera at Her Majesty's Theatre (they've been dong it since 1986), Haymarket. We were in the 4th row! This show was stunning. I couldn't believe the staging in the first half - so dynamic with huge blocks being effortlessly moved about to create many differing "scenes". At the start with the overture the chandelier is lifted off the stage, over our heads and up to the ceiling - it was scary! And later it comes "crashing" down fast. The same when the Phantom descended from high up in a piece of sculpture, sang and then ascended - it was terrifying.
What a show. What a day! This is what it's all about.
Here's a joke out of a paper - I've seen it twice since being away.
Kelly is having his hair cut by his barber, Luigi, who asks where he's going for his holidays. "Italy" says Kelly.
"My homeland. Where are you going?"
"Rome."
"You don't wanna go to Rome. Horrid, crowded place. Go to my hometown, Polermo. How you getting there?"
Air Italia."
"That's a terrible airline. Find another. Where are you staying?"
"Hotel Haelser."
"It's a tourist trap, a rip-off. Go somewhere else. What you gonna do in Rome?"
"We hope to see the Pope."
"Sure, you'll see him, looking like my thumb from two football fields away."
A month later Kelly is back. Luigi says, "I was right, right?"
"Well," says Kelly, "Air Italia treated us great, we loved Rome, the hotel upgraded us to a suite for free. At the Sistine Chapel I leant on a panel - it swung open and revealed a private chapel with the Holy Father sitting there. He beckoned us in and he said 'I'm gonna bless you. But first, ya know I've been a Pope a few years now, and almost every day I bless the crowds in St Peter's Square. Three, maybe four million people. Half of them are men. Do the math. And you know, not once have I seen such a terrible haircut!'"
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Wednesday 1 July
11th week! 11 days to go. Hot - not as hot as yesterday but hot.
Walk to Pimlico tube (underground) and lovely man helps us. We buy an Oyster Card which is the cheapest option. We quickly (after one change at Oxford Circus) arrive at St Pauls. We get on the third train from Oxford Circus - the first two are crushingly full. The good news is that a new train came along within a minute of the previous one leaving.
When we surface at St Pauls we can't see the cathedral so ask locals, The first two have no idea and are embarrassed! The third one gets us to walk 15 paces and there it is! An ugly building was in the way.
Tina goes in and sees graves of Nelson, Wellington, Grey, Wren. She loves it. I sat on he steps and got some great photos as the choir boys trooped out for a formal photo on the steps. I stood by the photographer.
We go across to Starbucks. There is a sign "Geography is a flavour".
We cross the Millennium Bridge and Tina goes on her Globe tour. She got to take photos inside before the performance and the exhibition was very good.
I went to Tate Modern. First thing I saw - imagine a white room and all that is in it is a HUGE table and 4 chairs. The chairs were roughly twice my size. The notes said the work was 2 and a 1/2 times normal size. It was by Robert Theirien and is titled "No Title (Table and Four Chairs)". It was done in 2003 and the accompanying notes read "In the presence of the giant objects the viewer feels physically diminished. Towering over us they return us to the experiences of childhood adventure below the adult word".
Next to catch the eye were some Picassos. "Nude Woman With Necklace" (1968) is described as "revised the traditional ideal of beauty with particular violence, subjecting the body to a repeated assault in paint ... a reclining female figure is presented as a raw, sexualised arrangement of orifices, breasts and cumbersome limbs."
There was also "Reclining Nude" done in 1971 just weeks before his 90th birthday.
Then there was "The Kiss" (1967), "emphasises the sexuality of The Kiss by presenting it as a voracious struggle between the compulsive man and the ecstatic woman. The patterned interlocking of lips, teeth and tongues suggests their urgent sexual appetite."
Wander through to a room with a full size old VW van (bus) - poor paintwork and rust - with 24 brown sleds behind it. Each sled has a roll of felt on it, a flashlight and a round piece of fat. This 1969 "work of art" is by Joseph Beuys and is titled "the pack". Very odd. Equally strange was Miroslaw Balta's "480x10x10" from 2002 which is, presumably, (I didn't count them) 480 bars/pieces of used soap hanging from the ceiling on a wire rope.
More to my taste are the realist works "Portrait of a Young Woman" by Meredith Frampton (1935) and "Morning" by Dod Proctor (1926). This latter painting was enormously popular. It is a young woman, still mostly asleep but just starting to stir. "as an image of awakening it carried allusions to regeneration and stability after the war." So good. To me it just looked like a girl sleeping on a bed.
Last work to catch the eye before meeting up with Tina was Cornelia Parker's 1988 "Thirty Pieces of Silver". This artist is "known for works in which she takes objects and subjects them to violence". This work will require you to imagine:
1. more than a thousand pieces of silver have been scoured from junk shops - objects no longer wanted by their owners
2. these objects were then flattened by a steamroller. Among the objects were forks, spoons, trophies, candlesticks, trombones, teapots.
3. the flattened objects are grouped into 30 groups.
4. these objects in their 30 groups are hung from the high ceiling by thousands of wires and all end up a hand's span off the ground.
The big idea is just as people discarded these items so Judas discarded Jesus for 30 pieces of silver.
And then it's off to the Globe to meet up with Tina. We go into the Globe shop and Tina buys a t-shirt with the message "Something wicked this way comes" - how appropriate!!! We hire a cushion as the seats are old hard planks.We are in the upper gallery (top gallery); Tina in section L, me M. You have VERY little space. We have have shade compared to those in the Pit.
The performance of As You Like It was stunning. Powerful acting with lots of humour. The actors had to maintain focus with jets and helicopters flying overhead eg just as one of them starts The Seven Ages Of Man.
Tina is positively glowing. She is so happy.
Outside The Globe are paving stones with names on them - people who contributed to the building of The Globe. John Cleese took great delight in getting Michael Palin's name spelt wrong - Pallin.
I took Tina to the Tate Modern for a quick tour of the thinks I described above.
Lovely dinner at Cafe Rouge besides St Pauls. Two salads and an antipasto platter. Perfect for a hot day.
Underground back to Victoria Station and taxi to hotel.
Walk to Pimlico tube (underground) and lovely man helps us. We buy an Oyster Card which is the cheapest option. We quickly (after one change at Oxford Circus) arrive at St Pauls. We get on the third train from Oxford Circus - the first two are crushingly full. The good news is that a new train came along within a minute of the previous one leaving.
When we surface at St Pauls we can't see the cathedral so ask locals, The first two have no idea and are embarrassed! The third one gets us to walk 15 paces and there it is! An ugly building was in the way.
Tina goes in and sees graves of Nelson, Wellington, Grey, Wren. She loves it. I sat on he steps and got some great photos as the choir boys trooped out for a formal photo on the steps. I stood by the photographer.
We go across to Starbucks. There is a sign "Geography is a flavour".
We cross the Millennium Bridge and Tina goes on her Globe tour. She got to take photos inside before the performance and the exhibition was very good.
I went to Tate Modern. First thing I saw - imagine a white room and all that is in it is a HUGE table and 4 chairs. The chairs were roughly twice my size. The notes said the work was 2 and a 1/2 times normal size. It was by Robert Theirien and is titled "No Title (Table and Four Chairs)". It was done in 2003 and the accompanying notes read "In the presence of the giant objects the viewer feels physically diminished. Towering over us they return us to the experiences of childhood adventure below the adult word".
Next to catch the eye were some Picassos. "Nude Woman With Necklace" (1968) is described as "revised the traditional ideal of beauty with particular violence, subjecting the body to a repeated assault in paint ... a reclining female figure is presented as a raw, sexualised arrangement of orifices, breasts and cumbersome limbs."
There was also "Reclining Nude" done in 1971 just weeks before his 90th birthday.
Then there was "The Kiss" (1967), "emphasises the sexuality of The Kiss by presenting it as a voracious struggle between the compulsive man and the ecstatic woman. The patterned interlocking of lips, teeth and tongues suggests their urgent sexual appetite."
Wander through to a room with a full size old VW van (bus) - poor paintwork and rust - with 24 brown sleds behind it. Each sled has a roll of felt on it, a flashlight and a round piece of fat. This 1969 "work of art" is by Joseph Beuys and is titled "the pack". Very odd. Equally strange was Miroslaw Balta's "480x10x10" from 2002 which is, presumably, (I didn't count them) 480 bars/pieces of used soap hanging from the ceiling on a wire rope.
More to my taste are the realist works "Portrait of a Young Woman" by Meredith Frampton (1935) and "Morning" by Dod Proctor (1926). This latter painting was enormously popular. It is a young woman, still mostly asleep but just starting to stir. "as an image of awakening it carried allusions to regeneration and stability after the war." So good. To me it just looked like a girl sleeping on a bed.
Last work to catch the eye before meeting up with Tina was Cornelia Parker's 1988 "Thirty Pieces of Silver". This artist is "known for works in which she takes objects and subjects them to violence". This work will require you to imagine:
1. more than a thousand pieces of silver have been scoured from junk shops - objects no longer wanted by their owners
2. these objects were then flattened by a steamroller. Among the objects were forks, spoons, trophies, candlesticks, trombones, teapots.
3. the flattened objects are grouped into 30 groups.
4. these objects in their 30 groups are hung from the high ceiling by thousands of wires and all end up a hand's span off the ground.
The big idea is just as people discarded these items so Judas discarded Jesus for 30 pieces of silver.
And then it's off to the Globe to meet up with Tina. We go into the Globe shop and Tina buys a t-shirt with the message "Something wicked this way comes" - how appropriate!!! We hire a cushion as the seats are old hard planks.We are in the upper gallery (top gallery); Tina in section L, me M. You have VERY little space. We have have shade compared to those in the Pit.
The performance of As You Like It was stunning. Powerful acting with lots of humour. The actors had to maintain focus with jets and helicopters flying overhead eg just as one of them starts The Seven Ages Of Man.
Tina is positively glowing. She is so happy.
Outside The Globe are paving stones with names on them - people who contributed to the building of The Globe. John Cleese took great delight in getting Michael Palin's name spelt wrong - Pallin.
I took Tina to the Tate Modern for a quick tour of the thinks I described above.
Lovely dinner at Cafe Rouge besides St Pauls. Two salads and an antipasto platter. Perfect for a hot day.
Underground back to Victoria Station and taxi to hotel.
Tuesday 30 June
VERY hot.
We are both tired so decide to have a quieter day.
Tina has bubble and squeak with her breakfast - potato, onion (I think) and cabbage. She books a hair colour for mid afternoon so we have to be back for that. She needs to look good for her Singapore conference. Tina books a Windsor tour for Friday afternoon as I am completing my educational project with a final visit.
We get a taxi to Harrods. Can you believe it, we walk in and that awful Lady Gaga song "Pokerface" is playing. In Harrods! I thought they had class! Tina immediately buys a Christian Dior belt for the dress she bought in Positano.
In the food halls I find cheeses with names like Roquefort Papillon Noir Rouergue and Mrs Appleby's Red Cheshire. In another room is Beef, Stilton and Mash Pie and Crayfish and Egg Noodle Wrap. There are 20 types of olives and 10 brands of caviar.
Tina shakes her head in wonderment at the Dodi and Diana Shrine. People around us giggle.
We climb another floor and it is clothes, clothes, clothes. I crawl from one chair to the next wondering if we will ever get off this floor.
We finally leave and head back to the NZ monument. I find a cool men's shop and buy a 6th shirt. Imagine a white shirt but with 3 types of dots on it. There are little black circles, little blue circles and the third type a mini Union Jacks. Very cool.
We go to the little park where the Paul Dibble NZ monument titled The Southern Stand is in Hyde Park Corner.
Tina's hair colouring is a success - especially after not being able to get one done in Killarney when the firm declined to accept her as they had to do a test on her 48 hours before actually doing the colour job. Yeah right. I cranked the air con up.
Dinner at local pub, The White Horse and Bower.
Good but hot day.
We are both tired so decide to have a quieter day.
Tina has bubble and squeak with her breakfast - potato, onion (I think) and cabbage. She books a hair colour for mid afternoon so we have to be back for that. She needs to look good for her Singapore conference. Tina books a Windsor tour for Friday afternoon as I am completing my educational project with a final visit.
We get a taxi to Harrods. Can you believe it, we walk in and that awful Lady Gaga song "Pokerface" is playing. In Harrods! I thought they had class! Tina immediately buys a Christian Dior belt for the dress she bought in Positano.
In the food halls I find cheeses with names like Roquefort Papillon Noir Rouergue and Mrs Appleby's Red Cheshire. In another room is Beef, Stilton and Mash Pie and Crayfish and Egg Noodle Wrap. There are 20 types of olives and 10 brands of caviar.
Tina shakes her head in wonderment at the Dodi and Diana Shrine. People around us giggle.
We climb another floor and it is clothes, clothes, clothes. I crawl from one chair to the next wondering if we will ever get off this floor.
We finally leave and head back to the NZ monument. I find a cool men's shop and buy a 6th shirt. Imagine a white shirt but with 3 types of dots on it. There are little black circles, little blue circles and the third type a mini Union Jacks. Very cool.
We go to the little park where the Paul Dibble NZ monument titled The Southern Stand is in Hyde Park Corner.
Tina's hair colouring is a success - especially after not being able to get one done in Killarney when the firm declined to accept her as they had to do a test on her 48 hours before actually doing the colour job. Yeah right. I cranked the air con up.
Dinner at local pub, The White Horse and Bower.
Good but hot day.
Monday 29 June
Very hot day.
We split up again.
Tina gets up just before 6am and heads to Wimbledon. She is number 6569 in The Queue (the capitals are deliberate as The Queue has its own thick booklet of rules)! She gets in after standing for four hours in The Queue and highlights are seeing Marty Fish and James Blake playing doubles together and then the Williams sisters blowing two Chinese off the court in doubles, 6-0, 6-0. She comes back to the hotel about 9pm and has had a great day.
I went to the Imperial War Museum and spent 6 and a 1/2 hours in there! Bought another tie - Churchill in profile. The cheese of the day was Cornish nettle yarg described as being similar in texture to Caerphilly (whatever that is). I had a cheddar, pear and beetroot chutney sandwich.
A paper has run a competition to write a haiku about summer in London. The winner's inspiration are his fellow commuters at Victoria Station.
"Beneath the morning sun
The city is painted gold
People move like bees through honey"
We split up again.
Tina gets up just before 6am and heads to Wimbledon. She is number 6569 in The Queue (the capitals are deliberate as The Queue has its own thick booklet of rules)! She gets in after standing for four hours in The Queue and highlights are seeing Marty Fish and James Blake playing doubles together and then the Williams sisters blowing two Chinese off the court in doubles, 6-0, 6-0. She comes back to the hotel about 9pm and has had a great day.
I went to the Imperial War Museum and spent 6 and a 1/2 hours in there! Bought another tie - Churchill in profile. The cheese of the day was Cornish nettle yarg described as being similar in texture to Caerphilly (whatever that is). I had a cheddar, pear and beetroot chutney sandwich.
A paper has run a competition to write a haiku about summer in London. The winner's inspiration are his fellow commuters at Victoria Station.
"Beneath the morning sun
The city is painted gold
People move like bees through honey"
Sunday 28 June
WE SPLIT UP! No, not like that.
We both go to Victoria Station and Tina gets on a train to visit her cousin Robert and his partner Lisa. This is the last of Uncle Tom and Aunty Margaret's children she has to visit. They treat her well and she gets to see many things eg Lewes Abbey and especially the White Cliffs of Dover. She has a great day out.
I also head south, but not as far and go to a chess tournament. My main reason is to meet Mike Basman as part of my sabbatical project but I meet so many other relevant people and pick up some excellent ideas. Also a very satisfying day.
We meet up at Victoria Station and have a meal at The Shakespeare right across the road.
Plans for this Saturday have fallen through so we book our hotel room for another night.
Hot day.
Strange headline in the paper, "Men must have sex every day to boost chance of having baby". Oh really, I would have though this was rather obvious.
We both go to Victoria Station and Tina gets on a train to visit her cousin Robert and his partner Lisa. This is the last of Uncle Tom and Aunty Margaret's children she has to visit. They treat her well and she gets to see many things eg Lewes Abbey and especially the White Cliffs of Dover. She has a great day out.
I also head south, but not as far and go to a chess tournament. My main reason is to meet Mike Basman as part of my sabbatical project but I meet so many other relevant people and pick up some excellent ideas. Also a very satisfying day.
We meet up at Victoria Station and have a meal at The Shakespeare right across the road.
Plans for this Saturday have fallen through so we book our hotel room for another night.
Hot day.
Strange headline in the paper, "Men must have sex every day to boost chance of having baby". Oh really, I would have though this was rather obvious.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Saturday 27 June
Hot day.
We walk to Buckingham Palace to see changing of the guard. Arrive and stand in a good spot for 40-50 minutes. Watch the changing for an hour and then take photos of the area once the crowd clear. Talk to a lovely friendly policeman on a horse (Griffindor). He was going along the crowd calling out "Does anyone speak English?". He got no takers (the event was watched by masses of non-English speakers) until I called out. He stopped the horse and we had a long chat. It was very hot in the sun.
We walked down The Mall in the shade. Both sides of the street lined with huge Union Jacks. Lots of horse poo - I take photos of it. Tina thinks I am becoming obsessed by horse manure.
We go into the Institute of Contemporary Art. Yes, Martin goes into the Institute of Contemporary Art!!!!! Just when you think I might be developing a cultural bone I have to confess it was only because they had a loo and a cold drink!
We go to Trafalgar Square and Nelson's Column. Then head for Picadilly. On the way we see Her Majesty's Theatre and book tickets to Phantom Of The Opera for Thursday and then saunter into NZ House to see the beautiful carving by Inia Te Wiata (well, mostly carved by him as he died before completing it). Next day a learned taxi driving describes the building as "brutalist architecture" - it is an ugly building out of keeping with others around it. The taxi driver also told us it was a listed heritage building - ugly but unique.
Next door there is a big queue to get into the Sports Bar to watch the 2nd Lions v South Africa test.
We head to the Thames and on the way I buy a black and white checked pork pie hat!!!
I'll wear it as I get off the plane!
We walk past No 10 Downing Street. Nice chat with a policeman.
We go for a cruise on the Thames. We hopped off and booked Globe tickets for Wednesday. Wanted to go to Romeo & Juliet but it is booked out until August so we will go to As You Like It but if we want unrestricted view we can't sit together! We take whatever good seats we can get.
Saw Tower Bridge open which is evidently quite are.
As we head back on the boat the skies darken and there is thunder and lightning as well as a strong wind. No rain on us.
Long walk back to the hotel. Stop for dinner at a little pub. We have been out for over 9 and a 1/2 hours. Sore feet but very satisfying day.
We walk to Buckingham Palace to see changing of the guard. Arrive and stand in a good spot for 40-50 minutes. Watch the changing for an hour and then take photos of the area once the crowd clear. Talk to a lovely friendly policeman on a horse (Griffindor). He was going along the crowd calling out "Does anyone speak English?". He got no takers (the event was watched by masses of non-English speakers) until I called out. He stopped the horse and we had a long chat. It was very hot in the sun.
We walked down The Mall in the shade. Both sides of the street lined with huge Union Jacks. Lots of horse poo - I take photos of it. Tina thinks I am becoming obsessed by horse manure.
We go into the Institute of Contemporary Art. Yes, Martin goes into the Institute of Contemporary Art!!!!! Just when you think I might be developing a cultural bone I have to confess it was only because they had a loo and a cold drink!
We go to Trafalgar Square and Nelson's Column. Then head for Picadilly. On the way we see Her Majesty's Theatre and book tickets to Phantom Of The Opera for Thursday and then saunter into NZ House to see the beautiful carving by Inia Te Wiata (well, mostly carved by him as he died before completing it). Next day a learned taxi driving describes the building as "brutalist architecture" - it is an ugly building out of keeping with others around it. The taxi driver also told us it was a listed heritage building - ugly but unique.
Next door there is a big queue to get into the Sports Bar to watch the 2nd Lions v South Africa test.
We head to the Thames and on the way I buy a black and white checked pork pie hat!!!
I'll wear it as I get off the plane!
We walk past No 10 Downing Street. Nice chat with a policeman.
We go for a cruise on the Thames. We hopped off and booked Globe tickets for Wednesday. Wanted to go to Romeo & Juliet but it is booked out until August so we will go to As You Like It but if we want unrestricted view we can't sit together! We take whatever good seats we can get.
Saw Tower Bridge open which is evidently quite are.
As we head back on the boat the skies darken and there is thunder and lightning as well as a strong wind. No rain on us.
Long walk back to the hotel. Stop for dinner at a little pub. We have been out for over 9 and a 1/2 hours. Sore feet but very satisfying day.
Friday 26 June
We cross the Severn Bridge and pass through a small town called Pennsylvania!
We enjoy our time in Bath. Want to come back. Went to the Roman baths, of course, and then had morning tea in the Pump Room. Talk about inadequately dressed for the grandeur of the room which harked back to a former time when we would have promenaded around the room. Sadly, all people can see is my stubby little legs poking out of my shorts. I have a Traditional Bath Bun with Monkey King tea! The bun comes with cinnamon butter which was so yummy. Tina has a warm cheddar cheese and chives scone. Other items from the menu were Lemon and Poppy Seed Scones and Sultana and Demerara Crust Scone. There was a violin, cello and piano playing - similar to St Marks Square, Venice.
We then had a glass of Bath water - strange taste of many minerals.
Tina visits Bath Abbey whilst I take photos of unusual but compelling sculptures.
Need more time! Didn't get to Jane Austen museum. Drive past her birthplace but there is a huge truck parked in front of it so no photo.
Interesting pub name - The King's Head. Presumably a reference to Charles I.
Nest, and last stop on the tour is Stonehenge. It took us by surprise as it is so small. I don't want to put down the amazing achievement of the builders; it's just that it doesn't take long to get around it. The only thing that slows you down os the lengthy audio commentary.
Within 30 seconds of leaving we are caught up in a traffic jam!
The mileage for the trip is 1839 ie 2942kms.
We are dropped where we started (the Thistle) and catch a taxi to City Inn Westminster, room 222 which is our 40th bed. It is a new room, very well appointed and comfortable. We are made very welcome with 10% off meals, free wine, free fruit. We don't know but we think it may because we are staying 8 nights. There is also free internet/wifi in the room. The tv is an Apple iMac.
From the Guardian
Carol Ann Duffy is the new poet laureate (and first female in 341 years of the post) and has just released her first poem. It is titled "Politics" and deals with the expenses scandal which occupies masses of media space. The Guardian says it "is a powerful, passionate commentary on the corrosiveness of politics on politicians and the ruinous effect on idealism."
POLITICS
How it makes of your face a stone
that aches to weep, of your heart a fist,
clenched or thumping, sweating blood,of your tongue
an iron latch with no door. How it makes of your right hand
a gauntlet, a glove-puppet of the left, of your laugh
a dry leaf blowing in the wind, of your desert island discs
hiss hiss hiss, makes of the words on your lips dice
that can throw no six. How it takes the breath
away, the piss, makes of your kiss a dropped pound coin,
makes of your promises latin, gibberish, feedback, static,
of your hair a wig, of your gait a plank-walk. How it says this -
politics - to your education education education; shouts this -
Politics! - to your health and wealth; how it roars, to your
conscience moral compass truth,
POLITICS POLITICS POLITICS.
We enjoy our time in Bath. Want to come back. Went to the Roman baths, of course, and then had morning tea in the Pump Room. Talk about inadequately dressed for the grandeur of the room which harked back to a former time when we would have promenaded around the room. Sadly, all people can see is my stubby little legs poking out of my shorts. I have a Traditional Bath Bun with Monkey King tea! The bun comes with cinnamon butter which was so yummy. Tina has a warm cheddar cheese and chives scone. Other items from the menu were Lemon and Poppy Seed Scones and Sultana and Demerara Crust Scone. There was a violin, cello and piano playing - similar to St Marks Square, Venice.
We then had a glass of Bath water - strange taste of many minerals.
Tina visits Bath Abbey whilst I take photos of unusual but compelling sculptures.
Need more time! Didn't get to Jane Austen museum. Drive past her birthplace but there is a huge truck parked in front of it so no photo.
Interesting pub name - The King's Head. Presumably a reference to Charles I.
Nest, and last stop on the tour is Stonehenge. It took us by surprise as it is so small. I don't want to put down the amazing achievement of the builders; it's just that it doesn't take long to get around it. The only thing that slows you down os the lengthy audio commentary.
Within 30 seconds of leaving we are caught up in a traffic jam!
The mileage for the trip is 1839 ie 2942kms.
We are dropped where we started (the Thistle) and catch a taxi to City Inn Westminster, room 222 which is our 40th bed. It is a new room, very well appointed and comfortable. We are made very welcome with 10% off meals, free wine, free fruit. We don't know but we think it may because we are staying 8 nights. There is also free internet/wifi in the room. The tv is an Apple iMac.
From the Guardian
Carol Ann Duffy is the new poet laureate (and first female in 341 years of the post) and has just released her first poem. It is titled "Politics" and deals with the expenses scandal which occupies masses of media space. The Guardian says it "is a powerful, passionate commentary on the corrosiveness of politics on politicians and the ruinous effect on idealism."
POLITICS
How it makes of your face a stone
that aches to weep, of your heart a fist,
clenched or thumping, sweating blood,of your tongue
an iron latch with no door. How it makes of your right hand
a gauntlet, a glove-puppet of the left, of your laugh
a dry leaf blowing in the wind, of your desert island discs
hiss hiss hiss, makes of the words on your lips dice
that can throw no six. How it takes the breath
away, the piss, makes of your kiss a dropped pound coin,
makes of your promises latin, gibberish, feedback, static,
of your hair a wig, of your gait a plank-walk. How it says this -
politics - to your education education education; shouts this -
Politics! - to your health and wealth; how it roars, to your
conscience moral compass truth,
POLITICS POLITICS POLITICS.
Thursday 25 June
Uncomfortable night: uncomfortable bed and pillows and a hot room.
5.15am start (!!!) to catch ferry - back to the bad old days of early starts on the boat in the Greek islands.
It is a slightly smaller ferry than first crossing. Whereas that was a crossing from North Wales to Dublin this is from Rosslare (southeast of Wexford) to Pembroke, Milford Haven Harbour, South Wales. It also took slightly longer - 4 hours. Once again a millpond.
On board I bought a 4 part dvd of the Irish Famine.
We drive across South Wales and end up in Cardiff (Caerdydd). We have ONE hour in Cardiff which is a joke and many are unhappy - especially when out nice hotel is MILES out of Cardiff. So one hour is it for Cardiff. Thanks for coming.
Hotel is Copthorne Hotel Cardiff, room 221. Very nice hotel and we had a lovely view over a small lake/large pond. I asked reception where we were and they said St Fagans/Culverhouse Cross - I will track this down when I return. 39th bed.
We have the best optional meal out of the trip. Other places could learn a thing or two from this old pub (1380!!!!!! - think about that). Thatched roof. It is the Blue Anchor Inn in East Aberthaw, Vale of Glamorgan. I have a pint of the local beer (as usual). It is called "Brains" - does it give you some or take them away?
From the Guardian
A quarter page article discusses the word leptokurtic. Excerpts:
"It reminded me of the first time I heard the word heteroscedasticity"
"The word leptokurtic commands some 40,000 references on Google - against a mere 1,900 for its cousin platykurtic and a paltry 547 for mesokurtic."
The article then goes on to find common language uses of the word eg skew. The final sentence is "Generations to come may, I suspect, refer to the late spring of 2009 as a leptokurtic moment.
5.15am start (!!!) to catch ferry - back to the bad old days of early starts on the boat in the Greek islands.
It is a slightly smaller ferry than first crossing. Whereas that was a crossing from North Wales to Dublin this is from Rosslare (southeast of Wexford) to Pembroke, Milford Haven Harbour, South Wales. It also took slightly longer - 4 hours. Once again a millpond.
On board I bought a 4 part dvd of the Irish Famine.
We drive across South Wales and end up in Cardiff (Caerdydd). We have ONE hour in Cardiff which is a joke and many are unhappy - especially when out nice hotel is MILES out of Cardiff. So one hour is it for Cardiff. Thanks for coming.
Hotel is Copthorne Hotel Cardiff, room 221. Very nice hotel and we had a lovely view over a small lake/large pond. I asked reception where we were and they said St Fagans/Culverhouse Cross - I will track this down when I return. 39th bed.
We have the best optional meal out of the trip. Other places could learn a thing or two from this old pub (1380!!!!!! - think about that). Thatched roof. It is the Blue Anchor Inn in East Aberthaw, Vale of Glamorgan. I have a pint of the local beer (as usual). It is called "Brains" - does it give you some or take them away?
From the Guardian
A quarter page article discusses the word leptokurtic. Excerpts:
"It reminded me of the first time I heard the word heteroscedasticity"
"The word leptokurtic commands some 40,000 references on Google - against a mere 1,900 for its cousin platykurtic and a paltry 547 for mesokurtic."
The article then goes on to find common language uses of the word eg skew. The final sentence is "Generations to come may, I suspect, refer to the late spring of 2009 as a leptokurtic moment.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday 24 June
Wednesday 24 June
Week 10! 2½ weeks to go. Beautiful sunny day – the weather in Ireland is smiling on us unlike Scotland.
Today is Tina’s birthday!! What to get her? I decided that as she was having her birthday in Ireland (Eire/Republic of Ireland) I would get her something Irish. But after a while that seemed somewhat obvious. Instead I have bought her something from each of the 4 “countries”. Don’t start sending me messages, I know that there really are only two.
Buying things has been difficult as we are together virtually all the time. I have had others running interference to distract her or I have been telling little white lies to get away from her.
The first gift is from Scotland and it is a necklace with the thistle as a hologram. But what I like about it is that it looks clear but when it moves it is blue – the same blue as her engagement ring. Bought it at great speed whilst she was in a loo.
From England comes a Beatrix Potter spoon of her favourite character, Jemima Puddleduck. This required subterfuge and hope. As I said many days back when we were in the Lake District Tina visited The World Of Beatrix Potter but this held no interest for me. But I followed her up the street, 5 minutes behind and snuck into the shop whilst she was in the exhibition. My only concern was that she would buy the same thing but I was confident as she doesn’t buy spoons. I was right.
We only had an hour in Wales and she stuck to me like glue. It wasn’t looking good until the last shop before the bus and she left me to get on it as we were running late. I bought a silver brooch with the Welsh dragon.
From Ireland she now has a pair of clear earrings each with a clover/shamrock in it and 3 brooches – two of harps and one of a shamrock. These were two separate purchases. Again, she stuck like glue and for the first I got a woman on the tour to drag her out of the shop pretending she couldn’t find the bus and needed Tina’s help. The second one was trickier. We were both is the same shop and Tina is buying gifts on one till whilst I am hiding behind a rack of clothing whispering instructions to the sales woman at a second till.
Tina seems happy – jewellery always does it.
First stop today is Blarney for the castle and kissing the stone. Steep climb up narrow and winding steps; filled with people. Crowding is good as it meant the climb was slow and didn’t hurt my achilles. Eventually you pop out at the top, make your way to the stone, lie down on your back with your top half hanging over nothing, grasp 2 rails, tilt head back and kiss the rock! There is a man helping/holding you and we have the photos to prove how silly we were. Tina talks enough now so why she wants to talk even more is frankly beyond me!
In the huge shop there I bought a lovely shirt – strange fabric and no collar. This is the fourth shirt I have purchased on tour and Tina would like you to know I have bought more clothes than she has. Tina also bought me a tie. This is the 15th tie of the trip:
- one of Shakspeare’s plays
- a Che tie and an Einstein tie
- 2 stylish Italian ties
- 2 Paris ties
- a Welsh and Irish emblem tie ie 2 ties in total
- 2 art ties from Louvre
- one with guitars on it
- 2 Beatles ties
- and this latest one with Celtic lettering
so that’s 3 school weeks of new ties. On the first day of term 3 I am wearing a Beatles shirt with my Yellow Submarine tie!
Whilst I was making these purchases there was a cool song playing. I recognised the voice of Steve Earle so found the album and bought it. It was an album by Sharon Shannon who is assisted by other artists. This is the 10th cd I have bought. The other 9 are:
- 5 Scottish pipes including the Red Hot Chilli Pipers
- 2 albums of Scottish songs including a great historical album the tour director played a couple of tracks off on the bus and I was able to find it next stop! To be fair, Tina found it whilst I was stumbling around.
- 2 other albums from Ireland: the Fureys and the Dubliners.
Before I move on I want to get slightly off the topic and say that I have come to the conclusion I like the Irish uilleann pipes more than the Scottish bagpipes. I know I have just upset my A grade bagpiping nephew in Dunedin who is reading this blog but after listening to shows in Scotland and then moving to Ireland I find the Irish pipes more melodic. Sorry Liam. But I admit the Scottish bagpipes are more dramatic and stirring going into battle.
Then it’s on to Cork for a brief drive around retelling its history; through pretty Youghal by the sea and we end up in our destination, Waterford. The crystal factory for which it is famous has gone bankrupt but the crystal museum is open. Tina is in Heaven.
The hotel is Dooley’s – on the waterfront of the River Suir. We are on the 3rd floor, room 34 and it’s my 38th bed. Big room.
Tina joined in the optional walking tour of Waterford whilst I preserved the ankles. Both are constantly sore but are not getting worse. I am hoping that I will need surgery when I return and this will mean having term 3 off to organise the photos!!! Or I could get swine flu!!! Tina returned from the tour very happy - but that might have been the local beer she had at the end of the tour.
Another woman on the tour also has a birthday today and they get a big shared birthday cake and a small food pressie for each.
Here are a couple of stories that caught my eye from today’s Irish Independent newspaper
1. Holiday makers returning to Newcastle from sunny Mallorca refused to fly on their plane after they were told to leave their assigned seats and move to the back of the plane. A jammed door to the hold meant their luggage was loaded at the front and they were told to sit at the back to balance the plane!
2. Four German pensioners have been arrested for kidnapping and torturing a financial adviser who lost over €2million of their savings. “Two of them (aged 74 and 60) hit him with a Zimmer frame” and driven 300 miles. He was tortured until he finally agreed to pay them back by selling some securities he had in Switzerland. They agreed to let him send a fax to the Swiss bank but he scribbled a plea for help on it and, after 5 days, armed commandos stormed the house. I see a great movie script in this story!
Week 10! 2½ weeks to go. Beautiful sunny day – the weather in Ireland is smiling on us unlike Scotland.
Today is Tina’s birthday!! What to get her? I decided that as she was having her birthday in Ireland (Eire/Republic of Ireland) I would get her something Irish. But after a while that seemed somewhat obvious. Instead I have bought her something from each of the 4 “countries”. Don’t start sending me messages, I know that there really are only two.
Buying things has been difficult as we are together virtually all the time. I have had others running interference to distract her or I have been telling little white lies to get away from her.
The first gift is from Scotland and it is a necklace with the thistle as a hologram. But what I like about it is that it looks clear but when it moves it is blue – the same blue as her engagement ring. Bought it at great speed whilst she was in a loo.
From England comes a Beatrix Potter spoon of her favourite character, Jemima Puddleduck. This required subterfuge and hope. As I said many days back when we were in the Lake District Tina visited The World Of Beatrix Potter but this held no interest for me. But I followed her up the street, 5 minutes behind and snuck into the shop whilst she was in the exhibition. My only concern was that she would buy the same thing but I was confident as she doesn’t buy spoons. I was right.
We only had an hour in Wales and she stuck to me like glue. It wasn’t looking good until the last shop before the bus and she left me to get on it as we were running late. I bought a silver brooch with the Welsh dragon.
From Ireland she now has a pair of clear earrings each with a clover/shamrock in it and 3 brooches – two of harps and one of a shamrock. These were two separate purchases. Again, she stuck like glue and for the first I got a woman on the tour to drag her out of the shop pretending she couldn’t find the bus and needed Tina’s help. The second one was trickier. We were both is the same shop and Tina is buying gifts on one till whilst I am hiding behind a rack of clothing whispering instructions to the sales woman at a second till.
Tina seems happy – jewellery always does it.
First stop today is Blarney for the castle and kissing the stone. Steep climb up narrow and winding steps; filled with people. Crowding is good as it meant the climb was slow and didn’t hurt my achilles. Eventually you pop out at the top, make your way to the stone, lie down on your back with your top half hanging over nothing, grasp 2 rails, tilt head back and kiss the rock! There is a man helping/holding you and we have the photos to prove how silly we were. Tina talks enough now so why she wants to talk even more is frankly beyond me!
In the huge shop there I bought a lovely shirt – strange fabric and no collar. This is the fourth shirt I have purchased on tour and Tina would like you to know I have bought more clothes than she has. Tina also bought me a tie. This is the 15th tie of the trip:
- one of Shakspeare’s plays
- a Che tie and an Einstein tie
- 2 stylish Italian ties
- 2 Paris ties
- a Welsh and Irish emblem tie ie 2 ties in total
- 2 art ties from Louvre
- one with guitars on it
- 2 Beatles ties
- and this latest one with Celtic lettering
so that’s 3 school weeks of new ties. On the first day of term 3 I am wearing a Beatles shirt with my Yellow Submarine tie!
Whilst I was making these purchases there was a cool song playing. I recognised the voice of Steve Earle so found the album and bought it. It was an album by Sharon Shannon who is assisted by other artists. This is the 10th cd I have bought. The other 9 are:
- 5 Scottish pipes including the Red Hot Chilli Pipers
- 2 albums of Scottish songs including a great historical album the tour director played a couple of tracks off on the bus and I was able to find it next stop! To be fair, Tina found it whilst I was stumbling around.
- 2 other albums from Ireland: the Fureys and the Dubliners.
Before I move on I want to get slightly off the topic and say that I have come to the conclusion I like the Irish uilleann pipes more than the Scottish bagpipes. I know I have just upset my A grade bagpiping nephew in Dunedin who is reading this blog but after listening to shows in Scotland and then moving to Ireland I find the Irish pipes more melodic. Sorry Liam. But I admit the Scottish bagpipes are more dramatic and stirring going into battle.
Then it’s on to Cork for a brief drive around retelling its history; through pretty Youghal by the sea and we end up in our destination, Waterford. The crystal factory for which it is famous has gone bankrupt but the crystal museum is open. Tina is in Heaven.
The hotel is Dooley’s – on the waterfront of the River Suir. We are on the 3rd floor, room 34 and it’s my 38th bed. Big room.
Tina joined in the optional walking tour of Waterford whilst I preserved the ankles. Both are constantly sore but are not getting worse. I am hoping that I will need surgery when I return and this will mean having term 3 off to organise the photos!!! Or I could get swine flu!!! Tina returned from the tour very happy - but that might have been the local beer she had at the end of the tour.
Another woman on the tour also has a birthday today and they get a big shared birthday cake and a small food pressie for each.
Here are a couple of stories that caught my eye from today’s Irish Independent newspaper
1. Holiday makers returning to Newcastle from sunny Mallorca refused to fly on their plane after they were told to leave their assigned seats and move to the back of the plane. A jammed door to the hold meant their luggage was loaded at the front and they were told to sit at the back to balance the plane!
2. Four German pensioners have been arrested for kidnapping and torturing a financial adviser who lost over €2million of their savings. “Two of them (aged 74 and 60) hit him with a Zimmer frame” and driven 300 miles. He was tortured until he finally agreed to pay them back by selling some securities he had in Switzerland. They agreed to let him send a fax to the Swiss bank but he scribbled a plea for help on it and, after 5 days, armed commandos stormed the house. I see a great movie script in this story!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday 23 June
Brilliant sunshine all day.
Tina gets laundry done! Finally!! Eight shirts for me etc.
This morning we go on the Ring of Kerry; anticlockwise around the Iveragh Peninsular. We see peat bogs, bog cotton and bog ponies; Dingle Bay, Daniel O’Connell’s birthplace and Valentia weather station (important as it reads oncoming weather for the British Isles). There is a break at Waterville (Ballinskelligs Bay) and photo stops of sea and lakes. Lovely scenery. It was supposed to take all day but we were happy with the morning.
Lunch and a short rest then a jaunting ride with a jarvey ie a horse and cart ride with a driver.
Tina then goes for a haircut. She has not been happy with her $NZ140 Paris cut!!!
Nice relaxing day in lovely sunshine.
Tina gets laundry done! Finally!! Eight shirts for me etc.
This morning we go on the Ring of Kerry; anticlockwise around the Iveragh Peninsular. We see peat bogs, bog cotton and bog ponies; Dingle Bay, Daniel O’Connell’s birthplace and Valentia weather station (important as it reads oncoming weather for the British Isles). There is a break at Waterville (Ballinskelligs Bay) and photo stops of sea and lakes. Lovely scenery. It was supposed to take all day but we were happy with the morning.
Lunch and a short rest then a jaunting ride with a jarvey ie a horse and cart ride with a driver.
Tina then goes for a haircut. She has not been happy with her $NZ140 Paris cut!!!
Nice relaxing day in lovely sunshine.
Monday 22 June
Lovely warm day!!!
We leave Dublin, heading southwest for the west coast. We drive through Curragh, site of the 1914 mutiny. First stop is the Irish National Stud. An impressive place and tour. We see young mothers with foals and the stallions. Top stallion is Invincible Spirit who will set you back €60,000 for 2 minutes “work”!!! But the horse that I felt sorry for was Thomas T’ Teaser. There is no way the humans can know if a mare is in heat so the mares are brought to Thomas T’ Teaser. He is in a stall; the mare is outside. Seeing a mare Thomas T’ Teaser gets interested. If the mare is in heat she will react in a certain way. If she reacts in this certain way she is whisked to do the business with a paying stallion. But think of poor old Thomas T’ Teaser. The frustration!!!
One of the amusing things in every school I have been in is to see how litter bugs the admin team. At the Irish National Stud they have signs reading “Beauty dies where litter lies”. Suggest tis phrase to your admin people and you'll be in their good books. Things like this amuse them.
Last at the Irish National Stud was the Japanese Gardens. We would have like longer in them as they were impressive. Very peaceful and beautiful.
I buy an Irish tie!
Lunch is at Cashel and we see the impressive Rock of Cashel.
The afternoon is a long drive down to Killarney. We have a group photo overlooking the lakes and go to Killarney Avenue Hotel (room 208) – 37th bed. Impressive hotel.
We go to the optional meal at Bleachfields in Milltown. It is an Irish night and Tina enjoyed it more than the last night as it as low key, locals loving their music and dance. On the way the tour director plays a cd from another Irish comedian. Here are a few I wrote down.
Murphy goes to his priest to confess. In the confession box he tells the priest about what happened during World War II.
“Father, a young woman was placed in our house and with the loss of electricity and blackouts it was very dark and I went into the wrong room. It was her room and by mistake I got into her bed and one thing led to another.”
“It is alright my son. You have confessed and you are forgiven.” Said the priest.
“Oh thank you Father. Just one more question; when do you think I should tell her the war is over?”
Patrick has died and his widow goes into the newspaper to put in a death notice. She is told it is a pound per word.
“Oh dear, that’s expensive,” she says. “Let’s make it ‘Patrick dead’. Yes, that’s two pounds.”
“No mam” says the man behind the counter. “There is a a five word minimum. Five pounds.”
“OK make it ‘Patrick dead. Volkswagen for sale’”
“It’s been a terrible day. I got up this morning and a button came off my shirt. Then my trousers split when I was putting them on. Then a shoe lace broke. I was afraid to go to the bathroom.”
Fergus was in an old people’s home. It was his birthday and his family organised a kiss-o-gram for him. She turned up in his room and had a lovely pair of … brown eyes. Fergus asked her “Who are you and why are you here?”
“I can give you super sex” she replied.
Fergus said “If it’s ok with you I’ll have the soup.”
Paddy dies and went to Heaven. He met St Peter who asked him to look after the gates to Heaven for a few minutes. St Peter told him “All a person has to do to get into Heaven is to spell the word ‘love’. L-O-V-E – that’s all.”
Paddy is sitting there when along comes his wife who has just died. She asks Paddy if she can come into Heaven. “Sure you can luv. All you need to do is spell one word – Czechoslovakia”
We leave Dublin, heading southwest for the west coast. We drive through Curragh, site of the 1914 mutiny. First stop is the Irish National Stud. An impressive place and tour. We see young mothers with foals and the stallions. Top stallion is Invincible Spirit who will set you back €60,000 for 2 minutes “work”!!! But the horse that I felt sorry for was Thomas T’ Teaser. There is no way the humans can know if a mare is in heat so the mares are brought to Thomas T’ Teaser. He is in a stall; the mare is outside. Seeing a mare Thomas T’ Teaser gets interested. If the mare is in heat she will react in a certain way. If she reacts in this certain way she is whisked to do the business with a paying stallion. But think of poor old Thomas T’ Teaser. The frustration!!!
One of the amusing things in every school I have been in is to see how litter bugs the admin team. At the Irish National Stud they have signs reading “Beauty dies where litter lies”. Suggest tis phrase to your admin people and you'll be in their good books. Things like this amuse them.
Last at the Irish National Stud was the Japanese Gardens. We would have like longer in them as they were impressive. Very peaceful and beautiful.
I buy an Irish tie!
Lunch is at Cashel and we see the impressive Rock of Cashel.
The afternoon is a long drive down to Killarney. We have a group photo overlooking the lakes and go to Killarney Avenue Hotel (room 208) – 37th bed. Impressive hotel.
We go to the optional meal at Bleachfields in Milltown. It is an Irish night and Tina enjoyed it more than the last night as it as low key, locals loving their music and dance. On the way the tour director plays a cd from another Irish comedian. Here are a few I wrote down.
Murphy goes to his priest to confess. In the confession box he tells the priest about what happened during World War II.
“Father, a young woman was placed in our house and with the loss of electricity and blackouts it was very dark and I went into the wrong room. It was her room and by mistake I got into her bed and one thing led to another.”
“It is alright my son. You have confessed and you are forgiven.” Said the priest.
“Oh thank you Father. Just one more question; when do you think I should tell her the war is over?”
Patrick has died and his widow goes into the newspaper to put in a death notice. She is told it is a pound per word.
“Oh dear, that’s expensive,” she says. “Let’s make it ‘Patrick dead’. Yes, that’s two pounds.”
“No mam” says the man behind the counter. “There is a a five word minimum. Five pounds.”
“OK make it ‘Patrick dead. Volkswagen for sale’”
“It’s been a terrible day. I got up this morning and a button came off my shirt. Then my trousers split when I was putting them on. Then a shoe lace broke. I was afraid to go to the bathroom.”
Fergus was in an old people’s home. It was his birthday and his family organised a kiss-o-gram for him. She turned up in his room and had a lovely pair of … brown eyes. Fergus asked her “Who are you and why are you here?”
“I can give you super sex” she replied.
Fergus said “If it’s ok with you I’ll have the soup.”
Paddy dies and went to Heaven. He met St Peter who asked him to look after the gates to Heaven for a few minutes. St Peter told him “All a person has to do to get into Heaven is to spell the word ‘love’. L-O-V-E – that’s all.”
Paddy is sitting there when along comes his wife who has just died. She asks Paddy if she can come into Heaven. “Sure you can luv. All you need to do is spell one word – Czechoslovakia”
Sunday 21 June
Overcast, cool but no rain. Warms up in the afternoon.
We start with an optional tour to the ancient monastic site at Glendalogh (Glenn dá loch in Irish). A lovely drive and a peaceful place to visit.
This is followed by a bus tour of Dublin and a guided tour of The Castle (not really a castle). We then have free time. Tina and I go to the Post Office – the hq of the 1916 rebellion. There are still bullet holes in the columns.
Statues to famous people all over. I am particularly impressed by the words on trade union leader Jim Larkin’s statue: “The great appear great because we are on our knees. Rise up.” Hear, hear!
At 3.42pm in Dublin Tina announces “I don’t want any more clothes!” I wonder how long this will last?
Tonight we go to an Irish dinner/cabaret in Taylors Three Rock. Impressive singers, musicians, dancers and comedian (Noel V Ginnity – been with the show over 30 years!). Here are some of his gems.
One liner: When you buy a cured ham do you ever wonder what was wrong with it?
Sean’s young son was asking his dad questions, “Dad, was I with you on your honeymoon?
Sean replies “You went with me, son, but you came home with your mother”
Paddy goes into the grocery store and buys a small can of peas, 2 potatoes, 1 carrot, 4 brussel sprouts and 1 chop. He takes his items to the girl behind the counter. She says “I see you live alone.”
Paddy says “I bet you worked that out because of the small quantities I bought”
“No”, she said “It’s because you’re ugly”
Murphy decides to swim from Dublin to Liverpool return. The Dublin to Liverpool leg takes him 15 hours, 26 minutes and 14 seconds. The Liverpool to Dublin return swim takes him 3 minutes and 26 seconds. His jockstrap was still attached to Dublin pier.
Casey goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor tells him that it’s bad news – Casey only has 2 or 3 months to live.
“Sweet Jesus doc” says Casey, “Is there anywhere I can go, anything I can do, anyone I can see to help me?”
“No” says the doctor, “but you could start taking mud baths.”
“Will that help me?” asks Casey.
“No, but it will get you used to the dirt.”
We start with an optional tour to the ancient monastic site at Glendalogh (Glenn dá loch in Irish). A lovely drive and a peaceful place to visit.
This is followed by a bus tour of Dublin and a guided tour of The Castle (not really a castle). We then have free time. Tina and I go to the Post Office – the hq of the 1916 rebellion. There are still bullet holes in the columns.
Statues to famous people all over. I am particularly impressed by the words on trade union leader Jim Larkin’s statue: “The great appear great because we are on our knees. Rise up.” Hear, hear!
At 3.42pm in Dublin Tina announces “I don’t want any more clothes!” I wonder how long this will last?
Tonight we go to an Irish dinner/cabaret in Taylors Three Rock. Impressive singers, musicians, dancers and comedian (Noel V Ginnity – been with the show over 30 years!). Here are some of his gems.
One liner: When you buy a cured ham do you ever wonder what was wrong with it?
Sean’s young son was asking his dad questions, “Dad, was I with you on your honeymoon?
Sean replies “You went with me, son, but you came home with your mother”
Paddy goes into the grocery store and buys a small can of peas, 2 potatoes, 1 carrot, 4 brussel sprouts and 1 chop. He takes his items to the girl behind the counter. She says “I see you live alone.”
Paddy says “I bet you worked that out because of the small quantities I bought”
“No”, she said “It’s because you’re ugly”
Murphy decides to swim from Dublin to Liverpool return. The Dublin to Liverpool leg takes him 15 hours, 26 minutes and 14 seconds. The Liverpool to Dublin return swim takes him 3 minutes and 26 seconds. His jockstrap was still attached to Dublin pier.
Casey goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor tells him that it’s bad news – Casey only has 2 or 3 months to live.
“Sweet Jesus doc” says Casey, “Is there anywhere I can go, anything I can do, anyone I can see to help me?”
“No” says the doctor, “but you could start taking mud baths.”
“Will that help me?” asks Casey.
“No, but it will get you used to the dirt.”
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Saturday 20 June
Before I start, here are 3 “What links” from today’s Guardian. Answers are at end although I think you will get them all.
1. New Order; Mamas & Papas; Bangles; Boomtown Rats
2. UK; France; Spain; Algeria; Mali; Burkino Faso; Togo; Ghana
3. Waterloo victor; first Indian prime minister; led the charge of the Light Brigade
Three countries today! Breakfast in England, lunch in Wales and dinner in Eire/Republic of Ireland!
Awake and get on bus to more grotty weather but the day gets nicer every minute. Chilly (for summer) but the rain stops and sun breaks through.
Short drive into Chester and a guided walk around the walls. Very interesting although insufficient free time for Tina to explore the cathedral.
Into Wales and lunch stop at Conwy (sic). Lovely little place with a great looking castle but not enough time to both eat lunch and explore it. A bought a bright red dragon Welsh tie!
The Welsh for litter is ysbwriel. Now you know. But how do you pronounce it?
Brief stop to take a photo of the rail sign at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch and then on to Holyhead to catch the Irish Ferry Ulysses to Dublin. Millpond crossing of about 3½ hours on a uncrowded ship and watch the first rugby test between South Africa and the Lions followed by highlights of the 2nd test between the All Blacks and France. Where were McCaw and Carter? And the Caketin looked half empty.
Dinner is at The Old Punchbowl on Dublin Bay where we have a delicious and filling Irish Stew.
End up at The Burlington – flash and popular hotel. Tina really likes our room. Room 723 ie high up. Free internet. Tina does washing but there will be no laundry as tomorrow is Sunday. This is a familiar story.
On the ferry over I bought a Guardian. Here are some gems:
1. Headline: “No one talks nonsense like a historian”. Oh dear.
2. Today is Father’s Day in England. There is an article about the dubious marketing/lack of sensitivity two retail chains have shown in promoting a new book on Josef Fritzl – the guy who imprisoned his daughter for 24 years in his cellar, repeatedly raped her, fathering 7 children. One chain displayed the title as one of its “Top 50 Books for Dad”!!! declaring “Fathers are heroes”!!!!!!! The other chain said the book would be suitable symbol of father-offspring love!
3. Twitter jokes “I’m so shitty with Greek mythology. What was Herpes the god of again?”; “I was in a limbo competition and the music started ‘How low can you go?’ I said I once stole a dialysis machine.”; “My mum only sees the positive in people which ultimately cost her her job as an HIV tester; “I’m a bit thick. I used to think a mongoose was a swan with special needs ... I thought it had eiderdown syndrome”; “I’m 20 hours into my sponsored semaphore marathon; unfortunately I’m starting to flag quite badly”.
Answers to “What links”
1. Mondays – Blue M; M M; Manic M; I Don’t Like M
2. Prime meridian passes through them
3.Items of clothing – Wellington boots; Nehru jacket; cardigan
1. New Order; Mamas & Papas; Bangles; Boomtown Rats
2. UK; France; Spain; Algeria; Mali; Burkino Faso; Togo; Ghana
3. Waterloo victor; first Indian prime minister; led the charge of the Light Brigade
Three countries today! Breakfast in England, lunch in Wales and dinner in Eire/Republic of Ireland!
Awake and get on bus to more grotty weather but the day gets nicer every minute. Chilly (for summer) but the rain stops and sun breaks through.
Short drive into Chester and a guided walk around the walls. Very interesting although insufficient free time for Tina to explore the cathedral.
Into Wales and lunch stop at Conwy (sic). Lovely little place with a great looking castle but not enough time to both eat lunch and explore it. A bought a bright red dragon Welsh tie!
The Welsh for litter is ysbwriel. Now you know. But how do you pronounce it?
Brief stop to take a photo of the rail sign at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch and then on to Holyhead to catch the Irish Ferry Ulysses to Dublin. Millpond crossing of about 3½ hours on a uncrowded ship and watch the first rugby test between South Africa and the Lions followed by highlights of the 2nd test between the All Blacks and France. Where were McCaw and Carter? And the Caketin looked half empty.
Dinner is at The Old Punchbowl on Dublin Bay where we have a delicious and filling Irish Stew.
End up at The Burlington – flash and popular hotel. Tina really likes our room. Room 723 ie high up. Free internet. Tina does washing but there will be no laundry as tomorrow is Sunday. This is a familiar story.
On the ferry over I bought a Guardian. Here are some gems:
1. Headline: “No one talks nonsense like a historian”. Oh dear.
2. Today is Father’s Day in England. There is an article about the dubious marketing/lack of sensitivity two retail chains have shown in promoting a new book on Josef Fritzl – the guy who imprisoned his daughter for 24 years in his cellar, repeatedly raped her, fathering 7 children. One chain displayed the title as one of its “Top 50 Books for Dad”!!! declaring “Fathers are heroes”!!!!!!! The other chain said the book would be suitable symbol of father-offspring love!
3. Twitter jokes “I’m so shitty with Greek mythology. What was Herpes the god of again?”; “I was in a limbo competition and the music started ‘How low can you go?’ I said I once stole a dialysis machine.”; “My mum only sees the positive in people which ultimately cost her her job as an HIV tester; “I’m a bit thick. I used to think a mongoose was a swan with special needs ... I thought it had eiderdown syndrome”; “I’m 20 hours into my sponsored semaphore marathon; unfortunately I’m starting to flag quite badly”.
Answers to “What links”
1. Mondays – Blue M; M M; Manic M; I Don’t Like M
2. Prime meridian passes through them
3.Items of clothing – Wellington boots; Nehru jacket; cardigan
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Friday 19 June
We start the day at Grasmere (sic) - where Wordsworth lived and died. Visit his grave and Tina falls in love with Beatrix Potter shop.
On the way the tour director recites Wordsworth’s “Daffodils” and then this poem, written by his cat. Enjoy.
Cottontails
By William Wordsworth’s Cat
I wandered hungry as a hawk
That floats on high o’er hills and dales
When all at once I stopped to stalk
A clutch of little cottontails.
Beside the lake, among the reeds
Quavering and squealing in the woods.
As featherbrained as the bugs that land
And dally in my dinner bowl
They clung together in a band
Around the bottom of a hole.
A dozen saw I at a glance
Frozen with fear in terror’s trance.
And though they did not dance or play
But simply sat and stared at me
A kitten could not be but gay
In such delicious company.
I ate … and ate … the whole sweet pack
Oh, what a tasty rabbit snack!
And oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood
They flash upon that inward eye
That conjures up a favourite food.
And then into a ball I scrunch
And dream about that bunny lunch.
Evidently there is a book of poems, written by the cats of famous poems. Does anyone have it, know of it? I know two people (Tina and Helen) who would love to read it!
See the smallest house in Britain at Ambleside.
Go to Bowness where Tina powers away to visit The World Of Beatrix Potter - comes back euphoric! I have lunch and the wine list is interesting. It lists French wines (reds and whites). It then lists Italian wines (reds and whites). The last category is “New World” which is NZ, Australia, South Africa, California ad Chile!
We have a cruise on Lake Windermere in the Teal. It stops raining! Still a very cold wind but the views are lovely.
When we land we go on an old steam train ride. Very excellent optional excursion.
Leave Lake District and go down to the outskirts of Warrington to a good hotel (35th bed) in Daresbury Park (room 128) - a business park. Nothing to do but with free internet who cares!
Musing: why are virtually all the waiters/waitresses East European?
On the way the tour director recites Wordsworth’s “Daffodils” and then this poem, written by his cat. Enjoy.
Cottontails
By William Wordsworth’s Cat
I wandered hungry as a hawk
That floats on high o’er hills and dales
When all at once I stopped to stalk
A clutch of little cottontails.
Beside the lake, among the reeds
Quavering and squealing in the woods.
As featherbrained as the bugs that land
And dally in my dinner bowl
They clung together in a band
Around the bottom of a hole.
A dozen saw I at a glance
Frozen with fear in terror’s trance.
And though they did not dance or play
But simply sat and stared at me
A kitten could not be but gay
In such delicious company.
I ate … and ate … the whole sweet pack
Oh, what a tasty rabbit snack!
And oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood
They flash upon that inward eye
That conjures up a favourite food.
And then into a ball I scrunch
And dream about that bunny lunch.
Evidently there is a book of poems, written by the cats of famous poems. Does anyone have it, know of it? I know two people (Tina and Helen) who would love to read it!
See the smallest house in Britain at Ambleside.
Go to Bowness where Tina powers away to visit The World Of Beatrix Potter - comes back euphoric! I have lunch and the wine list is interesting. It lists French wines (reds and whites). It then lists Italian wines (reds and whites). The last category is “New World” which is NZ, Australia, South Africa, California ad Chile!
We have a cruise on Lake Windermere in the Teal. It stops raining! Still a very cold wind but the views are lovely.
When we land we go on an old steam train ride. Very excellent optional excursion.
Leave Lake District and go down to the outskirts of Warrington to a good hotel (35th bed) in Daresbury Park (room 128) - a business park. Nothing to do but with free internet who cares!
Musing: why are virtually all the waiters/waitresses East European?
Thursday 18 June
Very heavy rain and cold. This is meant to be summer!
Porridge for breakfast! Cold and wet with porridge – it must be Scotland!
We have gone the furthest north we will go.
There are stops along the way for photos as we head to west coast eg Laggan Dam and Fort William. We see wild highland moors. In Fort William the litter bins are bilingual. The Gaelic for litter is sgudal.
We go for a cruise on Loch Lomond but the views are spoilt by heavy rain and Scotch mist.
Long drive with sunshine in Moffat.
Back in England and into the Lake District where Tina was conceived!!!
Stop at Windermere Hydro Hotel (room 26). We have a fantastic view down the largest lake in England.
Porridge for breakfast! Cold and wet with porridge – it must be Scotland!
We have gone the furthest north we will go.
There are stops along the way for photos as we head to west coast eg Laggan Dam and Fort William. We see wild highland moors. In Fort William the litter bins are bilingual. The Gaelic for litter is sgudal.
We go for a cruise on Loch Lomond but the views are spoilt by heavy rain and Scotch mist.
Long drive with sunshine in Moffat.
Back in England and into the Lake District where Tina was conceived!!!
Stop at Windermere Hydro Hotel (room 26). We have a fantastic view down the largest lake in England.
Wednesday 17 June
Week 9! Three quarters the way through!!
Heavy rain until late afternoon.
A long driving day today, leaving Edinburgh and head north into the Highlands.
First stop is St Andrews. Visit the old cathedral and Royal St Andrews Golf Course. It is pouring with rain but the golfers are out. No wonder as you have to book a year in advance – and you are only told the day you will play, not the time! A round costs up to £200 on the Old Course and no hackers are allowed; you need a 24 handicap. We have a cup of tea. I roder Cranberry, Raspberry and Elderflower tea. The waiter looks startled and asks me if I really want 3 cups of tea! I patiently explain the menu to him. When he returns with it he say “Here is your multi fruited tea”. My tablemat is the 13th hole of Muirfield Golf Course.
We drive by an RAF (Royal Air Force) base with lots of planes. Next to the base is a small village which has a restaurant with RIF in huge letters – REAL INDIAN FOOD!!!
The Highlands has rougher country with less farmland.
We go through Birnam Gap and into MacBeth country.
Stop at Pitlochry and I have cock-a-leekie soup.
Stop at Edradour Distillery - the smallest in Scotland. Tasting, see the process. First time on trip we didn't buy anything. V heavy rain.
Visit Blair Castle (which isn't a castle now – a Georgian mansion). Also known as Atholl Estate and Blair Atholl. They have the only private army in Europe – awarded to them by Queen Victoria. Huge display of weapons. The current Duke is a South African!
Sunshine!
Highlander Hotel in Newtonmore - an isolated little village in Highlands. By luck we got one of the few nice rooms (208). There are many complaints about the rooms but we stay quiet. They have an 18 year old cat and the owner/manager is known as The Dragon. I found her charming! Haggis was on the menu for dinner and we had a little bit along with the tatties and neeps.
Bed number 33 (one less for Tina).
Heavy rain until late afternoon.
A long driving day today, leaving Edinburgh and head north into the Highlands.
First stop is St Andrews. Visit the old cathedral and Royal St Andrews Golf Course. It is pouring with rain but the golfers are out. No wonder as you have to book a year in advance – and you are only told the day you will play, not the time! A round costs up to £200 on the Old Course and no hackers are allowed; you need a 24 handicap. We have a cup of tea. I roder Cranberry, Raspberry and Elderflower tea. The waiter looks startled and asks me if I really want 3 cups of tea! I patiently explain the menu to him. When he returns with it he say “Here is your multi fruited tea”. My tablemat is the 13th hole of Muirfield Golf Course.
We drive by an RAF (Royal Air Force) base with lots of planes. Next to the base is a small village which has a restaurant with RIF in huge letters – REAL INDIAN FOOD!!!
The Highlands has rougher country with less farmland.
We go through Birnam Gap and into MacBeth country.
Stop at Pitlochry and I have cock-a-leekie soup.
Stop at Edradour Distillery - the smallest in Scotland. Tasting, see the process. First time on trip we didn't buy anything. V heavy rain.
Visit Blair Castle (which isn't a castle now – a Georgian mansion). Also known as Atholl Estate and Blair Atholl. They have the only private army in Europe – awarded to them by Queen Victoria. Huge display of weapons. The current Duke is a South African!
Sunshine!
Highlander Hotel in Newtonmore - an isolated little village in Highlands. By luck we got one of the few nice rooms (208). There are many complaints about the rooms but we stay quiet. They have an 18 year old cat and the owner/manager is known as The Dragon. I found her charming! Haggis was on the menu for dinner and we had a little bit along with the tatties and neeps.
Bed number 33 (one less for Tina).
Tuesday 16 June
We go and see the hotel management because 1. the shower head is broken so water just runs straight down and 2. all night, every second there is a motor going thump, thump, thump, thump …. (2 thumps a second). It turns out we are beside their beer cellar. We are offered a new room, accept and go back to pack. When we ring reception for help to move we are told the room won’t be available until current guests move out and it is cleaned. But we have to go on our day’s activities and Tina has undies hanging up. The hotel offers to move these but TINA SAYS NO!!!! There is no way Tina is going to let that happen! So we stay in our room. The shower is fixed by the time we get back. Interestingly, to fix the shower head the repair man would have had to go into the bath where Tina had her undies hanging!!!!!!!!!
We start with an excellent bus tour of Edinburgh to get orientated (well, some of us do – keep reading) with a great guide and good photo stops. The tour includes Edinburgh Castle and ends at the top of the Castle. We are now free for the rest of the day. Tina leaves with others to go on an optional tour of Britannia. She loved the tour and managed to help ring a fire alarm when two women pressed a button thinking they were ringing for a cup of tea … and then she commits the greatest sin – being late for the bus.
Meanwhile I am exploring Edinburgh Castle in depth.
I then go to the grave of the wee dog, Greyfriars Bobby. Goodness knows how many times I read the story and I have saw the movie as a wee lad.
I then go to The Last Drop pub for lunch. The Last Drop is where criminals were hung (the last drop!). They have haggis on the menu with tatties (potatoes) and neeps (turnips) which I pass on but I do have a hot whisky toddy (cloves, lemon, cinnamon) as it is raining heavily and is cold.
I now make an error. I decide to be nice (that’s the error!) and try to meet up with Tina. There are things I want to do and we have decided to go our separate ways but, to repeat, I am a nice, devoted husband. BIG MISTAKE.
Tina says she is on her way. I wait and wait. An hour goes by (remember I want to do things). More texts. We decide to meet on the George IV bridge. I go there and I wait and wait. Another half hour goes by. Tina cannot find George IV bridge. A local tells me to get a new wife!!!
Finally, contact is made and the plans to see Hollyrood are gone. Walk the Royal Mile, take photos of the area.
We go to the optional dinner. Lovely walk around the gardens. Go to the school that is Hogworts in the Potter movies.
Meal average although desert was very pretty and delicious. Cranachan. Imagine a cup cake but instead of a paper cup the shells is hard chocolate. Inside is a beautiful moose, raspberries and whisky.
We start with an excellent bus tour of Edinburgh to get orientated (well, some of us do – keep reading) with a great guide and good photo stops. The tour includes Edinburgh Castle and ends at the top of the Castle. We are now free for the rest of the day. Tina leaves with others to go on an optional tour of Britannia. She loved the tour and managed to help ring a fire alarm when two women pressed a button thinking they were ringing for a cup of tea … and then she commits the greatest sin – being late for the bus.
Meanwhile I am exploring Edinburgh Castle in depth.
I then go to the grave of the wee dog, Greyfriars Bobby. Goodness knows how many times I read the story and I have saw the movie as a wee lad.
I then go to The Last Drop pub for lunch. The Last Drop is where criminals were hung (the last drop!). They have haggis on the menu with tatties (potatoes) and neeps (turnips) which I pass on but I do have a hot whisky toddy (cloves, lemon, cinnamon) as it is raining heavily and is cold.
I now make an error. I decide to be nice (that’s the error!) and try to meet up with Tina. There are things I want to do and we have decided to go our separate ways but, to repeat, I am a nice, devoted husband. BIG MISTAKE.
Tina says she is on her way. I wait and wait. An hour goes by (remember I want to do things). More texts. We decide to meet on the George IV bridge. I go there and I wait and wait. Another half hour goes by. Tina cannot find George IV bridge. A local tells me to get a new wife!!!
Finally, contact is made and the plans to see Hollyrood are gone. Walk the Royal Mile, take photos of the area.
We go to the optional dinner. Lovely walk around the gardens. Go to the school that is Hogworts in the Potter movies.
Meal average although desert was very pretty and delicious. Cranachan. Imagine a cup cake but instead of a paper cup the shells is hard chocolate. Inside is a beautiful moose, raspberries and whisky.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Monday 15 June
The day starts with rain and then clears before our first stop at Durham where we stroll around and visit the Cathedral. Tina revels in the tomb of Bede and Cuthbert – she read Bede at uni. I buy two more ties.
Drove past The Angel Of The North as we headed north and saw a truck with this message in large letters on its back: “Do You Love Your Bum?” The truck was carrying toilet paper.
A brief stop at Heddon on the Wall to see a section of Hadrian’s Wall.
The road from this place to lunch has the nickname of The Roller Coaster – up, down, up, down … The countryside of Northumberland Moors is beautiful: stone buildings/houses/fences, green, rolling hills and shaggy sheep with black faces (Scottish Black Face). Lovely village names eg Kirkwhelpington, Newbigging.
Lunch was at Otterburn Mill – in a small village. Home cooking – I had a plate of mince with dumpling! As we are eating thunder and lightning strikes along with heavy rain and this stays with us for the rest of the day.
We pass from England into Scotland and I take a photo at Carter Bar in the pouring rain. Some things just have to be.
Pouring with rain so just a quick photo at Jedburgh Abbey and drive past the house Mary Queen of Scots lived in. Tour director organises a quick shop and whisky tasting to get us out of the bus and to a loo. I buy 2 cds of Scottish music! That’s it for my heritage.
On the way into Edinburgh we drive past Dun Law windfarm – nostalgia for Palmie!
We have two nights in The Royal Terrace Hotel in Edinburgh. We draw the short straw and get an underground room – titled a “Patio” room – still looking for the patio. We are on floor -1! Room 014.
We don’t join in the group dinner tonight. Tired and we have done all the Scottish things before. Two items from the menu are interesting:
“Creamed clap shot soup” – I have no idea what this is
“rumbledethumps – the Scottish version of Bubble and Squeak (combination of boiled potatoes and boiled cabbage)”
Drove past The Angel Of The North as we headed north and saw a truck with this message in large letters on its back: “Do You Love Your Bum?” The truck was carrying toilet paper.
A brief stop at Heddon on the Wall to see a section of Hadrian’s Wall.
The road from this place to lunch has the nickname of The Roller Coaster – up, down, up, down … The countryside of Northumberland Moors is beautiful: stone buildings/houses/fences, green, rolling hills and shaggy sheep with black faces (Scottish Black Face). Lovely village names eg Kirkwhelpington, Newbigging.
Lunch was at Otterburn Mill – in a small village. Home cooking – I had a plate of mince with dumpling! As we are eating thunder and lightning strikes along with heavy rain and this stays with us for the rest of the day.
We pass from England into Scotland and I take a photo at Carter Bar in the pouring rain. Some things just have to be.
Pouring with rain so just a quick photo at Jedburgh Abbey and drive past the house Mary Queen of Scots lived in. Tour director organises a quick shop and whisky tasting to get us out of the bus and to a loo. I buy 2 cds of Scottish music! That’s it for my heritage.
On the way into Edinburgh we drive past Dun Law windfarm – nostalgia for Palmie!
We have two nights in The Royal Terrace Hotel in Edinburgh. We draw the short straw and get an underground room – titled a “Patio” room – still looking for the patio. We are on floor -1! Room 014.
We don’t join in the group dinner tonight. Tired and we have done all the Scottish things before. Two items from the menu are interesting:
“Creamed clap shot soup” – I have no idea what this is
“rumbledethumps – the Scottish version of Bubble and Squeak (combination of boiled potatoes and boiled cabbage)”
Monday, June 15, 2009
Sunday 14 June
Tired - Helen sent text at 3am and alarm had to be set for 5.45am as we are back into touring mode - start of 13 day British Isles tour.
Good breakfast.
We all turn up at 7.30am as we were told to but nothing happens. So many different tour groups milling around. Two Insight groups so potential for confusion is high.
Tour director eventually turns up - sometime around 8.20. Hair dripping - was it sweat or just out of the shower??? Full of apologies but no explanation. He does have a dry sense of humour and is knowledgeable.
Leave London. Nervous about whether suitcases are on bus. Drive through lovely scenery. We leave the motorway at Banbury (Banbury Cross). We see thatched roofs as we drive through the Cotswolds.
First stop is Stratford-Upon-Avon. Drive around to get the layout. Park bus and go to birthplace of Shakespeare (as the tour director says “There can be few men who have caused so much misery to so many” Tina shuddered!). Excellent visit and I buy a Bill tie. We go down to the river to see barges on river/canal and statue of Bill.
I see a guy wearing this cool t-shirt: Sex, Drugs and Sausage Rolls.
Drive to York. Lunch at average motorway rest stop. I have a crappy Wimpy burger.
Go to hotel in York (Hotel 53, room 301). Given strict instructions by tour director not to go to rooms or wander away etc etc and then watch in frustration as time slips away as he is doing admin stuff that he should have been done this morning - had he been there to do it. Happy to see suitcases unloaded. Two couples we have dinner with later that evening are just as angry with the tour director and have no confidence in him. Tina predicts disorganisation.
Tour director takes us on a walk of York. Very interesting eg the Shambles and York Cathedral. Free time. We go into York Cathedral and Tina pays to go into it properly. Absolutely stunning is her comment.
When she comes out we have late afternoon tea at the famous Bettys - a traditional tea house where the waitresses wear long black skirts with white blouses (“no short-cuts, no microwaves”; “mobile phone free”). We have their blend of tea and share a Warm Yorkshire Fat Rascal – “a large plump fruity scone made with citrus peel, almonds and cherries; warmed, with butter.”
Good group meal in hotel. Very tired.
Good breakfast.
We all turn up at 7.30am as we were told to but nothing happens. So many different tour groups milling around. Two Insight groups so potential for confusion is high.
Tour director eventually turns up - sometime around 8.20. Hair dripping - was it sweat or just out of the shower??? Full of apologies but no explanation. He does have a dry sense of humour and is knowledgeable.
Leave London. Nervous about whether suitcases are on bus. Drive through lovely scenery. We leave the motorway at Banbury (Banbury Cross). We see thatched roofs as we drive through the Cotswolds.
First stop is Stratford-Upon-Avon. Drive around to get the layout. Park bus and go to birthplace of Shakespeare (as the tour director says “There can be few men who have caused so much misery to so many” Tina shuddered!). Excellent visit and I buy a Bill tie. We go down to the river to see barges on river/canal and statue of Bill.
I see a guy wearing this cool t-shirt: Sex, Drugs and Sausage Rolls.
Drive to York. Lunch at average motorway rest stop. I have a crappy Wimpy burger.
Go to hotel in York (Hotel 53, room 301). Given strict instructions by tour director not to go to rooms or wander away etc etc and then watch in frustration as time slips away as he is doing admin stuff that he should have been done this morning - had he been there to do it. Happy to see suitcases unloaded. Two couples we have dinner with later that evening are just as angry with the tour director and have no confidence in him. Tina predicts disorganisation.
Tour director takes us on a walk of York. Very interesting eg the Shambles and York Cathedral. Free time. We go into York Cathedral and Tina pays to go into it properly. Absolutely stunning is her comment.
When she comes out we have late afternoon tea at the famous Bettys - a traditional tea house where the waitresses wear long black skirts with white blouses (“no short-cuts, no microwaves”; “mobile phone free”). We have their blend of tea and share a Warm Yorkshire Fat Rascal – “a large plump fruity scone made with citrus peel, almonds and cherries; warmed, with butter.”
Good group meal in hotel. Very tired.
Saturday 13 June
We take a taxi from our hotel to the railway station and burst out laughing when we see how close it was – less than a kilometre. It looked longer on the map and the suitcases are heavy. The driver says it we are not the only ones who have done this – he was probably just being kind. The weather is hot which makes the following station announcement odd “This is a safety announcement. Due to today’s wet weather, surfaces may be slippery. Please take extra care.” Go figure.
Train trip from Liverpool to London – a pleasant trip and only a couple of hours although we travelled backwards which was odd. A Virgin train, modern carriage. What was very strange was that our tickets were NEVER checked. We could have saved £130!!!!!!!
Did not like Euston Station - antiquated and not passenger friendly.
Went to hotel (Thistle Marble Arch) - problem with room (2 single beds) so got it changed to room 282. A lovely room but the worst view so far.
Musings on hotel soaps. This hotel's are called White Tea. Yesterdays were Fresh Lettuce. Who thinks this stuff up?
We book a West End show – STOMP. I have always wanted to see it and missed out twice when they were in NZ. Tina feels the same. There were some awesome musicals on eg Priscilla, Phantom, Mamma Mia and Sister Act has just opened to good reviews. Then there is The Mousetrap – it’s been going 57 years so must be doing something right!
Went to Hyde Park - hired deck chairs and relaxed in the shade of a tree. Tina took the long walk to find Princess Di Memorial.
Tina got 3 tops on Oxford St.
Nice meal in hotel.
Death defying taxi trip to STOMP which is at Ambassadors theatre. Tickets £60 each. Get there early and saunter. The area is crowded with theatre goers and it’s fun to stand on a street corner and just look. We both loved the show. It was everything we wanted/expected (dance, rhythm and co-ordination) PLUS it was so funny with great audience interaction and involvement. The stage is a pile of “junk” and items included:
brooms – ordinary household ones
matchboxes – my favourite; amazing what can be done shaking a box of matches whilst drumming/tapping on them at the same time
cigarette lighters with all the lights turned out
newspapers – just turning pages was so rhythmical
kitchen rubbish bin and small brush and pan
a bag of rubbish items eg supermarket plastic bags
rubber hoses of varying lengths and widths
and, of course, their high flying act.
Then a lovely tricycle ride back to the hotel (as we had in Paris) on a mild night.
Two recent news items:
A man comes out of a shop, still getting organised (fumbling with his purchase and change). He drops a £10 note. This is noticed by the police who alert him. He picks it up and thanks them. The police then give him a £50 fine for littering!!!
A convicted woman turns up to do her community service sentence in killer high heals (what did she think she would be doing?). She is turned away on health and safety grounds. She refuses to change shoes and is given an alternative sentence – a curfew. She is in the media claiming to be a victim!
Train trip from Liverpool to London – a pleasant trip and only a couple of hours although we travelled backwards which was odd. A Virgin train, modern carriage. What was very strange was that our tickets were NEVER checked. We could have saved £130!!!!!!!
Did not like Euston Station - antiquated and not passenger friendly.
Went to hotel (Thistle Marble Arch) - problem with room (2 single beds) so got it changed to room 282. A lovely room but the worst view so far.
Musings on hotel soaps. This hotel's are called White Tea. Yesterdays were Fresh Lettuce. Who thinks this stuff up?
We book a West End show – STOMP. I have always wanted to see it and missed out twice when they were in NZ. Tina feels the same. There were some awesome musicals on eg Priscilla, Phantom, Mamma Mia and Sister Act has just opened to good reviews. Then there is The Mousetrap – it’s been going 57 years so must be doing something right!
Went to Hyde Park - hired deck chairs and relaxed in the shade of a tree. Tina took the long walk to find Princess Di Memorial.
Tina got 3 tops on Oxford St.
Nice meal in hotel.
Death defying taxi trip to STOMP which is at Ambassadors theatre. Tickets £60 each. Get there early and saunter. The area is crowded with theatre goers and it’s fun to stand on a street corner and just look. We both loved the show. It was everything we wanted/expected (dance, rhythm and co-ordination) PLUS it was so funny with great audience interaction and involvement. The stage is a pile of “junk” and items included:
brooms – ordinary household ones
matchboxes – my favourite; amazing what can be done shaking a box of matches whilst drumming/tapping on them at the same time
cigarette lighters with all the lights turned out
newspapers – just turning pages was so rhythmical
kitchen rubbish bin and small brush and pan
a bag of rubbish items eg supermarket plastic bags
rubber hoses of varying lengths and widths
and, of course, their high flying act.
Then a lovely tricycle ride back to the hotel (as we had in Paris) on a mild night.
Two recent news items:
A man comes out of a shop, still getting organised (fumbling with his purchase and change). He drops a £10 note. This is noticed by the police who alert him. He picks it up and thanks them. The police then give him a £50 fine for littering!!!
A convicted woman turns up to do her community service sentence in killer high heals (what did she think she would be doing?). She is turned away on health and safety grounds. She refuses to change shoes and is given an alternative sentence – a curfew. She is in the media claiming to be a victim!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Friday 12 June

A busy day!
We leave Uncle Tom's and Aunty Margaret's just before 9am. First stop is the post office where we send an 81/2kg box home for 100pounds!
We cross to Liverpool under the river via the tunnel. First stop is the hotel (Sir Thomas) where we get a park right outside. We drop our luggage off. Decide to leave the car parked and grab a taxi down to the Albert Dock and we quickly do the Maritime Museum and International Slavery Museum. Both excellent but time is tight. Tina bought two placements, one called Tina which says "From the Greek word for annointed. She is a bundle of energy, good fun and can turn her hand to anything. A lady of many talents." The other is Martin and reads "From the Latin meaning warlike. He is a serious person of strong principles and is always faithful in love. A born leader who does not suffer fools."
Saw The Yellow Duckmarine launch itself. This is a vehicle that gives you a road tour around Liverpool and then throws itself into the water to take you around docks. Looks fun but we have no time.
Grab a taxi back to the car, grab a quick bite to eat and drive to Anfield, home of Liverpool Football Club. We park (still unsure if we parked legally but we got away with it) and take the tour as well as looking around the museum. On the tour were two groups who made it difficult. Firstly a group of Spanish young men of doubtful sobriety. They were out for a good time and were noisy at the start. The other interesting group were a large group of Asians who slowed everything down as they took masses of photos everywhere.
Drove the car back to the Hertz depot and on the way to the hotel by taxi we see this odd sculpture. In The Sir Thomas Hotel (room 207) Tina settles in to watch the tennis. I backtrack to find and photograph the sculpture.
On the way I stumble across this amazing building. It is run down, a mess, seems deserted but as I walk past something catches my eye. I watch in amazement as a circular part of the wall and windows comes out from the rest of the building, rotates and returns to the building. Absolutely amazing. I stand transfixed and watch it over and over - I couldn't believe what I had seen. Later I was reading a magazine in the hotel and discovered it was a work of art from the 2008 Liverpool's year as European Capital of Culture. It is by Richard Wilson and is titled "Turning The Place Over" which is a great title. Go to YouTube and put his name and the title of the work as you will see the amazing site I saw. You won't regret it.
And then finally to the Superlambanana - a truly hideous sculpture of a bright yellow sort-of lamb shaped like a banana. Done by a Japanese artist. The photo you see is off the net. I have tried to upload my photos but it has not worked so found this one on line. Maybe mine are too big?
On the way back I see this depressing Victorian building so start snapping away. Keep waling and then see that I am outside a prison!
Tina and I head for Mathew Street - where the Beatles started; home of The Cavern. We go into the Hard Days Night Hotel - invited in by the doorman, the famous pubs (The Grapes), shops (Tina buys a Beatles t-shirt and I buy THREE Beatles shirts). Lots of other photos:John Lennon statue, Wall of Fame, Four Lads Who Shook The World statue, Eleanor Rigby statue. Great fun.
Lastly, across the road for a meal at The Slug And Lettuce. We had seen it earlier as the name seemed so strange for a restaurant. Great looking menu and we decided to start with the Ultimate Slug Platter. Luckily we didn't order anything else as it was huge. Everything (spare ribs, breast chicken, fried veges, onion rungs, garlic bread and yummy dips) was perfectly cooked. We were so full and couldn't eat another thing.
Finally, here is a funny story. Uncle Tom and Aunty Margaret have two books of the experiences of an English and Drama Inspector. Here is one of them. You need to read it with a broad English accent.
A vicar is invited to speak to a class of young children.
"This is a very special time of the year children." he said jovially addressing the infants who stared up at him with open mouths. "Can anyone tell me what it is?"
"Christmas" volunteered a small wiry boy who began waving his hand. "It's Christmas."
"It is indeed" agreed the vicar smiling beatifically. "It's Christmas and a very, very special time of year."
"I'm gerrin a bike," the boy told him.
"I'm gerrin a doll what can wet 'er nappy an' talk," added a girl with a large moon face and hair in untidy bunches.
All the children shouted out what pressies they were hoping to receive from Father Christmas,
"I'm gerrin a remote controlled car."
"I'm gerrin a train set."
"I'm gerrin a ..."
"Children! Children!" explained the vicar, "Christmas is not just about presents. It's really a celebration of a birthday. It's about the birth of a very special baby."
"I know what it were called." said the small wiry boy.
The vicar interlaced his long fingers and smiled, "I'm very glad to hear it."
"It were called Wayne." the child told him.
"Wayne? certainly not. What a thought!" cried the vicar in mock horror.
"It were!" cried the boy, undeterred. "Babby were called Wayne."
"No, it wasn't called Wayne." said the vicar, his jaw tightening and his voice quavering a little. He bit his lip momentarily. The poor man had imagined that speaking to a group of small children about Christmas would be an easy enough task but he was now regretting he had ever agreed to visit the school this morning. "The baby was called Jesus." the vicar told him, slowly and deliberately.
"It were Wayne." persisted the boy.
"Jesus!" snapped the vicar.
"Wayne" repeated the child "I know 'cos we all sang about him in assembly 'A Wayne in a manager, no crib for a bed'"
Thursday 11 June
Tina goes to 2 City Learning Centres – specialist, high tech areas where schools book in and bring students for specialised work/projects.
I start the day with library internet and a read of a quality paper – an hour-and-a-half goes by in relaxed fashion.
Having got confused yesterday I navigate successfully to Woodside Ferry. Both the pamphlet and Uncle Tom had talked about the pay and display parking. No different to NZ and everywhere over here. So imagine my surprise when I drove up to the ferry building and there was this large, open area with no machine, no signs and no markings on the ground. This was a strange as EVERYWHERE there are road markings (mostly saying you cannot park here) and paid parking. I parked in the empty area and wandered in. I went to the café first, had a cuppa and asked the blonde behind the counter. She stared at me as if I was stupid and asked another blonde what a carpark was! Back outside I approached two elderly gents and they were surprised when I asked them – they had never noticed and assumed it was all pay and display. Shows you how conditioned people can become. Finally I went back inside and asked at the ticket counter and, yes, it is free parking … until Monday!!! Great, some parking for free. Very rare. The amazing thing was how empty it was but the two pay and display areas attached to it were full!
I buy my ferry and submarine tickets. Decide to go on the ferry across the Mersey first. Ferry pulls into the dock. We are all standing around … I notice an interesting building (turns out to be for the road tunnel ventilation), take some photos, turn around … and the ferry is gone. A lesson is learnt – the ferry does not muck around!
No worries, I do the submarine first. This is the German submarine U-534 which did not surrender at the end of the war despite orders to do so. It was sunk by depth charges and rumours abounded about a secret mission and what treasure the sub might contain. It was raised in 1993 but no treasure was found (apart from new and rare torpedoes that MIGHT have been going to Japan to continue the war). The submarine ended up in Liverpool and was neglected until 2008 when this brilliant new home was found for it. They have cut it into 4 bits so you can see inside it. Very recommended.
Across the Mersey to Liverpool. As we get off the Gerry and the Pacemakers song “Ferry Cross The Mersey” is played. I immediately hit the Beatles and Liverpool Football Club shop. Buy many things including two cool Beatles ties.
Then a lovely stroll to Albert Dock and The Beatles Story attraction – very detailed with headsets. Well done. I get a taxi back to the ferry but ask the lovely driver to give me a brief tour. He takes me to Mathews St and the Cavern Club and to tomorrow’s hotel so I am orientated. Excellent.
Back at the ferry in the queue there is a man on a bike behind me. He is cycling from John O’ Groats (top of Scotland) to Land’s End (end of England). What amazed me about this is how little he was carrying – 2 small panniers at the back. No pack; nothing else.
On the ferry trip back I sat inside a big pigeon flew in – flying low and slowly. Two crew chased it around whilst the rest of us ducked down as the pigeon dive-bombed us.
Tonight we take Uncle Tom and Aunty Margaret for a meal. We go to The Farmers Arms – another traditional, old style pub. Tina and I have Traditional Scouse with pickled red cabbage. Delicious, cheap and very filling.
I start the day with library internet and a read of a quality paper – an hour-and-a-half goes by in relaxed fashion.
Having got confused yesterday I navigate successfully to Woodside Ferry. Both the pamphlet and Uncle Tom had talked about the pay and display parking. No different to NZ and everywhere over here. So imagine my surprise when I drove up to the ferry building and there was this large, open area with no machine, no signs and no markings on the ground. This was a strange as EVERYWHERE there are road markings (mostly saying you cannot park here) and paid parking. I parked in the empty area and wandered in. I went to the café first, had a cuppa and asked the blonde behind the counter. She stared at me as if I was stupid and asked another blonde what a carpark was! Back outside I approached two elderly gents and they were surprised when I asked them – they had never noticed and assumed it was all pay and display. Shows you how conditioned people can become. Finally I went back inside and asked at the ticket counter and, yes, it is free parking … until Monday!!! Great, some parking for free. Very rare. The amazing thing was how empty it was but the two pay and display areas attached to it were full!
I buy my ferry and submarine tickets. Decide to go on the ferry across the Mersey first. Ferry pulls into the dock. We are all standing around … I notice an interesting building (turns out to be for the road tunnel ventilation), take some photos, turn around … and the ferry is gone. A lesson is learnt – the ferry does not muck around!
No worries, I do the submarine first. This is the German submarine U-534 which did not surrender at the end of the war despite orders to do so. It was sunk by depth charges and rumours abounded about a secret mission and what treasure the sub might contain. It was raised in 1993 but no treasure was found (apart from new and rare torpedoes that MIGHT have been going to Japan to continue the war). The submarine ended up in Liverpool and was neglected until 2008 when this brilliant new home was found for it. They have cut it into 4 bits so you can see inside it. Very recommended.
Across the Mersey to Liverpool. As we get off the Gerry and the Pacemakers song “Ferry Cross The Mersey” is played. I immediately hit the Beatles and Liverpool Football Club shop. Buy many things including two cool Beatles ties.
Then a lovely stroll to Albert Dock and The Beatles Story attraction – very detailed with headsets. Well done. I get a taxi back to the ferry but ask the lovely driver to give me a brief tour. He takes me to Mathews St and the Cavern Club and to tomorrow’s hotel so I am orientated. Excellent.
Back at the ferry in the queue there is a man on a bike behind me. He is cycling from John O’ Groats (top of Scotland) to Land’s End (end of England). What amazed me about this is how little he was carrying – 2 small panniers at the back. No pack; nothing else.
On the ferry trip back I sat inside a big pigeon flew in – flying low and slowly. Two crew chased it around whilst the rest of us ducked down as the pigeon dive-bombed us.
Tonight we take Uncle Tom and Aunty Margaret for a meal. We go to The Farmers Arms – another traditional, old style pub. Tina and I have Traditional Scouse with pickled red cabbage. Delicious, cheap and very filling.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday 10 June
8 weeks gone - 4 weeks to go!
Tina does 2 school visits. I cruise around, get lost trying to find my goal (but I am sorted for tomorrow), watch a game of Crown Bowls, and end up in New Brighton. I look at all the eating places and choose the one filled with locals (they must know what they are doing, right?). I was one of the youngest there. I have The Gammon Special – gammon being a ham steak.
In the evening we have a curry with Ian and Paula.
Today is Prince Philip’s 88th birthday. Here is a statement he made last year, “Tourism is just national prostitution. We don’t need any more tourists. They ruin cities.” That tells us off!
Great pun from local paper. But first, some background. In the Europe elections in the last few days the racist anti-immigration, send-them-all-back-where-they-came-from British National Party got 2 Europe MPs. Now imagine the photo of their leader being splattered with yellow egg yolk. The caption is “… splattered with egg yolk in London yesterday. The BNP only accepts whites.” Excellent writing.
Last week I commented on the great sports writing in the Guardian. Here is another example and, like the last, it is not buried deep in the paper but is from the back page. Here is the first paragraph in full: “Long ago in my variegated journalistic career I came to the conclusion that what I really lacked was an extra layer of intractable prejudice. The trouble was that I could too easily be swayed by the conflicting polemical breezes, so ending up with some sympathy for two starkly contrasting points of view at the same time. It would have made me an impossible juror.”
Now, apart from Jeremy Coney, you don’t get sports writing like this. Here are a few other words/phrases from this erudite writer: “Most of my sporting opinions emanate from the gut rather than the brain”; “I have always looked for and seen the virtues of the opposition as well as those of the team which geographically and emotionally should have made my heart beat faster”; “prejudicial tendencies, even in moderation – and I’m not talking, say, of bigotry – are a necessary component of a free spirit”; “Alas, my mate was quickly eliminated, not helped by my adjectival profusion of praise”; “scintilla”.
The real point of the article is the author’s dislike of fox hunting and finishes, “The … 10th Duke of Beaufort was a hunting man, three times a week … He really did say ‘Hunting is the only thing apart from war which draws the country together’” So there!
And another writer describes NZ’s batting effort against South Africa in a 20/20 as “curiously constipated”.
The last from “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren”:
Religion
- The result of the Reformation was that the people could choose either to be Catholics or pugilists
- The Jews were a proud people, but always had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals
- Zorroastrologism was founded by Zorro. It was a duelist religion.
- The 7th commandment is “Thou shalt not admit adultery”
- One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites
- Solomon had 300 wives and 700 cucumbers
- The Papal Bull was a mad bull kept by the Pope in the Inquisition to trample on Protestants
- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times
- The entire city of Constantinople rose up with a tremendous ejaculation every time the Christian Emperor Constantine came
- The Philistines are people in the Pacific
- Pompeii was destroyed by an overflow of saliva from the Vatican
- Judyism had one big God named Yahoo
- Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings
R-rated
- As he walked through his room he heard the sound of heavy breeding
- When the wedding was over the bridegroom clasped his loved one tight in his arms, while the little organ began to swell and fill the room
- While rowing up river I slumped over the whores in a state of physical exhaustion
- In the Middle Ages people lived in mud huts with rough mating on the floor
- The 19th century was when people stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine
- Merchants appeared and roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organising big fairies in the countryside
- The Mona Lisa was the most beautiful woman ever to be laid on canvas
- A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population
- Gonads are a tribe of wandering desert people
- Roman girls who did not marry could become Vestigal Virgins, a group of women who were dedicated to burning the internal flame
- She lay there semi-naked, semi-conscious and semi-hopeful
- A gelding is a stallion who has his tonsils taken out so he would have more time to himself
- Early Egyptian women often wore a garment called a calasiris. It was a sheer dress which started beneath the breasts which hung to the floor
- Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery
THE END of the book!
Tina does 2 school visits. I cruise around, get lost trying to find my goal (but I am sorted for tomorrow), watch a game of Crown Bowls, and end up in New Brighton. I look at all the eating places and choose the one filled with locals (they must know what they are doing, right?). I was one of the youngest there. I have The Gammon Special – gammon being a ham steak.
In the evening we have a curry with Ian and Paula.
Today is Prince Philip’s 88th birthday. Here is a statement he made last year, “Tourism is just national prostitution. We don’t need any more tourists. They ruin cities.” That tells us off!
Great pun from local paper. But first, some background. In the Europe elections in the last few days the racist anti-immigration, send-them-all-back-where-they-came-from British National Party got 2 Europe MPs. Now imagine the photo of their leader being splattered with yellow egg yolk. The caption is “… splattered with egg yolk in London yesterday. The BNP only accepts whites.” Excellent writing.
Last week I commented on the great sports writing in the Guardian. Here is another example and, like the last, it is not buried deep in the paper but is from the back page. Here is the first paragraph in full: “Long ago in my variegated journalistic career I came to the conclusion that what I really lacked was an extra layer of intractable prejudice. The trouble was that I could too easily be swayed by the conflicting polemical breezes, so ending up with some sympathy for two starkly contrasting points of view at the same time. It would have made me an impossible juror.”
Now, apart from Jeremy Coney, you don’t get sports writing like this. Here are a few other words/phrases from this erudite writer: “Most of my sporting opinions emanate from the gut rather than the brain”; “I have always looked for and seen the virtues of the opposition as well as those of the team which geographically and emotionally should have made my heart beat faster”; “prejudicial tendencies, even in moderation – and I’m not talking, say, of bigotry – are a necessary component of a free spirit”; “Alas, my mate was quickly eliminated, not helped by my adjectival profusion of praise”; “scintilla”.
The real point of the article is the author’s dislike of fox hunting and finishes, “The … 10th Duke of Beaufort was a hunting man, three times a week … He really did say ‘Hunting is the only thing apart from war which draws the country together’” So there!
And another writer describes NZ’s batting effort against South Africa in a 20/20 as “curiously constipated”.
The last from “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren”:
Religion
- The result of the Reformation was that the people could choose either to be Catholics or pugilists
- The Jews were a proud people, but always had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals
- Zorroastrologism was founded by Zorro. It was a duelist religion.
- The 7th commandment is “Thou shalt not admit adultery”
- One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites
- Solomon had 300 wives and 700 cucumbers
- The Papal Bull was a mad bull kept by the Pope in the Inquisition to trample on Protestants
- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times
- The entire city of Constantinople rose up with a tremendous ejaculation every time the Christian Emperor Constantine came
- The Philistines are people in the Pacific
- Pompeii was destroyed by an overflow of saliva from the Vatican
- Judyism had one big God named Yahoo
- Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings
R-rated
- As he walked through his room he heard the sound of heavy breeding
- When the wedding was over the bridegroom clasped his loved one tight in his arms, while the little organ began to swell and fill the room
- While rowing up river I slumped over the whores in a state of physical exhaustion
- In the Middle Ages people lived in mud huts with rough mating on the floor
- The 19th century was when people stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine
- Merchants appeared and roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organising big fairies in the countryside
- The Mona Lisa was the most beautiful woman ever to be laid on canvas
- A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population
- Gonads are a tribe of wandering desert people
- Roman girls who did not marry could become Vestigal Virgins, a group of women who were dedicated to burning the internal flame
- She lay there semi-naked, semi-conscious and semi-hopeful
- A gelding is a stallion who has his tonsils taken out so he would have more time to himself
- Early Egyptian women often wore a garment called a calasiris. It was a sheer dress which started beneath the breasts which hung to the floor
- Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery
THE END of the book!
Tuesday 9 June
Tina goes to a principals (headteachers) meeting for several hours and then visits an old friend of her mother’s.
First paragraph from an educational article in The Times: “Performativity is forcing curriculum deliverers to focus on desired outputs among customers in managed learning environments”. To be fair it was an article rubbishing education jargon.
Tonight’s dinner is Aunt Margaret’s delicious casserole called “DRUNKEN LAMB”!!! NZ lamb too!
Here’s the recipe:
750g shoulder or leg lamb – diced into very small pieces
2 sherry glasses of port
Small garlic and rosemary
Cornflower
1 tablespoon red currant jelly
Toss meat in cornflower and seal it in hot pan with a little oil
Put it in to casserole dish with garlic and rosemary
Add port and enough water to cover
Cook on 190º for 2–2½ hours
Half an hour before finished ddd tablespoon of red currant jelly; mix
If thin add lamb (or chicken) gravy granules
Finish off cooking for ½ hour
Joke off tv: “Where does Napoleon keep his army?”
Answer: “Up his sleevey”
More from “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren”:
Science and Medicine
- Although the patient had never been fatally ill before, he woke up dead
- A circle is a figure with 0 corners and only one side
- A phlegmatic person is one who has chronic bronchitis
- Nuclear activity causes distortions in the jeans of women
- Nets are holes surrounded by pieces of string
- If you cross XY and XX chromosomes, you get XX (female), YY (male) and XY (undecided)
- If teeth are not cleaned plague is the result
- Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they are there
- In biology today we digested a frog
- To germinate is to become a naturalised German
- The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours
- Pine is an example of a carnivorous tree
- Clouds just keep encircling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do
- Methane, a greenhouse gas, comes from the burning of trees and cows
- Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them
Music
- S.O.S. is a musical term meaning “same only softer”
- I know what a sextet is, but I’d rather not say
- When not working in the church, Bach composed pieces on a spinster in his home
- Refrain means don’t do it. A refrain in music is the part you better not try to sing
- Stradivarious is an imaginary prehistoric animal
- John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present
- Handel was half German, half Italian and half English
- When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody
First paragraph from an educational article in The Times: “Performativity is forcing curriculum deliverers to focus on desired outputs among customers in managed learning environments”. To be fair it was an article rubbishing education jargon.
Tonight’s dinner is Aunt Margaret’s delicious casserole called “DRUNKEN LAMB”!!! NZ lamb too!
Here’s the recipe:
750g shoulder or leg lamb – diced into very small pieces
2 sherry glasses of port
Small garlic and rosemary
Cornflower
1 tablespoon red currant jelly
Toss meat in cornflower and seal it in hot pan with a little oil
Put it in to casserole dish with garlic and rosemary
Add port and enough water to cover
Cook on 190º for 2–2½ hours
Half an hour before finished ddd tablespoon of red currant jelly; mix
If thin add lamb (or chicken) gravy granules
Finish off cooking for ½ hour
Joke off tv: “Where does Napoleon keep his army?”
Answer: “Up his sleevey”
More from “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren”:
Science and Medicine
- Although the patient had never been fatally ill before, he woke up dead
- A circle is a figure with 0 corners and only one side
- A phlegmatic person is one who has chronic bronchitis
- Nuclear activity causes distortions in the jeans of women
- Nets are holes surrounded by pieces of string
- If you cross XY and XX chromosomes, you get XX (female), YY (male) and XY (undecided)
- If teeth are not cleaned plague is the result
- Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they are there
- In biology today we digested a frog
- To germinate is to become a naturalised German
- The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours
- Pine is an example of a carnivorous tree
- Clouds just keep encircling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do
- Methane, a greenhouse gas, comes from the burning of trees and cows
- Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them
Music
- S.O.S. is a musical term meaning “same only softer”
- I know what a sextet is, but I’d rather not say
- When not working in the church, Bach composed pieces on a spinster in his home
- Refrain means don’t do it. A refrain in music is the part you better not try to sing
- Stradivarious is an imaginary prehistoric animal
- John Sebastian Bach died from 1750 to the present
- Handel was half German, half Italian and half English
- When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Monday 8 June
Tina does 2 school visits including a senior management meeting that goes to 5.30pm. I relax and get organised. As I am typing this I am watching the movie “Biggles”. I read dozens of Biggles books when I was young. I even remember having to take a broken book to Form 3 art class in 1967 to learn book binding and I took a Biggles omnibus.
Later … I have finished the movie and it was appalling! A travesty on a number of levels!!! It involves time travel so Biggles is in modern times and he sees a helicopter. Being told he can’t fly one he replies, “If you can fly a Sopwith Camel you can fly anything”.
Later, “Don’t worry old chap, think of England”
Believe it or not the helicopter (called a Windmill by Bertie, Algy and Ginger) goes back in time to World War I to attack the German’s secret weapon (a sound machine) that’s going to win the war for them!!!
Get to free internet at local library.
More from “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren”:
Politics
- Karl Marx’s Communist Fiesta was very important
- When Caesar was assassinated, he is reported to have said, “Me too, Brutus!”
- King John ground the people down by heavy taxis
- The USA and USSR became global in power, but Europe remained incontinent
- President Carter faced the Iran Hostess Crisis
- When Gorbachev became top Russian the USSR shifted to a new planet of existance
Animals
- sharks were infecting the area, a one of them was a non-swimmer
- a Mayor is a horse
- Benjamin Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand”
- To keep milk from turning sour keep it in the cow
- Herrings go about in the sea in shawls
- Anthroapologists have proved that when animals were not available the people ate nuts and barrys
- Men are mammals and women are femammals
- The adder is a poisonous snack
- An octogenarian is an animal which has eight young at birth
- The largest mammals are found in the sea because there is nowhere else to put them
Later … I have finished the movie and it was appalling! A travesty on a number of levels!!! It involves time travel so Biggles is in modern times and he sees a helicopter. Being told he can’t fly one he replies, “If you can fly a Sopwith Camel you can fly anything”.
Later, “Don’t worry old chap, think of England”
Believe it or not the helicopter (called a Windmill by Bertie, Algy and Ginger) goes back in time to World War I to attack the German’s secret weapon (a sound machine) that’s going to win the war for them!!!
Get to free internet at local library.
More from “Must Try Harder – The Very Worst Best Howlers By Schoolchildren”:
Politics
- Karl Marx’s Communist Fiesta was very important
- When Caesar was assassinated, he is reported to have said, “Me too, Brutus!”
- King John ground the people down by heavy taxis
- The USA and USSR became global in power, but Europe remained incontinent
- President Carter faced the Iran Hostess Crisis
- When Gorbachev became top Russian the USSR shifted to a new planet of existance
Animals
- sharks were infecting the area, a one of them was a non-swimmer
- a Mayor is a horse
- Benjamin Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand”
- To keep milk from turning sour keep it in the cow
- Herrings go about in the sea in shawls
- Anthroapologists have proved that when animals were not available the people ate nuts and barrys
- Men are mammals and women are femammals
- The adder is a poisonous snack
- An octogenarian is an animal which has eight young at birth
- The largest mammals are found in the sea because there is nowhere else to put them
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